AIBU to think this guest's lunch behaviour was rude?

[embroideredpanda]

What would you think if you were at a celebratory lunch and a guest did the following:

1. discussed whether their niece (2 weeks postpartum) might get divorced as she and her husband have not been getting on since the baby arrived
2. when asked about a different recent social event, got out the receipt from that evening and complained about the small portions and cost of the wine, going through the cost of each item, including the extras for coffee modifications
3. Put food from their own plate onto the plate of the guest they knew the least (without asking), insisting they could never eat that much

YABU - normal behaviour
YANBU - rude behaviour

So the niece is your cousin? Are you close? If not, I love idle gossip so might have quite enjoyed listening but pretended to have found it inappropriate. Depends how much I liked/knew the cousin.

I don't see an issue with any of these. TBF it can be a minefield sometimes trying to talk about things that don't offend others. I regularly speak about the prices of things. At a recent party I ended up going outside for a smoke more often than I would normally because I was afraid of saying the wrong thing.

I actually think no1 is the worst. I hate that kind of gossip with a passion.

No2 is eccentric and boring but not exactly rude, unless being a bore is rude in itself.

No3 is the kind of thing I'd laugh at in someone I like (or if it was a child), but get annoyed at in someone I dislike.

The gossiping about divorce is the worst for sure and I'd have said something at the time

1 seems wrong. If a couple have a 2 week old baby and aren’t ‘getting on’; 99.9% of the times the man is being selfish lazy and entitled, and she’s feeling the lack of support.

Exactly the kind of thing my mother would do. As a warm up😁

She's toned it down a bit now on account of being dead but it was only that rather than any sort of social awakening that put a stop to it.

How old is your mum and would she always have said/ done this? Ime this is typical of a lot of older people in our family. They ‘lose their filter’ as my cousin says and the performance undereating is the norm in our family after a certain age! With much drama associated with it. No point saying it’s rude or not acceptable as they just don’t get it and to challenge them just ends in a row and protestation of ‘it’s not important/ I haven’t done anything wrong!’. If she is young obviously ignore this and no, none of it is really acceptable dinner party convo/ behaviour!

They just sound socially inept and lacking any charm.

It's just somebody being a nightmare in public, maybe because they don't do much in the way of socialising and can't talk much about themselves as there's nothing to say.

I'd shrug it off (although it may not hurt to do an 'OMG, I had no idea she was going to be like that' to whoever was on the receiving end of most of her attentions) as the reason why there are thousands of comedy sketches about parents/grandparents/aunts and uncles/neighbours/etc who can be relied upon to do this at any big event.

😂

Yeah, it's kinda stopped my mother keeping the world updated with her take upon my relationships and parenting these days as well.

Bet you can still hear her voice in your head though!

But you are more “triggered” sorry to use that word by your mum than we are. My mum can do something fairly innocuous to others but, because it’s just one more thing it’s the straw that breaks the camels back for me whilst everyone else would think - what’s her problem.

if you know she’s difficult or whatever then trust your judgement, you don’t need strangers to validate it. I will admit that when a friend said her friends had been talking about my mum and her oddness ( they don’t know my mum through me) and were wondering what caused it I did think yes I am vindicated others see it. So I know why you’d seek the opinions of others .

In Mumsnet world you assume she's neurodiverse, so it's not rude she can't help it.

The thing you need (I have a similar mother) to work on is feeling that you are responsible for her or that you need to feel embarrassed, you aren’t and people won’t think you should be (well reasonable people). I’ve spent a lifetime being embarrassed by mine ( her bring all over a bloke she was having an affair with at a do I was at was a particular low point) but I’ve done quite a lot of “work” to stop me thinking that way. It’s really hard though. You could play bingo, list of stuff she’ll do and mentally tick them off or observe her like a social experiment, that’s what I was told to do.

In Mumsnet world it’s time that you went no contact, as she’s clearly a narcissist!

The plate thing is totally unacceptable. I’d have told them off for that and dumped it back on their plate!

Agree. A pita but I'd imagine that's simply their personality.

First two points, whatever.

Third one yeah, I’d see it as a bit rude but depending on who it is, probably in a loving way.

3 isnt acceptable.

This made me laugh!

It’s weird because it’s not really like her! She loves a gossip, but usually when it’s just us two alone in the kitchen! The performative under eating has always been strong but the receipt thing was so weird! I was actually a bit worried she was confused in the way people worry about parents becoming confused.

Also, for the person who asked how I feel about my cousin, I don’t actually know her well but I’d be loathe to blame any couple for having some arguments in the newborn phase.

He, surely?

I'd have found the first 2 tedious but if it was just family present, then maybe not too awful. But if she'd off loaded food onto my plate (and I barely knew her) I'd have lightly slapped her hand. That is really out of order.

Sorry, I hadn't RTFT.

Eh?

Well no 1 isn't great but depends who you're having lunch with. Close fiends vs work colleagues or associates.

2 is just odd. Not rude per se but boring.

3 is bloody rude

And your OK wity strangers putting their food on your plate cos THEY could never eat it but you surely can?