AIBU to think this guest's lunch behaviour was rude?

[embroideredpanda]

What would you think if you were at a celebratory lunch and a guest did the following:

1. discussed whether their niece (2 weeks postpartum) might get divorced as she and her husband have not been getting on since the baby arrived
2. when asked about a different recent social event, got out the receipt from that evening and complained about the small portions and cost of the wine, going through the cost of each item, including the extras for coffee modifications
3. Put food from their own plate onto the plate of the guest they knew the least (without asking), insisting they could never eat that much

YABU - normal behaviour
YANBU - rude behaviour

I take it, it's an older woman who has disordered eating? My DH still mentions how much a pint was at a birthday meal we went to. It depends on the company re DN, we'd discuss it in a worried/can we do anything to help way.

Her behaviour was dreadful but it wouldn't surprises me.

I don't see what's wrong with no.1 at all unless she's breaking a confidence, but that would be between her and her niece.
2 I suppose you don't like people talking about money in detail? Still not rude though.
Yes, 3 is rude if the person didn't want that food. If they're happy with it, it's better not to waste.

I read this as 'celebrity' lunch and was hoping you were going to spill the beans on some entitled show-bizzer.

1 - only rude if the niece was present!
2 - weird but not rude.
3 - I wouldn't like that if it was my plate!

With 1 and 2, it depends if she'd been asked about it first. If not, at best she sounds like a right bore!

I'm gonna guess the "rude" person is either a MIL or SIL...

This. If it was my plate I would have been annoyed and insisted she took it back

1. Indiscreet and gossipy but not rude.
2. Boring...but not rude.
3. Very mildly rude I suppose. Should have asked the other guest if they wanted it first. It's not a big deal though.

Is this your mil or sil? I'm getting in-law vibes but could well be wrong.

2 and 3 very rude and bizarre! Were the people at the previous social event also at this one?
1 is more gossipy and insensitive than anything. The kind of person who seeks attention for themselves by talking about the difficulties of others- urgh

The first two are just their version of conversation. Maybe her niece is going to get divorced? And she thinks she's the new Jay Rayner when it comes to restaurant reviews?

Putting food on someone's plate without asking them is a bit rude/odd. But not the end of the world. If it was me I'd just say 'no, I don't want that.' And put it back on hers!

I put unreasonable but I don’t agree with either of your options, it’s not normal by a long way but I’m not sure it’s rude either other than the food bit.

bUt ThEy DidN’t hAvE auTiSm whEn I wAS YoUNg 😅

The food part is gross though.

Sounds like an aunt I have.

Wouldn’t bother me perhaps a inward eye roll

a lot of time at things like this people just spout any old shit to break the silence or keep conversation going

Sounds like my mum. She’s always liked to doom-monger, obsess about the price of everything and has a degree of disordered eating “are you eating ALL OF THAT!!!!L could never eat THAT!!” But since dementia kicked in all filters are off and what was once sat on for social grace is now right out there.

Weird behaviour but those 3 examples don’t really scream ‘rude’ at me. Certainly a bit odd though.

The last thing is rude but I couldn’t get worked up about the other two.

I am guessing this is someone you really dislike: MIL or SIL?

Yep, all inappropriate rather than out and out rude.

Have you invited my mother over recently?

Unbelievably rude.
Absolutely uncouth behaviour.
Putting food on someone else's plate is hard to believe.
Never again.

It was my mum. Very amused that people guessed MIL or SIL! My mil and SIL are very relaxed and I enjoy their company!

I’m surprised people haven’t taken more issue with 1! I might not have explained it well but I wanted to floor to swallow me up when that started!

Half the people do not know her niece. Niece is already on her second husband. They are not actually getting divorced this is all just speculation. My mum was asked about their new baby and just couldn’t wait to tell us all about their marital problems at 2 weeks postpartum. All we got about the baby was its name.

More gauche than rude, I think. I’d suspect someone who isn’t used to middle-class entertaining. I could see my grandparents giving this sort of impression.

Idle gossip is tedious.

She sounds an ill-mannered bore and not somebody whose company I would voluntarily seek.

I agree with you, OP. Even without this additional information, gossiping about the state of your relative's marriage - whether the people who are present know her or not - is bad form.

If they don't know her, then is anything more mind-rotting than listening to anecdotes about complete strangers? If they do know her, it's petty and potentially damaging to family relations.

Either way it's hardly ideal table conversation.