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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you are the Rachel from (near) Tunbridge Wells and a (former) French teacher?

41 replies

SeekingRachel · 29/05/2026 17:28

AIBU in looking for Rachel..

And around 2000-2002 had a long distance relationship with a Frenchman living in Paris, surname starting with L?

And were you planning, in around 2002, to move to another EU country with him (not France)?

And did you choose a flat together in a quiet, greenish area of the new city?

And did you, very last minute, decide not to make the move and to end the relationship?

The dates may be slightly out. The gist isn't.

If this sounds familiar, I would really love to know why you didn't go - the real story.

I met him a few years later. He told me that it was probably because your mother didn't like him. She had a thing against him because he was French and she convinced you to dump him. Back when he told me, he was the big victim in the story. I was totally naive then and thought it sounded odd, but people are strange, so it wasn't impossible, right? And he was clearly sad about it all. Poor, sweet him....

I ended up marrying him. And I've often thought about you, and wondered. I eventually managed to get divorced. And if you read this and do not get in touch, please know you that you did the right thing, whatever the reason was, to simply not come. He is a master manipulator and coercive controller. When I tried to divorce him, it took years and years and years. I thought about how simply not turning up was brilliant - assuming that was actually what happened!

There are some details I've missed out, i.e. the name of the city and country you were moving to, his name, where his family is from, his work etc, so you can fill them in if it's really you. You could DM me or just reply below (obviously without his personal details).

OP posts:
LittleGreenDuck · 29/05/2026 17:30

Well this is intriguing. Is it the opening for a novel?

Blimms · 29/05/2026 17:31

LittleGreenDuck · 29/05/2026 17:30

Well this is intriguing. Is it the opening for a novel?

It definitely sounds like it.

DoloresDelEriba · 29/05/2026 17:31

Gets 🍿 and takes a seat.

ImDoingItImDoingDoubleDenim · 29/05/2026 17:33

LittleGreenDuck · 29/05/2026 17:30

Well this is intriguing. Is it the opening for a novel?

I don’t think so? I think she’s split from her manipulative husband and just wants to know if he treated the previous gf like that too.

ShouldKnowBetterButNeverLearn · 29/05/2026 17:36

Where did you meet him OP, was it a long distance relationship as well?

SeekingRachel · 29/05/2026 17:45

LittleGreenDuck · 29/05/2026 17:30

Well this is intriguing. Is it the opening for a novel?

Definitely not.

OP posts:
FaceBothered · 29/05/2026 17:51

Blimey, some threads are batshit on a Friday.

NotTheOrdinary · 29/05/2026 17:53

Don't give up your day job.

SeekingRachel · 29/05/2026 17:56

I know I've posted on AIBU. I did that because I do want to hear from her. But if it makes any difference, there's a lot of pain in my post. I'm not joking around or making this up for Friday entertainment. I have children with this man. I don't know how else to find this former girlfriend, to maybe hear a bit about his past. If she wants to.

OP posts:
HedgehogsOnTheWall · 29/05/2026 18:06

How do you know there even was a Rachel? Have you seen independent proof of her existence (a photo, letters) or are you simply taking your XH's word for it?

FaceBothered · 29/05/2026 18:06

This 'Rachel' woman's relationship 26 years ago is none of your business though.

You could be any creepy stalker or a debt collector, and even though the chances of her ever reading this thread are extremely remote, I'd advise her not to respond.

dewne · 29/05/2026 18:09

Christ, this is a Strange post

Motnight · 29/05/2026 18:09

Honestly Op, leave Rachel alone. In fact if this is true just delete the post. Rachel won't be seeking your approval.

saveforthat · 29/05/2026 18:11

FaceBothered · 29/05/2026 18:06

This 'Rachel' woman's relationship 26 years ago is none of your business though.

You could be any creepy stalker or a debt collector, and even though the chances of her ever reading this thread are extremely remote, I'd advise her not to respond.

Oh I really hope Rachel responds.

SeekingRachel · 29/05/2026 18:15

FaceBothered · 29/05/2026 18:06

This 'Rachel' woman's relationship 26 years ago is none of your business though.

You could be any creepy stalker or a debt collector, and even though the chances of her ever reading this thread are extremely remote, I'd advise her not to respond.

Honestly, I didn't think about that. To be honest, if someone was asking to get in touch with me about a man I was in a pretty serious relationship with in the past, I'd reply. But I'd ask some details too, to be sure. But what could a debt collector do via an anonymous post. I'd not be asking her where she is now. I'd not ask her anything about her current situation, only the past.

OP posts:
FaceBothered · 29/05/2026 18:18

SeekingRachel · 29/05/2026 18:15

Honestly, I didn't think about that. To be honest, if someone was asking to get in touch with me about a man I was in a pretty serious relationship with in the past, I'd reply. But I'd ask some details too, to be sure. But what could a debt collector do via an anonymous post. I'd not be asking her where she is now. I'd not ask her anything about her current situation, only the past.

To be honest, if someone was asking to get in touch with me about a man I was in a pretty serious relationship with in the past, I'd reply. But I'd ask some details too, to be sure.

Which could mean it's the actual ex boyfriend himself who's stalking you.

SeekingRachel · 29/05/2026 18:20

HedgehogsOnTheWall · 29/05/2026 18:06

How do you know there even was a Rachel? Have you seen independent proof of her existence (a photo, letters) or are you simply taking your XH's word for it?

The rental estate agent knew she was coming. I have met someone who is friends with the real estate agent (years ago) and talked about something specific related to her non-arrival. His mother also mentioned her in passing at one point. So I do believe she exists.

However, it's a good point that he could have lied about her existence, because, I didn't see any photos. He could have gotten rid of them though.

Honestly, I am not trying to harass this woman. I just thought she could fill me in on some things and like I said, I'd do the same if I saw a post about an ex of mine. Especially one like him. But there's been enough horrible things happen and this thread is now making me think even more of my life could have been manipulated by him.

OP posts:
ShillyShallySally · 29/05/2026 18:21

Why though? You’re divorced now just put it all behind you and move forward.

vodkaredbullgirl · 29/05/2026 18:22

😕

SeekingRachel · 29/05/2026 18:22

FaceBothered · 29/05/2026 18:18

To be honest, if someone was asking to get in touch with me about a man I was in a pretty serious relationship with in the past, I'd reply. But I'd ask some details too, to be sure.

Which could mean it's the actual ex boyfriend himself who's stalking you.

Oh god. Yes. But I'm not. Mumsnet can verify if necessary, that I've been on here for years. And they could also verify that under a different username, I've previously (a few years ago now) posted about an abusive relationship. I stopped posting, because life got even harder and I was just trying to carry on.

OP posts:
stillhiding1990 · 29/05/2026 18:23

If she wanted you to know she would have told you

DreadedInn · 29/05/2026 18:25

@SeekingRachel I hope you get what you need from this

SeekingRachel · 29/05/2026 18:29

stillhiding1990 · 29/05/2026 18:23

If she wanted you to know she would have told you

How on earth could she have done that? If my only way of contacting her is via an anonymous post on an internet forum, how would she have been able to get in touch with me - she doesn't even know I exist. And given some of the responses here, she'd have been told to leave me alone!

OP posts:
Deerintheglenn · 29/05/2026 18:31

You could ask in the Tunbridge Wells Facebook group.

FaceBothered · 29/05/2026 18:32

But why are you trying to make this woman responsible for filling in the past of the man you married and divorced?

It's not her responsibility and given 26 years have passed since she dated him, why do you think she'd want to drag it all up and tell a complete stranger about her personal life?