AIBU to think this was really thoughtless?

[Query2026]

I’m in the kitchen bending down to unload the dishwasher. Unbeknown to me DH has opened the cupboard above me to get himself a glass and has left the cupboard door open.

I stand up and crack my head on the cupboard door. Very painful and results in a lump.

When I discuss this later with DH he says it’s reasonable to have cupboards open in a kitchen. I have said I think he was thoughtless and selfish because he could see i was below there unloading the dishwasher and I shouldn’t have to go hovering around checking whats above me. He said he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal.

AIBU to think this is not only thoughtless but also says something about how he views me?

Mine has done this, but I got a massive apology plus checking if I was OK.
The minimising of @Query2026 's DH would piss me off.

I leave the cupboard over my own head open like this every time I empty the dishwasher and I NEVER learn despite people warning me. What does that say about how I view my own self 🤣 its ok it was a careless mistake. Forgive him.

I agree.
Very, very nasty.
Not something to ignore.
I'm so sorry.
Mind yourself.
He doesn't give a shit about you.

I'm surprised how far down I got before ADHD was mentioned. This is a genuine trait that lots of people have. I'm terrible for it.

Not apologising profusely, however, is a dick move. I would be mortified.

It's no excuse at all but I wonder, does your husband have ADHD? I only ask because I can see this exact scenario playing out in our household (my husband has ADHD). Leaving cupboard doors open is classic ADHD because you get distracted and forget to close them. Then when someone bangs their head he would immediately jump into defence mode because the RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) means they get super defensive about things and find it really hard to admit they were wrong.

Again, not an excuse, he obviously should have apologised straight away, I'm just trying to understand the reasons for his behaviour.

Same re apologising but I’m not a dick and im not lazy. I try as hard as I can

Fair enough, I understand the defence mode, I try hard to overcome that when I've done something. But my embarrassment at injuring someone would override that and I would apologise. I can understand that the defence mechanism would take over for others though (it's a really hard symptom to try to control).

No, it really isn’t an accident.

It’s fucking carelessness!

In my case irspoor executive function as a result of my disability -namely adhd.

I don't normally like to stereotype but the open cupboards really seems to be a "man" thing. I've known several!

Not seeming to care when someone you love is hurt isn't normal though.

I really can't understand why men do this. Every time my husband does it makes me love him a tiny bit less. It's so pathetic.
There are a lot of ways men are becoming better but my Dad never did this.
If my husband did this though and it caused me to hurt myself though he'd immediately apologise and try and do it less

Yes very thoughtless

I'd think about doing the same to him

its ok it was a careless mistake. Forgive him.

No it's not OK. And it wasn't a careless mistake because he never does close cupboard doors. I guess he thinks that task is beneath him. And as he won't apologise and instead is trying to make it the OP's fault, after she got hurt, why on earth should she forgive him.

OP it's not identical but have a read of this:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

Basically he's saying he's more important than you.

The leaving the door open would have annoyed but not as much as him not just owning up to his mistake and apologising.

I would keep reminding him to shut the doors.
What’s the point in having doors on cupboards if they’re going to be left wide open.

I have left cupboards open, we probably all have.

But if someone hurt themselves you’d immediately apologise and make a conscious effort to not do it again.

He deliberately left that cupboard open to teach you a lesson

I think I must have buried this memory but this thread has revived it. My ex H used to do this and it drove me mad.

Why do you leave them open?

Well he sounds like a dick. All he had to do was say sorry and ask if you were ok then all would have been fine. Instead he has pretty much made it your fault because open cupboards are normal 🤷‍♀️

Why do women put up with such shit partners? The mind boggles.

Mine leaves the dishwasher all the time and it drives me nuts - we have a baby and could trip whilst holding her!

And baby will be crawling before you know it and might find the things in the dishwasher really interesting and worth exploring - while his back is turned or he’s distracted…….. especially the knives…

What a dick. If he was genuinely just thoughtless he’d be apologising but the fact he isn’t and is blaming you for being hurt shows what a shite little man he is.

I couldn’t be with someone with that attitude.

He’d have earned himself dishwasher duty forever even with an apology in my house.

We’ve got a head smasher cupboard, DH leaves it open when sorting the dog food out, I think that’s daft as he’s walked into it 3 times I know of…so 8 shut it while he naffs with dog food as I don’t want him to smash his head again and I like him (most of the time).

your DH sounds not so nice.

Absentmindedly leaving a cupboard door open is one thing. Opening a door that's over your wife's head while she is unloading the dishwasher, and insisting it's reasonable behaviour, is downright nasty. Abusive even. Has a hint of deliberate about it.
As to the open dishwasher idiots, I remember a case when a child was killed. Tripped over and landed on the loaded cutlery, where a sharp knife was sitting pointy end up.