AIBU to feel frustrated about managing TTC and fertile window sex?

[Laylaxoxo]

Aibu that I’m frustrated my partner is finding it hard to perform whilst we’re ttc? We have one DS, and would like another baby.

If I say I’m in my fertile bit (v briefly) and say let’s have sex apparently that puts him off and he then feels under pressure. So I just have to initiate naturally. It’s only actually been a few times that I’ve even mentioned it, as I am aware it can put them off.

So not only do women have to be pregnant for 9 months, give birth and all the rest but also we have to pretend we’re really h*rny during the fertile window and initiate DTD.

Don’t get me wrong I love DTD, but it feels like women have to orchestrate every aspect.
I’m posting as I can’t really talk about this to anyone but feeling frustrated like I have to keep track of it all and also keep it secret - as I feel chances would be lower than they already are if I didn’t track

Just have regular sex, ditch tracking and see what happens. We didn’t have tests when my dc were born, still got pregnant

Its best just to have regular sex throughout the month, no pressure

Does he even want this baby op? If he can perform ‘normally’ at any other time, I’d be questioning why he can’t when not only does he get to have sex, it may result in a baby he apparently wants?

LOL. A full time working couple with a child...let's all pretend they are having sex 4-5 times a week just for for the fun of it, sure.

Either just have sex normally or let him do the tracking/ share the app. Then you don't need to say anything, less pressure.

Assuming he wants a baby then he can do the easy bit of scheduling.

but also we have to pretend we’re really hrny*

So I take it this must mean you're not really "h*rny", but expect your DH to have sex with someone who doesn't want to do it, but is forcing herself to do it for other reasons?

Op if you’re this angry tbh I’d find it stressful!!!

Just have normal sex when you want to have sex!

What do you mean by pretend to be horny? You're not actually wanting sex you just want a semen deposit?!

She's angry because she has to pretend she's not the one doing the work here! TTC is hard. Of course it's on her mind. We are only fertile for a few days of the month and we are conscious of it. We are also conscious that once we do get pregnant, we have 9 months of hell to endure (or at least it was medical hell for me), schedule mat leave etc, so the timing will be on the OP's mind. OP is frustrated she has to pretend all this isn't on her mind. I get it OP.

This is the norm for some couples.

Honestly, I'm working 50 hours a week and also have a toddler. Having sex when I like could be ZERO times this month, zero or 2 times next month, maybe 10 times next month if work is easy and my toddler actually sleeps. Of course sex needs to be scheduled if you actually want a baby, everyone I know in real life has had to do the same.

You are meant to have sex every other day in the fertile period. That means being aware of the timing, you can't escape it.

Gosh I cannot imagine why he cant get in the mood 🤣🤣

And if it's not the norm for the particular couple you're part of, you have to track and
plan.

Sex when trying to conceive (when you’re tracking ovulation) is not the same sex you have when you just fancy it and the mood takes you. I think you’re being very unfair. When we were trying to conceive there were times I didn’t fancy it and felt stressed so we didn’t. Same when he felt the same way. I don’t think anyone should be pressured into having sex when they’re not in the mood.

Maybe you could try the Turkey baster approach 😬

Some of these replies are a bit harsh. I do actually know what you mean, my partner was similar, he felt under a lot of pressure when I told him I was in my fertile time, and it all became really difficult. We already had a young child, and not much free time so it wasn't like we could just have sex every second day and hope for the best. I don't really know what the answer is, we gave up for a bit and I got pregnant randomly in a month that we only had sex once. But I remember feeling very similar to you, I'm sorry, it's very stressful❤️