AIBU to think my daughter should invite my goddaughter?

[stke]

I have one real close friend, and we have been best friends since college aged 18. We have a daughter each and both same age, 26.

DD is getting married next year, we are helping pay for it. It’s not going to be large or extravagant but DD has a very small friendship group. It’s a small country house wedding.

My DD and friend’s DD were very close growing up. They saw each other weekly. Then friend’s dd moved to Netherlands where she lives, so they haven’t really seen each other properly in a good few years. I am god mother to friend’s dd.

My daughter doesn’t want to invite her to the wedding. I’ve said I think she should because she is essentially like a cousin. It’s obviously dd’s wedding, and even if we are helping pay for it, it’s her choice!

It’s her wedding - she needs to invite who she wants. Not who you want.

She’s not your DD’s friend, she’s the daughter of your friend. They are not friends and they are definitely not cousins. It would be fine for you to invite her to something you were celebrating as she is your goddaughter, but she’s too remote from your DD’s friendship group.

Either you recognise it’s her choice or you don’t. I doubt you would be asking here if you respected her choice.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a large or small wedding or who’s contributing. It’s your DDs wedding she and her future husband control the guest list

I didn’t have most of my cousins at my wedding

I had this too and back then I had to acquiesce but I'd hope it's not still a thing. It's particularly annoying when you don't even like the "friend" and your parents say "oh but she'll be offended if she isn't invited". I had 60 people at my wedding and I reckon more than 10 of them were either friends of my parents or DH's parents. Sometimes you like them and don't mind, but other times you really don't want them.

If my parents were paying for a wedding for me I’d happily give them some seats to fill as they wish

Her parents are not paying for it. They are giving her a contribution as a gift, it shouldn't come with conditions.

YABVU. It isn’t your wedding.

Absolutely this. And she's not ' like a cousin '.. It's her wedding. she can invite who she wants. Give your head a wobble

Is your friend invited? Because if so, then yes, I'd invite your goddaughter too on the "family friends" basis. If not, then no.

Ultimately, yes, she shoudl invite who she wants, but there's value in learning about social networks and family obligations early. plus my mother tried to invite some random woman she went to the gym with who she'd only known for a year, because this woman helped her with something. so I do feel your DD's pain though.

Most of my cousins weren’t at either of my weddings. But anyway, they are not like cousins. Or friends. They are now mere acquaintances.

Even if they were bosom buddies, it’s your daughter’s choice, so just don’t mention it again.

My cousins didn't come to my wedding, I didn't go to theirs. We aren't close any more, despite our relationship as children.

When we wrote our guest list for our wedding, we had a strict limit guest limit and the first people who didn't make the cut were the ones we hadn't seen for years, or ones I had never met (we had been together 12 years when we got married! He knew all my guests in real life)

Their wedding, their choice. Don't be "that" parent.

Didn't even need to read it to know YABU.

the bride and groom get to decide who is at their wedding. Nobody else.

She’s not even remotely like a cousin, that’s a really silly thing to say!
she’s a random stranger who lives abroad that your DD used to know as a child.
Yabu

Absolutely not ok to try and force people on to the guest list.
It’s not just about the money, maybe she just wants people there who are in her life now.

When I got married my parents contributed some money but my DH paid for most of it, but they hosted it in the old fashioned way ‘Mr and Mrs XYZ request the pleasure of your company blah blah blah’. We divided the guest list in thirds: my parents, me, DH. There was quite a bit of overlap between me and parents so I gave some to my DH so I guess he ended up with half, though he also had a much bigger family (five brothers)…Anyhoo my parents could invite who they wished, and there were a few people I’d never even met or had met just once or twice, but they were close to my parents. I think you should have a small number of guests that you can chose. However if it’s a limited guest list (say under 50) and this would take a spot away from someone she’d rather have then no, she gets final say.