Work situation, AIBU?

[Twoweeksinaugust]

I can't decide if I am.

We are small team of 4. A few weeks ago a colleague went off sick, no idea why, none of my business. Since being off sick she's been to a festival with our manager, pics all over social media. She's now messaged in to book up the leave she saved whilst being off sick, with a cheery "I'll probably be back in a few weeks".

Part of me thinks it's none of my business and if she's got a sick note from her GP then she must be ill. The other part is raging that we're all working like dogs in this heat whilst she's off swanning around at bloody festivals.

Would this bother you?

I was off for 3 months after dd died. I went on a 2 weeks holiday during that time. You have no idea as to why she is off, although I appreciate the booking in leave she’s accrued during her current absence is a bit strange.

I'm sorry about your DM, but nowhere does OP say her colleague is grieving or off sick due to a death in the family.

Irrationality it would irritate me.

I'd have to strongly remind myself (probably more than once when I'm hot, stressed and tired) that it is none of my business and extra workload and pressure should be managed by my manager and is not the problem of the colleague who has taken sick leave.

But yes, there are times I would feel frustrated.

I’m currently signed off sick for bereavement reasons. Some days are bad some are ok, but there are a lot of steps in organising saying goodbye, some of which are 1-2 weeks apart. I couldn’t possibly go back to work and be in and out for one but I’m also having some really down days. I have still been out to activities (mostly with DC), did day trips, had a few drinks with friends. I’ve even posted some bits on SM where my bosses have liked some content. Every situation is so different. Even if someone has something physical going on, doesn’t mean they can’t do some activities. But I do also understand how it feels like a slap in the face. You just have to take the emotion out of it.

Don't say a word. It's not your business.

However, you can email your boss and flag that the additional work load you are doing is impacting YOUR well being and health and ask that they address it.

Create a paper trail.

The point is that the OP doesn’t know why this person is off sick. Therefore, OP hasn’t a clue whether or not there has been a bereavement, or if it’s something else. That means she is in no position to judge her colleague for being at a festival, and nor is anyone else on this thread

I’m very open minded about these things but I think a music festival is a bit much, it’s not relaxing like a two week break away.

No not at all ..you never know what's going on in someone's personal life. Me and my wife lost our son and both had a decent amount of time off work (at employers insistence) we certainly still did things to keep ourselves going through a tough time. We ate out, went shopping, went on walks. Anything to cheer ourselves up because what's the alternative? Sit at home and cry for a month?

Depends on the sort of person you are really tho doesn't it. A day at festival requires far less time, money and planning than a 2 week holiday! Especially if you've got a family or pets?

If she’s been at festivals with work managers, then you've got to assume that whatever’s going on is all legitimate sickness absence.

But I would be a bit bothered if her absence was causing extra work for me and the rest of the team, even if rationally I knew her absence was none of my business.

Nope because I know enough about mental & physical health conditions to know there are plenty that could going to a one off concert for a few hours perfectly possible, but longer periods at work regularly not. To be honest you'd have to be very lacking in knowledge about health to actually think this wasn't ok.

I would speak to your manager. Whilst they maybe ill, and that won’t mean them stopping doing things etc as that could be good for mental health if they are off with MH issues they do need to consider everybody back at work doing their work and posting stuff on line and a cheery I will be back in a few weeks doesn’t cut it

if you are the others are being expected to pick up her work then I would be asking your manager what they intend to do to support the three of you, get agency in, agree something won’t need to be done until they are back etc

I was signed off work earlier this year for a few weeks due to a miscarriage. In the last week off I was fine both physically and mentally but I’d been signed off and since I’d had a terrible time i didn’t go back to work early and just had a relaxing week. I wouldn’t begrudge anyone in the same situation.

It could be she’s taking the piss but you don’t know what’s going on, so I wouldn’t get yourself worked up over it. You really don’t know the story behind a photo. People without thinking smile at a camera but it doesn’t mean everything is fine.

If they’re good enough friends to go to a festival together, I doubt that reporting this will go well for you. Personally, yes I find all of that odd, but I wouldn’t expect raising it to get me anywhere.

If the impact on the team isn’t being well managed, discuss that with your manager.

Regardless of whatever reason she is off sick for, going to a festival and putting pics of it on social media is a piss take

Would people genuinely go to a music festival after a bereavement? Really?

It would bother me and I say that as somebody unable to work due to MH.

Absolutely....as opposed to sitting about being miserable? Nothing cures misery like doing something you enjoy. Why on earth wouldn't you?

Why wouldn't you?

Otoh OP I can see why you feel slightly aggrieved. I'm always very careful what goes on social media if I'm off work at all. It's a bit insensitive to post, knowing you're making the workload for others more.

Not your business. Her work arrangement and sickness record is between her and her manager. Keep your nose out!
Concentrate on doing your own job, the job that pays your wages so you can live your life and pay your bills.

Yes I would be raging too. And all the posters acting like it wouldn’t bother them at all 😂😂

Yes it would bother me, I'd post it on here and vent like you are doing.

Then I'd put it to one side and just wait for the day when her deceitful lazy arse behaviour catches up with her, because it will.

Only once in my life I've been off sick for over a week. I had 6 weeks off. In that time, somebody made a malicious complaint to HR about me being off sick because I was abroad.

I was indeed abroad, and I guess it could have looked like I was having a whale of a time to outsiders looking in. But in reality, I'd suffered a very close bereavement and they lived abroad. They had a child who was left without parents and I was caring for said child, and trying to shield them from the absolute shittyness of the situation whilst simultaneously having to deal with all the formalities like identifying them, arrange a funeral, deal with the admin etc and look after the rest of our close family who were utterly destroyed by what had happened.

HR obviously knew all of this, but other people didn't because frankly it was nobody's business. And I didn't for even a fleeting second give any thought to my colleagues because why the fuck should I have added that to my burden?

It wouldn't trouble me at all if a colleague were off sick but still living their life. If my workload became unmanageable I'd have a conversation with my manager about prioritising things, but beyond that absolutely not my business.

When my mum was terminally ill with cancer and signed off sick, one of her colleagues made snide remarks because they’d seen her out shopping. Don’t be that person.

No it wouldn’t bother me, I’ve been in the situation where I’ve had to pick up the slack when people have been off but you don’t know what’s going on in peoples lives.

As it happens, I’ve been off sick for 6 weeks currently due to a miscarriage. If you looked at me it isn’t physically obvious I’m unwell but in reality I’ve had to have both blood and iron transfusions/infusions and I’m feeling pretty shabby. For the sake of my mental health I’ve still been going out for coffee, for short walks or going out for tea. Me and my partner went for a weekend away in the lakes last week just to chill and for a change of scenery. I’m pretty sure I’ve posted on Instagram the odd photo of coffee/views from walks in this time and I’m aware my colleagues probably think I’m taking the piss, especially considering they didn’t know I was pregnant, but despite outward appearances I’m not well enough physically or mentally to return to work.

Yes, of course there are people who take the piss and play the system but equally there are plenty of people who are legitimately sick for a reason where trying to live their life to some degree is beneficial to their physical and/or mental recovery.