Park dispute

[newbie2222]

Just went to the park near mine as my 4yo wanted to use the basketball hoop.

When we got to the hoop there was a dad and his 10yo daughter playing football near to it. As we approached the daughter kicked a ball at the base of the hoop underneath. I assumed she just did a kick at it. Me and my son went over and started using the hoop.

Dad called over “excuse me we’re actually using that”

I replied “oh right sorry I thought you were playing football I didn’t know”

Dad said “you can clearly see our stuffs there and she kicked the ball over as you came over”

I said “yeah I didn’t realise I thought you were playing football … also it’s a shared park”

Dad “yeah I get that but we’re clearly using it”

My son asks why we’re leaving and I say “let’s go, it seems like they don’t want to share at this park”

Dad “no need for those comments”

Me “no need to be so rude about the whole situation?”

Dad “my daughter was clearly playing football there, you saw her kicking the ball, it’s not as if you didn’t know”

Me “ok either way I would imagine she wouldn’t mind a 4yo having a couple of goes near her and you’re actually being confrontational in front of my son now”

Dad muttered something and we left.

I feel really rattled by it and just want to know if I was wrong here.

Sounds like he’s just an arse!!!!

Very much an arse. He even admitted they were playing football and not using the hoop

I would have just said “no problem” and moved on. The snipes about sharing were bound to get his back up.

I bet if you were a man he would not have said a word. Arse!

Without clarification, it's not easy to imagine the space but if you walked into the middle of their game of football rather than just asking if they could move so you could use the hoop I can see why the dad was a bit annoyed.

We have a multi use games area at our park with basketball hoops at either end of a football pitch, so if that's the setup, you were being unreasonable to start a game within their game.

And if you were worried about the dad being confrontational in front of your son, you shouldn't have used him as a way to get a passive aggressive dig in.

We have a MUGA near us and I wouldn't use it if others were there first. There's no space if you're all using it at once.

Sounds like an argument over nothing, why not just say no problem we will have a walk / play / whatever will you be done in 15 mins or however long

It’s a large green space, not specifically for football, with one hoop in the corner. They were a few meters to the side of it.

Yeah my reply was snarky but I’m only human and his tone peed me off

I would have just said 'its OK we are only using the hoop. We won't disturb your daughter's football.' and just smilingly continued to use it.

The football kid could easily move slightly away from the hoop. I wouldn't have left or got in an argument over it.

So it definitely wasn’t one of those multi use parks a PP described with a football goal and a basketball hoop in the same bit? They’re really common around here.

People can be annoying at parks but they never stay long so I'd just have done something else until they left.

I was at the park a few weeks ago and there's a dedicated bike riding area with road markings. My son was having his first outing with his new bike and there was other children on scooters and bikes too all using the road markings to ride around. A women ditched her 2 young kids in the same area to play frisbee and didn't bother even staying to supervise. There was literally a field next to it so they easily could have played frisbee there instead of the bike users having to dodge frisbees! Annoying but they left and it didn't spoil anyone's day.

No it’s a village park green and we were the only 2 there. The space is large, I’d say about 2-3 acres

I think it was fair of you to assume they weren’t using the hoop since they were playing football. A reasonable person would’ve moved the football game away from the hoop, since someone wanted to use it for its intended purpose. But he doesn’t sound like a reasonable man. You could’ve asked him if he was using the hoop, out of courtesy, but it sounds like he was arsey and that wouldn’t have changed the outcome anyway!

Based on your update it sounds like there was enough space for you to use the hoop and them to play football.

It would have been better for you to ask if they could move their football game over so that you could use the hoop rather than basically just walking into the middle of it.

Your continual remarks about "sharing" are language that you use with your 4 year old, not a grown adult and a 10 year old. A PP has said he wouldn't have spoken like that to a man - well no, because a man wouldn't have come up and gone on about sharing the park - they would have just asked him if they could get to the hoop.

"Sharing" does not mean that other people have to make way for you if they got there first. However, if you ask nicely you might find they are more amenable to doing so.

I called it a shared space which it is. I didn’t know men didn’t use that word 🤔

My son asks why we’re leaving and I say “let’s go, it seems like they don’t want to share at this park”

that didn't help, neither your child nor yourself.

I don’t understand why you used your son to make a passive aggressive comment to the man about sharing when given what you’ve said about them not needing that particular location, you could have said ‘would you mind playing football over there so that we can use the hoop please?’

And your tone probably peed him off. If you’re going to escalate a situation, don’t be surprised when people react.

A brief comment in a moment of irritation in a park isn’t going to cause my child lasting damage 🩷

Hmm my view is he escalated it. I had already said sorry and that I didn’t realize, and made a move to leave when he continued on about whether I clearly knew or not.

You're not coming across well on this thread, TBH, OP. More "validate me" than "was I genuinely being unreasonable" now that people are floating the possibility that you might have been a tiny bit U in how you approached this situation. Personally if I lived in a small village I'd try a bit harder to rub along with people and if someone was playing in the space I wanted to play in, I'd do a circuit and loop back later to see if it was free, not push them out of the way specifically because they weren't using one precise feature (in this case a hoop).

Bet it was one of those hoops with a goal underneath. Very unusual for a hoop on its own

I did truly just think they were playing “near” the hoop rather than the hoop was part of their game. I wouldn’t have gone over if I thought that. My son ran over and said hi as we got there and asked the girl if she wanted to play basketball with him. I said “I think they’re playing football right now” and the girl was friendly and said yes we are and then went back over to her dad with the football.

I can promise you no goal underneath. I wouldn’t have stood in front of a goal when people were playing football lol

He sounds like a bully. His poor daughter 😟