AIBU to want to leave before family visit?

[Thenonstopcleaner]

We have DH family visiting today I already cancelled on them last week due to me not being well. I’m pretty much immobile at the minute due to my condition. The house is a dump and I’m so embarrassed by it. But I can’t clean how I want too. I’ve suggested we get a cleaner to DH but he just laughs and says what’s the point.

DH still fast asleep in bed and they are coming at 11. DH mum is a clean freak and I usually get the house sparkling before she is here.

Am I supposed to just sit here in this mess? I feel like asking my mum to pick me up just to get out of the house I’m so embarrassed by it. I’ve done what I can but it’s not enough.

No, go out and leave dh to entertain them.

Go out and leave him to it he doesn’t care if the house is a mess.Perhaps his clean freak mother will clean it for him as poor man is unable to manage.Have a chill day and find a cleaner and he can pay for it.Stay strong.

Does your DH not clean the house too?

I think your reaction is very extreme. You’re clearly seriously unwell, and you’re worrying about an IL family visit because the house isn’t clean, and you think it’s somehow your responsibility to clean it? Why not DH? His family, after all, plus he’s in perfect health?

I was bed bound for a week last week. He refused to wash up all the pots I made dinner for us with. He’s now moved the pots in the dishwasher to hide them instead of just washing them. He’s doesn’t clean properly no just runs the hoover about and will load the dishwasher. He never has as I’ve always done it. Now I can’t it’s all gone to crap.

I know you’re right I never thought about it like that.

When his clean freak mum complains?

"I've been ill all week, why hasn't your lazy son been brought up to pull his weight?"

I have to confess I’d want a divorce in your circumstances. I think you should stay, burst into tears at your mil and say dh refuses to clean ever and now I can’t we live in a pigsty, please could you give him some basics about how to wash a fucking dish, I’m so embarrassed and he just thinks it’s my job, and I think we might be going to divorce booo hooo.

Gently, OP, think about it in future, when you’re well again. You possessing a vagina is no reason why the housework is your job.

Why are they even coming when you are unwell?

I would either get your mum to collect you now and leave him to it

or stay and make it clear to mil you have been very ill and he has done nothing to help

You honestly don't have to put up with someone who refuses to engage with the basic tasks of living. Doesn't answer your immediate situation, but it's a thought for the future. 💐

Let her come and tell her that her son is refusing to look after you and pick up the slack. Tears will be acceptable too here.

Don’t leave your house, then he’ll blame you. Stay there and if his mother comments tell her that her lazy son refused to do anything to help when you were sick.

So you dragged yourself out of bed to cook dinner for you both (do you have children too?) and he couldn’t be bothered to wash up???
If you were so ill and bed bound you should have stayed in bed and left him to it! A decent man would have fed everyone and cleared away.
He’s still in bed even though they are coming today and he isn’t bothered by the mess. Why are you fretting about it? I know, you have standards and are embarrassed but really nothing will change if you don’t change.
Stay at home in bed and rest and leave him to it.
Or go out and leave him to it.
Your in laws’ opinions are nothing op. Let them all get on with it.
If you wear yourself ragged trying to do it all today NOTHING will
change.
Do you want this for the rest of your life?

Just stay upstairs with a good book. They are his parents and he should deal with them. If you were bed bound last week you shouldn't have been cooking. It takes time to recover from an illness which leaves you in bed for a week so you need to concentrate on that and not give a stuff what his parents think. If you want to be 'sociable' sit with your feet up and don't worry about looking ill and as PPs have said if your ILs are rude enough to comment about the house then tell them their son has forgotten how to clean as you are sure MIL must have taught him.....

Nope. Let them shame him. Look as ill as you feel, because you know damn well you're trying to look your best and push through. Sit down, get your aids out. Whatever you need when you're this ill. Look ill. Leave the house a mess. Let them see that their precious boy is laying in bed not caring for his sick wife or cleaning up after himself.

No op I get it! You shouldn’t be embarrassed, it’s that lazy fucker who should be embarrassed! But wouldn’t want people seeing my home in that state either.
Whys it your husbands decision if you get a cleaner? Just book one! He sounds like a child tbh. I’d text him family and apologise but say you’re not well enough for visitors and he’s still in bed, so you’ll have to rearrange.

Will they shame him though? Men don’t end up as lazy and selfish as that without mums enabling them to do so! Sad but true.

“I’m sorry about the mess. As you know immobile and it seems despite your best efforts to teach your DS your level of cleanliness it failed”

Covers you know her expectations, that it’s absolutely her DS fault and that you aren’t able - all in one sentence.

Tell her " Sorry about the mess but it's your own fault really because you raised a useless son who doesn't appear to be able to look after himself when his wife is incapacitated".

I’d take control of the situation. Message mil and say you are not feeling well but don’t want to cancel again so you are going to rest at your mums so they can see dh. Then ring your mum and go.

Ask your mum to come and collect you and hopefully look after you. He doesn’t deserve you.

Have a shower, clean pj's. Light blanket and sit with your feet up! When they come, comment you're unwell and unable to do anything and their whathisname, is just awful at housework. Advise them to help themselves to tea coffee etc. Sit there and make pleasant conversations 😊 good luck once they are away, if your able get your mum to pick you up and tell your husband you're not coming back till he either gets the house cleaned or agrees to a cleaner! Hopefully your mum has room for you.

Switching a dishwasher on takes seconds 🤷‍♀️