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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to change my 5mo DS name.

41 replies

wickedwitchofthenorth · 22/06/2008 21:30

Really cannot get used to his name. DH and I picked it because it was the only one we could agree on, but now I'm really regretting it.

It just doesn't suit him and it feels wrong calling it him. I

It is also my FILs name, and my MIL was soo pleased and so now if I go and change it she will probably take it personally.

His name is John by the way.
I wish I'd called him Adam or William (Liam)

Is it a bit too late to change it? Should I just hope that it grows on me or should I go back to the registry office.

Thought I'd get more feedback on AIBU rather than baby names board.

what would you do?

OP posts:

Gobblegobble · 22/06/2008 21:33

Has he got a middle name? Could you call him by that instead? Or leave his first name as John and change his middle name but use that as his main one? What does your DH say?

RGPargy · 22/06/2008 21:33

Hmmm, a toughie, but if you dont like it, just speak to DH and get a Change of Name Deed done. Not sure if you can get it changed at the Registry Office but i was of the opinion that once it's done, it's done, although i could be wrong!

gigglewitch · 22/06/2008 21:34

can you somehow look into possibilities of adding a name, without changing the John bit if you don't want to upset mil?

gothicmama · 22/06/2008 21:34

you can change the name up to 12 months old not sure how though, does your ds respond to John and will other people call him the new name and not the old one otherwise he may get confused later on, c

Millarkie · 22/06/2008 21:35

I think you can change it up within the first year. We discussed changing ds's middle name but didn't bother in the end.

artichokes · 22/06/2008 21:35

What about calling him Jack? It is a traditional diminuitive of John so you would not have to change his official name.

OverMyDeadBody · 22/06/2008 21:37

you can change his name, and if you really don't like it then I don't think yabu to change it.

Does your DH agree?

Even if it's past the twelve months you can still change his name by deed poll at any time.

How about adding a name and leaving John as a middle name to appease mil?

lucykate · 22/06/2008 21:39

what about using an alternate form of john, like johnny or jack?

onebatmother · 22/06/2008 21:40

that's a good idea artichokes. Or JOhnnie, JOhno, johnjo, jonty, jean, jean-paul etc

12 months is right. I'd add, rather than changing it completely OP - as giggle said. then IL's can continue to call ds John, while you tell everyone else it's now Hedregaard (insert own choice here)

My father calls my ds the Spanish diminutive of his real name, which is v different from his real name, and DS completely gets the two-name deal.

somethingsticky · 22/06/2008 21:45

I desperatly wanted to change dd's name for ages after she was born but it was the only one dh and I could agree on and he refused point blank to enter into discussions about new names. I could have changed it at 5 months without confusing her as I never ever used it and she was in danger of thinking her name was pooey pants! My issue was that it was a really girly name and she looked like a boy in drag. That was until she grew hair.... she didn't put on much weight and now, at nearly two, is the tinest daintiest girl who totally suits her name! I'm glad that the PND meant that I couldn't get my act together to give her a tomboy name

barnstaple · 22/06/2008 21:47

My dad's name was Ronald but his mum and the rest of his family always called him John (which isn't on his birth certificate at all). You can call him what you like; when he's older he'll decide what he wants, but he'll be used to what you call him.

I have a friend whose real name is Pete, and when he goes back to his home town that's what he's known as, but every one everywhere else knows him as Al. No idea why.

Original poster

wickedwitchofthenorth · 22/06/2008 21:50

My DH likes the name but he does agree that he can't get used to calling him it.

Infact I don't think he ever has called him by his name (we both call him things like "little man",gorgeous / beautiful/ etc etc anything other than his actual name!!) How awful is that?!

It is just so strange, I try to call him John but when I say it out loud it just doesn't sound right.

Will experiment with Jack and see how it fits.

DH doesn't like DS middle name but as he didnt come with me to register the birth I made an executive decision on that one!

OP posts:

jellybelly2007 · 22/06/2008 21:53

Think if you have baby baptised before theyre 1, you can change it that way. Not 100 % sure on that tho.
If youre gonna change his name though, best to do it quickly as he'll get used to John, and then youre stuck.
FWIW I think YANBU, there are much nicer names out there. (DS2 called Adam, backup name was Liam).
Just let MIL call him John if she insists, but at the end of the day, he's YOUR BABY.

Rosevie · 22/06/2008 21:54

I think the Jack idea is great. Quote President Kennedy at the MIL if she gets upset.

findtheriver · 22/06/2008 21:56

Well I prefer John to Adam or William and definitely to Liam!
Trouble is, of you and your DH can't agree on what to change it to, then you may as well leave it as it is!! I think John is a great name - it's relatively unusual in his generation while still being a traditional name. it's a strong name, and will suit him at all ages rather than being just a cutesy baby name or just a grown up name IYSWIM.

Squirdle · 22/06/2008 21:56

Yup, we have a friend who is really called Gary, but we call him Ed....everyone does except his parents.

Jonny is sweet, I know a little boy called Jonny who is very cute.

allgonebellyup · 22/06/2008 21:59

i called my dd quite an old fashioned name, although its trendy now, and it just never rolled off the tongue.
Luckily it was really easy to shorten it to something quite different so people dont usually realise what her real name is!!!!

Original poster

wickedwitchofthenorth · 22/06/2008 22:04

you are so right findtheriver. We picked John for the exact reasons that you said. maybe it's because its not a cute name that it doesn't seem to suit him right now but Ive stuck with it because I'm hoping that he will grow into it.

OP posts:

BEAUTlFUL · 22/06/2008 22:04

I'd change it. Definitely. I know that feeling of their name being wrong... DH and I had agreed on DS2's name while I was preg, but in the hospital I couldn't get it to suit him. I wanted another name to which DH was vehemently opposed and eventually got my own way! His new name is perfect & I'm so proud to say it out loud.

DH has now decided he loves the new name, and is v glad "we" decided to change it.

BEAUTlFUL · 22/06/2008 22:07

I love the name John, but agree it would be hard to say to a baby. Weird, innit? At the school the other day, I heard a mum calling her little boy John and I realised I never see boys with that name anymore.

What about shortening it (at the moment) to Joe? I can imagine babbling that, starry-eyed, to a cute little baby.

soopermum1 · 22/06/2008 22:21

my dad's real name is john but he was born during the war and my grandad came back and said it was a crap name, so he's now known as ian.

personally, i think john is a lovely name and he'll suit it when he's older, how about johnnie or something? there's a lot of cute names around at the moment that suit young children but i don't think they'll work so well for adults.

vInTaGeVioLeT · 22/06/2008 22:29

can't you call him johnny or jono? they are more cutesy baby names {sorry Johnny Depp!}

vInTaGeVioLeT · 22/06/2008 22:30

yeah 'cos johnny depp's always on mumsnet

deckchair · 22/06/2008 22:33

Gosh, wwotn, I have had the same conversation with my dh about our ds's name (7mo)
We called our ds a name that was on our list for our first lo as he just didnt seem to suit any that were on our list for him. I bitterly regret calling him what we did and wish we had called him an unusual name that we had on our list which i absolutely love. (and others wouldnt but hey!!)
We have had him christened so no option in changing via that route.
On the other hand, I call him his name more than i used to and he seems to know it himself now, so couldn't inflict a change on him now!! Maybe you could use his name more and it would be a help.
btw, John is a nice name, or u could try Johnny .

thehappyprince · 22/06/2008 22:34

I'm afraid I think yabu. I think babies grow into & with their names, it's more to do with you that you don't like it and want to change it. John's a great name anyway, and think it would be very hurtful to inlaws (and husband?) to change it. Not to mention that for others in family, he probably does seem like a "john" now.

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