Park dispute

[newbie2222]

Just went to the park near mine as my 4yo wanted to use the basketball hoop.

When we got to the hoop there was a dad and his 10yo daughter playing football near to it. As we approached the daughter kicked a ball at the base of the hoop underneath. I assumed she just did a kick at it. Me and my son went over and started using the hoop.

Dad called over “excuse me we’re actually using that”

I replied “oh right sorry I thought you were playing football I didn’t know”

Dad said “you can clearly see our stuffs there and she kicked the ball over as you came over”

I said “yeah I didn’t realise I thought you were playing football … also it’s a shared park”

Dad “yeah I get that but we’re clearly using it”

My son asks why we’re leaving and I say “let’s go, it seems like they don’t want to share at this park”

Dad “no need for those comments”

Me “no need to be so rude about the whole situation?”

Dad “my daughter was clearly playing football there, you saw her kicking the ball, it’s not as if you didn’t know”

Me “ok either way I would imagine she wouldn’t mind a 4yo having a couple of goes near her and you’re actually being confrontational in front of my son now”

Dad muttered something and we left.

I feel really rattled by it and just want to know if I was wrong here.

You're are reacting badly/anoyedly/aggressively to people on here that are disagreeing with you.

I think the situation in the park may have been more your fault than theirs.

They were using the base of the hoop as a target to kick the football at. Using the hoop at the same time would likely result in 4yr old getting hit with the football. Perhaps if the op had asked if they could move a bit further over to play football they would have done, but just starting to use the hoop was pretty sure to cause trouble.

Your repeated use of 'I thought you were playing football' implying they didn't need the hoop, when they had incorporated it in their game got his back up. It was pretty passive aggressive, I'm apologising but you shouldn't be using the hoop while playing football.

In some ways I agree that if you wanted to use the basketball hoop for it's main purpose they could have let you, but they were there first enjoying their game.

Shared park, shared facilities, they need to share!

I genuinely did think they were playing football . I was caught off guard because I was surprised that he said they were using it so when I said “I thought you were playing football” was to explain why I’d unknowingly interrupted their game.

Perhaps in hindsight from his side he thought I was being funny however wasn’t my intention at all. My thoughts about them as we approached was they seemed nice and them practising football together was a nice thing to do on a Sunday as a dad/daughter

This is what annoys me most.

Is he? Most of us mothers would make a comment too, if some entitled parent barge in and ignore our kids who are in the middle of a game.

10 is around the age when, especially girls, are starting to give up the park. Kids tend to use the play area (swings etc) up till about 10 then start to move over to skate ramps and basketball hoops etc. The 10 yr olds don’t use eg the toddler slide, so it does get pretty annoying when young children, eg 4 yo, start using the bigger kid stuff, eg the basketball hoops etc, because then the 10 yr olds need to play differently to mind the little ones. In your situation it isn’t clear why they couldn’t move to a different area, but if for whatever reason they couldn’t, a 10 yr old can’t play football properly with a 4 yr d near as they might hurt them.

AIBU - my 10 year old and I were playing football in the park, when a parent with their 4 year old arrive and start playing basketball right in the middle of where we are playing. When I politely pointed out that we were playing there, the parent first says that they didn't notice, which is ridiculous as they could literally see where we were kicking the ball, and then starts telling me that it is a shared park and we have to share along with very passive aggressive remarks to their child about people who don't want to share.

There was plenty of other space they could have played in, while they waited for us to finish if they really wanted that particular bit, and tbh if they had politely asked if we would be able to play somewhere else rather than just barging in, I would probably have been more amenable, but I thought it was extremely rude just to muscle in without saying a word and then to start with the passive aggressive patronising comments. We were there first after all.

It would have been easy enough for the snarky man to choose a different target for his DD to kick the football at. But no, he had to prevent a 4-year-old and his Mum from using the hoop for its intended purpose. I ca n understand why you got irritated with him OP especially as he was particularly dense/obtuse in not understanding what you meant by saying you thought they were playing football.

It’s been a while since my dc were 4, but can a 4yo get a basketball in a normal height hoop? I can’t think they’d be anywhere near it, but I might be wrong.

Nowhere near 😂 it goes about 5 cm above his head. We’d have been there 3 mins max before he wanted to wander off anyway

Very often on Mumsnet women move on from confronting someone because they have children with them. I would want my children to learn that I dont back down to bullies and stand up to them. There is nothing wrong with OP reminding the man that its a shared space and suggesting that they move a few yards away. The park is there for everyone to use. If it really is several acres then its not a case of first come first served.

"Oh yes I can see you are playing football. There is plenty of space on the whole field. Have you noticed that there is only one basketball hoop"....pointing at basketball hoop..."look one see"....

Basically the man is a knob face.

Ah, see now when your dc is ten, you will understand their reaction. You wanted them to move their already started football game, for your very young son to pointlessly aim at a basketball hoop and get bored after a few minutes. In fact, after that response- is this a reverse?

I don’t know what a reverse is. I was just being lighthearted about my son’s aim. I really didn’t think they were using the hoop, I thought they were practising passing the ball to each other next to it.

i know you were being lighthearted .

in your op you wanted to know what you did wrong.

I and several others have explained that it’s fairly annoying when a child who can’t actually use a piece of equipment as he’s too young, wants someone who can use said equipment, and according to the dad was using it (I dunno how), to stop their game (as they would have to as she is 10 and your ds is only little).

im not saying I wouldn’t have moved if I were them btw, but you weren’t blameless here.

if my 4 yr old wanted to use a piece of equipment intended for older children which an older child was currently playing on I would have said ‘no darling, we’ll wait till it’s free, go on the slide for now.’

A reverse is where the op pretends to be the other person.

How can your 4 year old could have been playing basketball with a normal basketball hoop?

I agree, this would have been the best way forward. No confrontation.