to ask if anyone else is JAM (just about managing) and it’s getting them down

[Besidemyselfwithworry]

As it says in the title

We are both working but we are not earning a huge amount, but apparently too much for any help with any UC. This makes us JAM (just about managing)
So every month the money comes in and out and there is hardly anything over.

5 years ago we were fine but with the COLC it’s just getting harder and harder. My teen said to me last night “Mum we could go on rich house poor house, maybe someone could help us and it would be like being on holiday In a fancy house with a pool”!!!! Absolutely broke my heart. I’ve been in tears I’m so stressed with money anyway this nearly sent me over the edge.

I seem to be surrounded by friends booking numerous weekends away (we get asked but never go), holidays, going to balls, buying expensive pets, lots of meals out etc etc - I don’t have anyone IRL I feel will relate to my situation at all. Most people are away this week for half term we’ve hardly done anything other than been to the park!

I’ve decided today I’m going through the bills and looking at everything but I feel that we have already cut back where we can, and there’s nowhere left to cut back! I sell what we can on vinted and we don’t have many luxuries. It’s just absolutely crazy.

Just so fed up that even a week away in the UK is looking unlikely this year!

Can I join? I really want to know where else to cut the cloth, so to speak. We both work - I work around DC so no child care costs. We don't drink alcohol or fizzy drinks, don't smoke or vape, don't go to salons or nail bars, don't go to coffee shops or eat out a lot, we cook food at home because it tastes much better but we live in a 2 bed flat (dds 13 and 10 sharing) and would like to go up the ladder just so they can have their own space. We live in the SE so pricey and I need to save for stamp duty and other moving costs to the tune of 30k and I don't know if it's possible at all in the next 2 yrs. I feel that it's also unfair to give up "living" or all things that give us joy and makes it all worthwhile. I feel that any salary increase is quickly taken by bills going up too!

Good to have goals and I would want the same for my children. In the meantime you might (or might not!) find ideas or comfort in looking up the “tiny homes” movement and also other families living in smaller spaces for how they manage and/or use space in clever ways, including to carve out own space for each child etc.

Being on universal credit doesn't exempt you from being JAM as most of us get nothing like the amounts being screamed about in the media. It also makes it harder to improve your situation as the cost of working plus withdrawal of UC makes you barely better off for doing more hours in some cases. The whole country is in a mess except for the very wealthy.

I'm so sorry OP. That is a very draining situation to be in. I am not in your situation but have been in th epast. And it put me in a poverty mindset - feeling like I could never afford anything nice. I got some financial advice (was in debt and had to work two jobs to get out of it.) One of the best pieces of advice was to divide disposable income into percentages. Even if you don't have much, you have a set percentage for food, household necessities, clothing etc and - crucially - fun, each week.

Even if it is only £20 a week. You know what it is and you can plan for it. Family film night with popcorn and home made pizzas. Or give DC £10 each to spend in town on accessories or a Primark tee. Or on icecreams. Up to them. But really enjoy the choices and vary them.

Doing this shifted my mindset and made me aware that some things were not as expensive as I thought. Like a megacheap Parkdean caravan break - adventure playground, free swimming pool, lovely beaches. Cook the food you'd cook at home. It's not a lavish holiday but it's a break.

Look out for free things too - free family events, free or very cheap admin fee only gigs and shows - sign up for the sites that advertise them. Go to museums and parks and beaches and woods. Have as much fun as possible for free.