Genuine Question - DH buying so many toys for DS ?

[rookiemater]

Our DS is 2. In common I guess with most parents we have a room overflowing with plastic tat and other toy related items for DS to play with. We also have several boxes in the garage of things he has grown out of or weren't great hits.

We go to NCT and church sales and buy toys through that. DH then buys a load more through Ebay. Now he has taken to buying toys from ELC & the Jennners toy department every time we are out and from Asda or Sainsburys every time he goes to the supermarket. This means that DS gets something new on average once a week. Yesterday I made the mistake of leaving DH and DS in the toy department so I could hit the Hobbs sale ( bought nothing) and came back to discover the household budget was £46.99 lighter as DH had bought an entire train set to match the one the neighbours had brought round for free that morning, along with a loud police alarm car and a set of 5 matchbox cars to go with the 90 or so (am not joking) we have already.

Now I am fairly mean, and had a 70s upbringing based on around new toys being bought at christmas time and birthdays only. DH came from a poor household and I think he is trying to make up for that so that DS doesn't go without. That I understand, but tbh DS is just as happy playing at grannys house with a box of pegs and one tricycle borrowed from their neighbours.

We can afford it as DH is a contractor, actually it all seems to have become worse since he is earning much money, but I feel that a) its giving DS the wrong message that all these toys miraculously appear for no reason b) its very environmentally unsound to buy plastic and associated packaging new when if we really wanted it we could get through 2nd hand sale or Ebay and much cheaper and c) our house is impossible to keep clean or tiday.

So AIBU or is DH ?

Oh I don't think thats going to work for us as it's not even DS who is asking for these things. Yes clearly if we take him into a toy shop then he will grab at things, but is just as likely to swap them for his beaker of water when asked.
Sighhhh.

What snowleopard said. Spot on

rookiemater, I have a book I can lend you.

One of the sections outlines the consequenses of having too many toys. According to this chap, having too many toys can actually lead to a child being bored because they don't know which one to play with and flit from one to the next without any meaningful play. He believes in toys with a good "play value" which can hold a child's attention for a long time, eg blocks as opposed to a wind up train. Blocks can be many things, wheras a wind up train is only a train IYSWIM.

Has your DH considered this aspect to it?

Thanks mawbroon.

DH has said that he thinks DS having a lot of toys is good for him as it will develop him, whereas I suspect the opposite.

So having a book that confirms my suspicions would be helpful, if I can get him to read it, so yes would be fab to borrow that.

Am feeling a bit guilty now as the duplo train set that DH bought yesterday has been played with constantly today . It's not the big things I mind as much, its the stupid police car with novelty value of 10 minutes worth costing £9.99 that I really object to paying for/tripping over.

Fundamentally I do understand how you feel regarding the seventies thing of toys at birthdays and Christmas etc, my childhood was based on this BUT I am afraid I am very like your DH. I can t resist buying things for my kids that I know they will get a lot of joy out of.

DS is five and tbh appears unspoilable. He is very respectful of all his toys - would never throw them about or break them and each new toy is his absolute favourite for a couple of weeks (until the next new one). If you offer him a choice between sweets or a car when out he will always take the car, don t think this is a bad thing.

Well we had a chat last night.

DH has agreed to a monthly budget of £20.00 wiht increases for christmas and birthday. He has also agreed where possible to buy second hand or e-bay, which whilst not dealing with the fundamental issue of too much toys at least means that we are not contributing so much to the landfill and puts money in other peoples and charities pockets rather than manufacturers and retailers.
He doesn't understand my reasoning for it at all, so the book to back me up may help.

He feels he isn't that bad, and to be fair, perhaps I do exaggerate things slightly, so we will see how it goes.

Thanks everyone for your input.

That's a great idea (monthly budget). Came to this late and haven't read whole thread but RM I could have written your OP (although mine is a DD). Endless stream of toys/unnecessary packaging drives me insane for all the reasons you say. It's DH AND ILs for me. She probably wouldn't have any toys if it were up to me so a compromise is best, but I want it to be much closer to my end of things, and not just so I could have just one room that's not full to the rafters with 'musical' plastic items.

Message withdrawn

My DDs have loads of stuff too... but that is not to say that they are spoilt/ed. A couple of things that we do that might help...

1. They only really get given toys for Birthdays / Christmas etc. If I see something that is a bargain during the year then I put it away for Christmas / Birthday. Maybe you can suggest the same to your hubby. For us, it makes Christmas extra special because our DDs usually take about 3/4 days to open up their presents (in stints, of course) and so it makes Christmas that much more magical for them. Whatsmore, as they get so much at Christmas, we then have a box of toys that they can get to during the year - things like summer toys not appropriate to use at Christmas, but we'll keep until the summer. At appropriate times, we'll go to her new toy box as a treat, usually a reward and she can choose something new from it to play with. But she knows she will not be bought new toys in a shop when we go to town... I never, ever do that (my cardinal sin!)

1. We are also really strict about respecting toys. Whilst we have got a playroom full of toys, my DD knows (and has known this since about 2 3/4) that if she deliberately breaks a toy or is negligent with it and it gets broken, then it goes in the bin and will not ever get replaced. As a result, my eldest DD is very careful with her toys and knows she has got to look after them (DD2 at 18 months, still too young to understand this). But DD1 will often suggest that we tidy up her playroom and sort things out because she knows what happens if we don't.

My DD has got a playroom stuffed full of toys, but she does respect her things and is not spoilt.
HTH

I am also interested in the name of the book you mentioned Mawbroon - my sister could do with reading it as her 3 DDs have so much stuff it is quite unbelievable (their entire conservatory is floor to ceiling in toys, plus half the living room and I daren't even think about their bedrooms and they're all under 5). My sister is v.good at buying from ebay and NCT sales and jumble/carboot sales so does the recycling thing but that also encourages her to buy more because each thing costs less.
Her 3 DD are only a little bit spoilt but the main worry is that they have the attention span of a goldfish - they can't settle with one thing, they're constantly going from one toy to another and there isn't a lot of imaginative play going on. However I am only going from what I have seen, which isn't the full picture so maybe they are better when no one else is there

I agree - it's basically a waste of money buying 'plastic tat'....your DH probably gets emotionally more out of doing this than your DS.

Does your DH spend time with DS? Possibly he is trying to make up for not spending as much time with him as he would like to? Just having them out in the garden with you while you're gardening, give them a bucket and spade and some seeds to plant..... they seem to love that more than any of the millions of plastic tat toys currently on the market right now!

Hi sorry, didn't realise that a couple of people had asked about the book.

It is called "Making the terrible twos terrific" by John Rosemond.

YANBU. I love spoiling my DDs but stop myself because they don't appreciate hundreds of bits of plastic, our small hosue is already full, and it teaches them the wrong values. Their favourite activity anyway is jsut colouring in or drawing so they're happiest with a packet of pens and some paper.

Sell off the unnecesary toys and give DH a budget and/or limit of new stuff allowed per month, (whoops, jsut read you have already agreed to this!). If he is that desperate to spend money, spend it on nice days out.

I am the sort of parent who looks at what I've got them for birthday/christmas and usually end up taking some of them out of the pile and putting away for the next christmas/birthday etc. I also get rid of toys they do not play with and generally they have their solid favourites so we're keen on consumable presents pens/paper/arty crafty stuff - a trip out instead etc etc

It also helps having a small house because you can only have very little space wise anyway.

I do better than that. I recycle.

One birthday 7 year old's birthday party. Twenty guests. Twenty presents. Let DS keep half a dozen, keep the majority in the present cupboard for other children's birthdays, then charity box the truly undesirable gifts.

I often wonder if other parents do this. Then I wonder how many times the gifts in question have been recycled ...

BTW your DP is bonkers needs some support. I dunno what a contractor is. Contracting in what? Killing? It's not possible to have too many savings, y'know. Cold winds of recession blowing ...

Mawbroon kindly lent me the book, and i think its done the trick. DH didn't read it, although he promises to, but I read out the relevant paragraphs. Prompted by this, and I think by another trip to granny & grandads where DS seemed so much more contented with his bucket of pegs, one train and tricycle than he does with 3000 novely items, DH did a massive clearout.

He has now moved out to the garage non useful toys i.e. plastic figures, flashing cars, games that are too old for DS, and kept a small selection of bricks and play do and toys that he really likes.

It has made a real difference. DS seems to really enjoy playing with his toys now as before there were so many that I think he was overwhelmed.

Also due to the book, I'm cutting down on his Pingu time, and he is a little less tantrummy than before.

Quattro, laughing at your post. DH isn't mad, he is just overgenerous with everything and its fine at the minute, we can afford it. He knows there is a recession on but his skills are fairly portable, so fingers crossed we should be ok. I'd love to recycle presents, but can't see DH going for that idea somehow .....