To think if you want a well presented man in his late 40s/50s....

[Lightslit]

You probably need to find a way to accomodate the running/cycling/gym/team sport habit in his 30s and early 40s?

It seems to me that in their 30s and early 40s most men can more or less get away with being a bit active, but by their late 40s, there's an enormous gulf between fit and active men and those who haven't done much exercise or been a part of something active. Both in terms of how they look and the way they live, their general outlook and attitude towards life.

The same probably applies to women, but MN doesn't take issue with our attempts to stay fit (and social) in the same way.

Women have accommodated for men at our own expense for the last 100,000 years. We don't do that anymore.

Does "well-presented" refer to clothes, physique, or both? I wasn't clear about this from your post.
Is it "women should be prepared for him to have sporty hobbies if you want him to look half-decent"?
Or perhaps it's an anti-lycra thread? 😀

Well presented generally refers to clothes and hair more than fitness, I would say.

no one has a problem with their partner having sporty hobbies. The problem comes when the hobby takes over and the man uses it as an excuse to neglect his family.

So you want women to be more accommodating of men cycling and going to the gym to their and probably children detriment ?

The thing women on here suffer from is selfish fuckers who go out all day every weekend on their bike or golf. It does not have to be like that, you can stay fit with a lot less than that. It’s also I’d say usually part of a bigger picture, these men are usually selfish sorts who just don’t want to be at home, if it wasn’t sport it would be something else. So no I don’t agree with your premise.

Since you're linking 'well presented' to sport I assume you really mean 'physically trim'.

In which case 90% of the effort is about eating habits not being sporty.

Why is it ‘accommodating’ for someone to do activities they enjoy and are good for them? I’ve always thought it is (not just physically) healthy to have interests outside the relationship and running/ cycling/ team sports is part of that.

TBH, I couldn’t bear to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t keep busy, physically active and engaged with the world and would expect them support me to do the same. It’s a good example to set for DC too, especially teens.

This is absolutely true. Is op a man or has she been fed this line by her husband! I’ll get fat if I don’t play golf for eight hours this weekend darling.

Hold on.
Women dont have issues with men having a hobby, or keeping fit, or socialising.
They have a problem when that activity takes up hours and hours and hours every week, leaving the childcare and housework to the woman, and this is not reciprocated.
They have a problem when there is limited time during the week to spend time as a family and then the man takes up hours at the weekend on his hobby only for himself.
They have a problem when these hobbies are seemingly immovable, causing issues when making family plans, when this was forseeable before having children and the man seemingly just decided that his wife would be locked into the childcare for this time without actually discussing it with her.
They have a problem when men are then tired after the activity and so even when they are home they arent pulling their weight.
A lot of the time, they arent pulling their weight in general at home, so for them to also be absent from parenting and housework and family life for hours at a time is another kick in the teeth.
They have a problem with men just assuming women will pick up the slack without discussing it with them and working as a team.

I think what you might be saying OP is that if you want a slim/fit husband you have to put uo with him doing exercise at the expense of him taking equal load of the housework/childcare.

If that is indeed what you are saying then, no I don’t agree.

My DH is fairly serious about cycling. When our DC were little he had to fit his training time around what worked for the family, just as I fit my own training around what worked for the family.

It was hisjob to manage his time, not mine to be a put upon martyred cycling wife

I thought you were going to say if you want a well-presented man in his late 40s/50s you need to marry one when you are both in your 20s or 30s!

The issue is more the other way round, I see so many couples where the man seems to keep his life and hobbies the same after kids and the female half doesn't get a look in.

I did the opposite and married DH who is active, but pleasantly plump and likes his food and doesn't have a huge sports commitment so that I could carry on doing my running etc and know he was supportive of it as he's not that fussed himself. I couldn't be doing with someone superfit and obsessive and competing with me for the mirror or being a golf or cycling widow.

I don't think it is. Being thin isn't the same as being fit, they look and behave differently.

This. It's not about resenting a hobby; it's about how women are expected to carry the physical and emotional load to facilitate that hobby at any and all costs. If society doesn't take issue with women 'staying fit', it's because we generally don't/can't leave someone else to carry an entire family whilst we enjoy a hobby

(And my DH isn't one of those 'hobby above everything' men, so I'm not bitter or otherwise invested. I just have eyes and see how this repeatedly unfolds)

Also being sporty isn't the be all and end all or mean that you will live healthy longer. My dad was a very good footballer and cricketer in his youth, and was always into bodybuilding as it was called then, then switched over to running in his 40s which he was also good at and always did weights. He also did manual work and cycled to work for much of his life. He never smoked or drank much alcohol.

He started having arthritis in his 50s and needed both hips replacing at 60, and his 70s were plagued with poor mobility and heart failure.

My mum lived longer, healthier and with no mobility issues, never did much sport after her 20s, smoked 20 a day for many years, always loved her food and was a bit overweight and was healthy until about the last few months of her life in her mid 80s.

I am sporty but not relentless with it like my dad who never listened to his body and carried on regardless and spent years avoiding the doctor.

This sounds like a man trying to manipulate women into being ok with their husbands opting out of family responsibilities to accommodate their fitness / cycling / sport “habit”.

I know plenty a man in their late 40s who are well presented and do so with a moderate amount of exercise.

I know plenty a man in their late 40s who are well presented and do so with a moderate amount of exercise.

Exactly, DH is a bit tubby in the middle but fit and never looks a scruff, and he's 54.

If that was true, we wouldn’t see half the threads we do about over accommodated men.

That’s interesting, you also mentioned “outlook and attitude” in your OP.

Do you think men who participate in sport are “better” or “special”? That’s a bit odd.

I wouldn’t want a partner who doesn’t keep themselves physically fit. Being active and exercising is a big part of my life so I need that in my partner too. I find men who eat rubbish and don’t exercise very unattractive. By 50, they’re going to look terrible and I find not looking after your health quite immature.

The voting is odd on this one, considering all the posts are saying YABU.

Here's my case study of one, for what it's worth. DH and I married in our 20s. He was very sporty - rugby and golf to begin with, but then he got into marathon running, so very fit and active. TBH I could have done with him being around more when the DC were young, rather than him being out marathon training evenings and weekends. Role on 35 years and he's in his 60s, does no sport or exercise, is overweight and antisocial. I wouldn't mind him being out now, but he's stuck to me like a limpet. The rot set in many years ago too, when his knees gave up, so not sure any assumptions can be made about "once fit and sporty, always fit and sporty.

I would rather a man who was less well presented but also less of a gym and/or lycra bore.

You know that’s not true, right?

My DH spends a lot of time cycling but he has plenty of friends who don’t do any exercise - they mostly look absolutely fine.

Or - maybe men need to figure out how to fit their “hobbies” around their responsibilities, rather than assuming a woman will pick up the slack?

I think you could reverse that, and it might be closer to the truth.

If men don't want their partner's body to significantly change when they hit menopause, they need to carving out significant time/family money for their partner to focus on gym and strength training in their 30s and 40s.

That is basically true, except that women, usually, don't want to sacrifice family time, to spend hours per weekend on sporty hobbies. And even if they did, it always seems to come last in the list of priorities, after kids activities and their husbands hobbies.

The other way round isn't really true, as I think most women don't really care if their husband has a gym bod at 50. They care more if they have been a good father, and had focussed family time while their kids are young.

But there is truth, that both men and women should find a way to prioritise a basic level of fitness, throughout their lives.