To insist on speaking to the parents if my son is staying over

[Twooclockrock]

Aibu to insist on speaking to the parents when my 12 year old, nearly 13, sleeps over at someones house?
My son thinks this is unreasonable.
His friends often stay and their parents don't call me or text me.
I don't know the friend but apparently Jimbob goes to his school.
He has a tracker on his phone.
He is out on his bike and going atraight there and just mesaged to ask if he can stay at the friends. I said you can if you give me his actual address and a phone number of one of the parents.
Aibu to ask this??

Yanbu imo, its just good parenting

I’m pretty lax about this kind of thing (and have had my arse handed to me on here accordingly) but I would definitely want to know where and who a 12 yr old is staying with overnight. With phones, it’s so easy to get their number and send a quick text.

Definitely yes. Even when calling casually to a new friend I will ask for the number and send a msg. Usually just to say hi and here is my number in case of emergency, that kind of thing.

Not remotely unreasonable. I always think of Breck Bednar - he was 14. It's really important to know where your children are staying overnight. A tracker won't keep anyone safe, it only indicates where a person was at a particular point in time.

If you dont know the parent then yes.

DDs have a few friends where im happy for them to make the arrangements now... but this is after a few sleepovers.

P

In this situation I'd want a confirmation from the parents. My dd made new friends in Year 9 and went to a few sleepovers where I'd never had any contact with the parents but I would drop her off so I knew where she was and obviously they were planned in advance.
This sounds a bit adhoc so I'd want to double check parents were OK with the last minute arrangement and I'd want to know exactly where he was in case of emergency.

Whenever my kids had sleepovers at home in year 7 or 8 I always invited the parents in so they could feel reassured we were normal and it was a nice clean house.

At 12 YANBU

I would go one further - I always wanted to actually meet the parents before the first sleepover. After that, a quick text to confirm that it was actaully happening and that a parent would be physically in the house.

My kid had form for giving out a bogus number, which he himself replied to on adventures with his pals, so I got hip to all this pretty quickly.

With dd I dropped off and met parents that way I wouldn’t have been comfortable with her going to someone house and I had no idea what it was like

i would say I need the address to drop off toothbrush etc. then pop in to say hello to parents, take some snacks for the kids.

Absolutely you need to know where he is spending the night, and you need to check with the parents that it's OK and that they know about this arrangement.
You don't want to be that person calling the police when your son is missing saying you don't know where he was or who he was staying with.

Yes absolutely you speak to the mum. DS used to moan about me doing this but when I spoke to the mum they’d often have exactly the same approach! At 16 it’s different but 12 no way would my son be going off somewhere I didn’t know with people I hadn’t met.

I wouldn't let my two sleepover unless I knew the family, in case of lax parenting, pervy uncles or aggressive dogs.

At that age and when it's his first time staying with that particular family AND you don't know the friend or the parents, I would absolutely make sure that you (or son's other parent) has spoken with one of the parents about the sleepover plans. With an established friend who routinely stays over at yours and vice versa, I might not but it's not out of the ordinary either.

I would ring and speak to the parents to check plans and that there was going to be an adult in until DC were 16. Once they went into 6th form I would still sent a text message just to check it was ok.

Not remotely unreasonable. When my 19 YO DS went to stay with a friend who lives about 50 miles from us , I insisted on driving him there and meeting the parents !

My rule has always been if you're at someone else's house I need contact with their parents.
Hasn't come up yet with the 12 year old, who still only has "playdates" with people we've known forever (their choice)
But not that unusual, 15 year old had a friend over in the day a couple of weeks ago and the Dad asked for my number.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable. You are the adult and you are the parent, it's your job to keep your son safe (the best, as parents we can). Yes, you absolutely need an address of where he'll be staying and yes, you need a phone number for the parent/s. You need to check with the child's parents that it's convenient for him to stay. For all you know, the boys have cooked the idea up between themselves but the parents have no clue, until your son appears on their doorstep!!

At 19?

Yep ! 😄

Absolutely you should double check with the parents that they agree and are there to supervise and yo know where he is.

This is very basic.
Don't listen to his complaints.

My children certainly weren't doing random sleepovers at that age in houses i didn't know.

Not in the least, op. You’d be extremely negligent if you didn’t.

I thought that was odd too! I was at university at 19, my parents had no clue where I was staying the night!

Odd or not , my DS was very happy for me to drive him and meet his new uni friend and his family. In fact several years later we are all good friends. My care for my kids didn’t stop at 18