AIBU to stop texting when a friend seems dry over messages?

[ProudAzureSquid]

One of my friends has seemed a bit off over text lately. Not rude or anything, just dry enough that I’ve started feeling like I’m bothering him whenever I message.
Earlier we had a slightly awkward conversation and I ended up saying “you seem kinda pissed, I won’t text now.” He replied quickly saying he wasn’t pissed, so I don’t think there’s actually any issue between us.

After that though, I just didn’t really feel like carrying on the conversation. I’m not angry with him and I don’t want things to be awkward at all, I think I’m just a bit tired of always being the one keeping the texting going.
Part of me feels like I should send something normal afterwards just so it doesn’t seem weird, but another part of me thinks I might be overthinking it and it’s fine to just leave the conversation where it naturally ended (with him saying he's not pissed).

AIBU for not replying further and just leaving it there? 😶

Some people (me included) just aren't texters. I can't be bothered with chit chat over text and sometimes take days to reply. Perhaps you are just different in how you communicate.

Yeah I totally get that, which is why I stepped back a bit. He used to text me way more before so I’m just a bit confused by the sudden change. I don’t know whether to reply now after he said he’s not pissed or just leave it there though

I find it better to actually speak to people. All this texting drives me nuts and takes longer than actual human engagement. That way you can also tell by tone of voice etc. Facial expression if you video call.

Look at me getting all modern suggesting video calls.

Yeah, I agree.

It wasn’t even a long conversation, I just sent something short. I’m just wondering whether I should say anything now after he said he’s not pissed, or if it’s better to leave it there.

Maybe he’s got a girlfriend now.

I have a partner 😅

Good grief. Not everyone is in the mood to chat all the bloody time. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re annoyed, simply that sometimes they’ve got other things to do and think about beyond giving you attention. You sound very needy and I think you need to learn to take a hint.

Pissed? Or pissed off?

It’s not like I’m constantly messaging him though. I text him once in a while, but his replies felt a bit different compared to before so I just wondered if something was up

They’re interchangeable really, depending on the sentence.

I have a friend who used to message an email all the time

But he doesn't anymore, and I actually asked him about it. He said openly that he is now just really hating doing that - he actually got quite angry talking about another friend who apparently sends him chatty messages all the time. I agree, she's a bit much I don't always reply. That I was surprised at how angry he seemed to be, given the chance to talk about it. He really wanted to vent!

i'm not quite sure when it changed. He's very antisocial now and doesn't come out with us anymore. I think work and family and getting older is just all piling on top of him. I know he's gaming a lot. He says it helps with the stress of work.

@ProudAzureSquid about your situation

Yeah, I basically stopped texting him

It's clearly pissing him off and he just doesn't wanna say so.

It’s actually nice hearing that perspective, thank you for sharing! I think I probably will cut down on texting a bit. And compared to last year, I’ve noticed quite a big change in how he texts in general.

@ProudAzureSquid glad it was helpful

I suppose we can't know what's happened with someone that there was a definite change in my friend as well

Now, if I don't message, I won't hear from him for a few weeks, but at least when he gets in touch I don't have to think that he's annoyed that I haven't messaged or whatever. He was very clear chatty messaging was getting on his nerves. And he sent loads of messages when they cost money! Like when we both first got mobile phone age 19 - going to guess you a lot younger than we are though!

he does seem pleased to see people when we do meet up but he's doing a lot less of it. He also gets cross if anyone messages after 9 pm he told me. Proper grumpy old man territory.

Update : I asked him directly (not like in a needy way but made a light joke) instead of making assumptions. He said he's just not in the mood for texting anyone right now and told me not to worry. ^^ Thank you everyone for advice.

Just back off. You seem needy

YABU to say pissed if you mean pissed off, unless you're American.

I’m actually not usually needy - he used to text a lot before, so I just noticed the sudden change. I asked him about it, and he said he hasn’t been feeling very good lately, so of course I’m not going to push him.

Means drunk where I am?!

I’m not American, but I grew up learning American English, and people say “pissed” on its own all the time where I live. 😅
It just depends on the grammar of the sentence. “You seem pissed” sounds natural because “pissed” is being used as an adjective, but “she pissed me” sounds incomplete because there it’s being used like a verb, and you’d normally say “pissed me off.”

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/mpxnla/pissed_or_pissed_off/

Harsh

This 100%. If you want a conversation ask to meet me or call me but do not start sending 'Hey how are you'? messages to me thinking we are going back and forth forever more because I do not do that. I actually feel stressed when I see a message from someone, finally get to answer their query and straight away they text back. I have absolutely everything muted bar the actual ringer on my phone so I dont get notifications. If something is urgent someone will call me not send a whatsapp as far as I am concerned. Drives me mad people trying to have a full on back and forth message going at all times.

In answer to your question yes leave it.

Pissed where I am means drunk.

In the UK:

Pissed = drunk
Pissed off= angry

They are not interchangeable.

My experience of a similar situation leads me to ask you to tread carefully. We never know what might be influencing a friends behaviour, especially if we don't see them frequently.

I have a friend who lives in another country, and text/email is our normal way of talking. This year I noticed that she'd been fairly quiet, responding to my messages with a brief word of two and rarely initiating conversations.

I was a bit sad, but figured we haven't seen each other for five years so maybe it was time to let go.

this week I got a text from her telling me she'd had a tumour removed from her mouth and has had radiotherapy. Both the operation and the subsequent treatment has, understandably , left her wiped out.

now she knew her prognosis was good, she wanted to share her news, whereas before she felt she wanted to keep it more to herself.

I was so very relieved that I'd not initiated a conversation about her "withdrawal" and of left her to open up when the time felt right for her.