One sided ‘friendship’

[Kat19852222]

Need advise regarding a longterm friendship
Met this friend in 2010 when I started at university got very close almost like sisters we were in separable for the whole 3 years of university met up at weekends etc, she had to defer her last year for to being in hospital but I kept in touch made sure I saw her every week.
Fast forward a few years both had jobs working 12 hour shift pattern nights and days, I got pregnant winter of 2016 with my son who was born in the summer of 2017 still in touch I asked her to be my sons godmother. Still in touch over next few years but not as much as we use to, when I’d try to arrange something when often I’d have to bring my son (due to having no one else to look after him) she’d either go quiet or not respond. Contact slowly drained off but still saw each other about once a month.
Fast forward 2026 and we barely see each other anymore I’m always suggested to meet up but she’s too busy seeing other friends or going gym. I messaged her last week asking to meet as my son kept asking too see her but got usual excuses, I said I thought she could make more of an effort as she was going gym every day so could miss one session due to her godson wanting to see her, got no I’m busy I’m sorry ended the message with a full stop like she was trying to end the conversation…. Not responded but pretty pissed off when iv checked her instagram and seen she’s still at gym most days and is seeing other friends so the im busy with work excuse doesn’t fly…
Am I fair in thinking just stop all communication? As it seems very one sided to me

There is a middle ground where you stop expecting to meet but send a message every now and then checking in. It may be she doesn't want the same level of contact because she has other priorities
Yes you have to let her come to you a bit, and that means she might not
No do not take it personally there could be literally any reason.

I’m not contacting anymore my son was asking to see her I explained this got no reply but she read the message it’s rude. She goes to gym everyday but give that up for one day to see her godson. I’m done.

Sorry op don’t take it personally but she doesn’t want to be friends with someone who has to bring their child constantly. Let this friendship go.

Both of your priorities have shifted as time has passed and this happens to a lot of uni friendships in my experience. It sound like your lives are too different now. Yes it's painful but you may have to reconcile the fact that you are no longer as important to each other as you once were and that that's ok.

Friendships don't always last forever and it sounds like you're both at different stages in life. If she's not bothered about meeting up, concentrate on other friends.

Its a shame and I feel for you - I’ve had similar experiences.
Does she have kids? Is there a mental health problem? Like someone else has mentioned there could be any reason and I wouldn’t take it personally - fact of life some friendships drift.
She is clearly more of a priority to you than you are to her - I’ve been here many a time, I would back off with the effort and see what happens. Don’t be too confrontational/angry - send friendly messages occasionally - birthdays etc.
Try not to get to wound up - focus your energy and effort on someone else.

No not kids I’m 40, with a longterm bf of 14 years and 1, 8 year old child whereas she has never had a stable longterm bf and no kids

Well I guess your lives are now quite different - less common ground.
Things change - maybe in a few years time you’ll be in a ‘more similar situation’
Either way I would keep things friendly but back off on the effort - focus on people who make the time for you

Nah I’m done with her. I’m not responded to any messages anymore I’m going to ghost her. My son who’s her godson is disabled with additional needs he was excluded from mainstream and now attends a special school she knows all this but has never offered any kind off support apart from a text every 3 months asking how he is. She was sectioned a while ago in hospital and I did nothing but support her. If someone can go on holiday every 3 months and to the gym every day she has no excuse.

Easier said than done when your have no other means of childcare only the child’s dad who works Opposite to what I work. She should have made more of an effort she is his godmother, if you can go gym everyday you have no excuse.

I think you should be more understanding of her not wanting to meet with you and your child. She's 40 and may want kids and not be able to have them or the opportunity to have them.

The threshold for being sectioned is incredibly high these days. You mention working 12 hour shifts in your profession that you both trained for together- is this nursing? If so, surely you should know this and perhaps be more understanding that staying active and healthy is imperative for improving mental well-being. Perhaps she is going through more than you think. You cannot decipher much from the carefully curated highlights somebody chooses to post on Instagram.

You seem to be incredibly accusatory and full of assumptions, rather than curious about why things have shifted. As a childfree person, I would certainly be making excuses if a friend brought their child along to every meet up. It changes the whole tone; it can be incredibly challenging to have a conversation and speak freely if a child is constantly there and demanding their mother's attention.

You are also acting like she is your DM not making time for her grandchild, not a godmother who was a friend from uni. The title of godmother means very little to so many people, many people never see their godparents into adulthood. Trying almost emotionally blackmail her by informing her your son is asking for her is so manipulative. Do you really want her to meet you simply because she feels guilty?

Not sure why you said you needed advice, OP, when after the first reply you declared "I'm done".

She doesn’t want to meet up with you & the child, being godmother means nothing really. She’s just not that into you sorry op but you really lack understanding for other peoples points of views. Shes childless by choice, she doesn’t want to hang out with other peoples kids. Its obvious by the way shes behaving.