to ask if anyone else is JAM (just about managing) and it’s getting them down

[Besidemyselfwithworry]

As it says in the title

We are both working but we are not earning a huge amount, but apparently too much for any help with any UC. This makes us JAM (just about managing)
So every month the money comes in and out and there is hardly anything over.

5 years ago we were fine but with the COLC it’s just getting harder and harder. My teen said to me last night “Mum we could go on rich house poor house, maybe someone could help us and it would be like being on holiday In a fancy house with a pool”!!!! Absolutely broke my heart. I’ve been in tears I’m so stressed with money anyway this nearly sent me over the edge.

I seem to be surrounded by friends booking numerous weekends away (we get asked but never go), holidays, going to balls, buying expensive pets, lots of meals out etc etc - I don’t have anyone IRL I feel will relate to my situation at all. Most people are away this week for half term we’ve hardly done anything other than been to the park!

I’ve decided today I’m going through the bills and looking at everything but I feel that we have already cut back where we can, and there’s nowhere left to cut back! I sell what we can on vinted and we don’t have many luxuries. It’s just absolutely crazy.

Just so fed up that even a week away in the UK is looking unlikely this year!

Just us then 😱

Not just you. I hear you. It amazes me how people afford stuff but assume they must all be high earners.

No, it's not just you. I feel like I see at least one thread a day on this topic. It's hugely depressing and demotivating.

I think we were JAM but my DP got a promotion in March and I just got a raise at work so we've got a bit of breathing room. I expect it'll be eaten up with cozzie livs and we'll be back where we started before long.

It’s not just you op. I feel MN is quite affluent as a rule…we are ‘ok’ but notice the pinch. The only way I’ve ever improved my family’s circumstances is by getting a new job, at triple the salary. Can you or partner get a new job? If teacher/nurse can you do agency? Changing the WAY you work can help massively; coujd be a risk but to get more cash flow It could be a consideration

Not just you. We did have an off season holiday this year, paid over the year, it has knocked me as I was only crawling back after the Christmas expenses before needing spending money.
Similar to your family, in the past we had money to spare for nice treats, I haven’t had my nails or hair done since November, money seems to disappear.

yes they must be! It’s just depressing!

I do admin for the nhs and my partner is in retail management
I think you’re right tho we need to look outside the box - a triple my salary rise would be a dream!

Yes I dye my own hair and my partner trims it at the back and I do his. I cut the kids hair - I did a hairdressing course years ago so a good skill to have!!!
nails - not had them done for about 3 years my friend bought me a lamp and some gels for my birthday I do my own now.

we don’t smoke and barely drink and certainly never have alcohol at home only if we go out. It’s just so depressing all the time.

I think there are millions of people in this situation, not just you. It’s horrific.
I have no answers I’m afraid.

Credit cards.

I got my hair done today and the lady doing it (after conversation strayed into more personal topics) told me she is heavily in debt on credit cards.

It’s far more common than we think.

I don't buy new clothes, get given from friends/relatives, don't have hair cuts, don't have nails. Holidays are house sitting. Even so what my salary would stretch to cover won't any more. I retrained and have got more money and hours in a different sector. However I don't know how younger people with bigger mortgages and still with childcare costs are managing at all. I do blame the relentless rise of house prices through buy to let that is what has really cost me I think.

Is it really new though? Both my parents were teachers and I was young in the 80s when mortgage rates rocketed. We only went abroad twice (Greece when my grandad died and they inherited when I was five and then France when I was 14). Every other holiday was a house swap with friends or relatives. My parents never bought new clothes, they drove old cars and we are out on birthdays two or three times a year down the local pub. Certainly no nails, posh haircuts/colour and of course there were no mobile phones. This was totally normal among my friends and all their parents were professionals too. Do we just expect too much nowadays?

Yes I think a lot of people stash stuff on the never never don’t they?

I just feel tho it’s just depressing to not even be able to go out for tea once in a while, I’m not talking about going to Barbados!

Solidarity to those in a JAM situation….

This isn’t the best financial advice long term, but for those who are JAM and miserable about it I would consider remortgaging to lower my monthly payments (typically by extending the term). Obviously that won’t work well if you are currently on a low ish fixed rate.

Going through outgoings generally is a good idea. There are threads on here re COLC etc could be worth a look, though I rarely find much I haven’t already thought of.

Just found this on another thread https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/money-help/

We’ve looked at that
we’re 46 and have 18 years left on the mortgage so we’ll be 64 so don’t really want to do that in an ideal world.
I’ve been thru the bills and it’s a bit depressing to be honest everything is so much isn’t it.
we’re heading out soon tho going to the community grocer which is amazing - if people have heard of them have a google in your local area.

If you do admin for the nhs can you consider any courses? It won’t improve your earnings immediately but by doing free dipmoas etc I’ve gone from band 2 to 6 over 8 years and my earnings have really improved.
as an aside I do understand, I was jam for a long long time and even now I don’t feel rich because even though I earn everything costs more

So yes and no.

Expectation on what was good enough were definitely lower in the 80s, but equally things have also changed. More women work now, mortgage and rent outgoings are generally a bigger proportion of take home pay, families are often dispersed and less in the way of community activities (largely because women are now working) which were either free or low cost ways of entertaining the kids during holiday times, you didn't have to pay to have broadband etc just so you could work/live and so on.

The whole "but we didn't have mobile phones thing" is also a misnomer. The reality is just to manage family life now a mobile is almost an essential part. Pay for parking, book GP appointments, check school notifications (not to mention the kids now needing one because their homework gets uploaded to an app). So there are outgoings and expenses now which are just part and parcel of modern life... comparing eras is like comparing apples and pears. They are both fruit but taste completely different.

I’m a band 4 (also started as a 2) there’s a lot of restructuring at the moment so I am keeping my eyes open for something else. My current manager is good tho and has been super flexible with the kids but now the youngest (at primary year 2) will move from the infants section to the juniors for year 3, there will be less pulls on my time to be available In the week for stuff so definately a time to consider things.

I also find a lot of these jobs “have names on them” owing to people leaving, someone doings secondment before the job is advertised and so looking at secondments too.

I did have a chuckle at your reference to all the people you know who are “going to balls!” It seems you mix in high society!

From what you have said about your and DH jobs, I am guessing you earn around average/maybe just below average (£39k)? Is there anything you can do to improve your income?

Yes round here there seems to be “charity balls” nearly monthly!

band 4 nhs admin for me about £31k and £35k partner so under £70k between us but if I’d have said that even 5 years ago it would have been considered decent!!

But both actively looking 😊

We're in the same boat, all our friends appear to be managing great and having lots of holidays, and changing car. On the plus side we have food in the cupboards, a car that's paid off, clothes on our back and bar mortgage no debt. So far I've only booked a camping holiday this year.

Yanbu OP. I regard myself as pretty resourceful. I've paid a mortgage, worked full time, no benefits and coped on my own for all of ds' 17 years.

I've always been able to feed us both well, cooking from scratch for £55 a week. A good variety of meat, fish, dairy, fruit & veg. I make all our bread, grow salad , summer veg and fruit, I make jams and sauces. Ds is fit healthy, 6'2", eats endlessly. I try really hard.

But the last few weeks it just hasn't been possible. Today our week's food cost £63.50. The meat for one of the meals was yellow stickered which I wouldn't normally buy.

An extra £8.50 a week on food won't wreck my finances, £35 a month is not huge but it means something else will have to give.

I have the skills to deliver good food at limited cost, I don't know how people on lower incomes or those who don't know how to cook, are managing.

I really think people have way too high expectations. We have been living in comparative luxury to how people lived even 100 years ago. I mean, an example of someone in this thread 'cutting back' means having to do their own nails and have family cut their hair. People have no idea how lucky and luxurious their lives have been.