To insist on speaking to the parents if my son is staying over

[Twooclockrock]

Aibu to insist on speaking to the parents when my 12 year old, nearly 13, sleeps over at someones house?
My son thinks this is unreasonable.
His friends often stay and their parents don't call me or text me.
I don't know the friend but apparently Jimbob goes to his school.
He has a tracker on his phone.
He is out on his bike and going atraight there and just mesaged to ask if he can stay at the friends. I said you can if you give me his actual address and a phone number of one of the parents.
Aibu to ask this??

Insisting on meeting your child's friend family when they are 19 is probably the opposite of "caring". How are they meant to develop any independence?

It IS odd in my circle of friends - what is wrong with me saying that? I wasn't judging you, just saying it was unusual and I wasn't the only one. Great that you have a different set up that works for you. Not sure why you felt the need to make a passive aggressive comment that implied that maybe my folks stopped caring for me at 18. It's 30 years later now and we're thick as thieves. Being allowed to spread my own wings as an adult didn't do me any harm at all.

My care didn't either. Including letting my kids become independent.

I think your title is different from what you implied in your op, and what some people are replying to.

"To insist on speaking to the parents if my son is staying over"

is different for me, from

"Knowing where he is, whose house it is, and being able to contact him (and he us) "

Mine would be back on their bikes and coming home.

I personally wouldn't allow a sleepover in these circumstances; but if I did they would be coming home to pack some things and I'd then drop them off.

Or course you need to meet the parents. I mean, who are these people??

YANBU, he’s still a child and the parents would need your details in the event of an emergency. Your son is just being a typical 12 year old

We had similar to this today - my 12 year old son said a school friend had invited him for a sleepover - it’s someone who has been up to our farm to play a handful of times since they started year 7, and who has slept over here once. I have met the mum just on that one occasion (she seemed very nice, but we spoke for a few minutes tops). So, because I had her number from that previous time, I texted her just to confirm what time and what to bring. It all checked out and the boys are over there now having a lovely time, but I always make contact with parents when inviting kids of that age for sleepovers etc, and I contact the parents if my son goes to stay somewhere even with his best friend as it’s just polite to check it’s a real arrangement and not something the boys have cooked up between them without checking!

I let my 14 year old make his own arrangements but prompt him to ask what he needs to bring, and he only goes for sleepovers with his closest friends (a group of 6 of them and they almost all go very time), so I know all the parents a bit now anyway.

Thanks all, he provided the number in pretty quick time and I spoke to the parent. Who was aware of their planning the sleepover and was pleased I had contacted them. So all good.
I just wanted to check if I was being over the top, which I didn't think I was, but we have had kids stay over where the parent hasn't messaged me at all and I have to check with the kid that they have contacted their parents. So wondered if it was a notmal thing. Anyway seems I am not alone :)

Totally reasonable. My eldest had two newer friends stay over recently and both parents reached out and wanted to meet. I invited them in but neither wanted to stay long. I think we give safe vibes to other parents. They had a great time and the parents were happy, as was I.

I ask this too - i find it incredible that most parents don’t do this . I have a 13yr old and a 16 yr old.

My son had a sleepover at the weekend for his birthday, just 2 friends, nothing big. 1 mum contacted me and brought him to the door and we had a lovely chat, the other was dropped off and picked up with no contact.
I would definitely have made contact in advance. For the record, my son just turned 14.