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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to go on holiday with someone i've never met.

39 replies

Heathcliffscathy · 22/06/2008 20:31

dh has booked a big house for a weeks holiday. originally when we discussed it we talked about how great it would be to get several other families with children along. the house is in a very remote part of the british isles, although we are paying for it it is difficult to get to. due to these and other timing factors only one family with a child are coming for half the week. the rest of the guests are dh's friends and their partners. one of his best friends has had a girlfriend for over a year but we have never met her. i object to her coming as we just don't know her, dh says it isn't a problem.

i say that it will be me that ends up hanging out with her and the other partners more than dh and he disputes this saying everyone is going to do their own thing.

we are going in less than a month's time.

next weekend we are away , dh wants us to travel to said friends house, doesn't know if girlfriend is there or not, but ostensibly to meet her. I don't really want to and consider the fact that we are going out of our way to arrange a meeting crap when in fact the onus should be on the friend to make sure we get to know his partner before she comes on holiday with us.

ive jsut had a row with him about the whole thing

AIBU

OP posts:
Twelvelegs · 22/06/2008 20:34

Do you usually go on holiday and spend time apart?
Onus wise, I can't really see where you are coming from? Is your dh paying for the house?

maidamess · 22/06/2008 20:35

Well, yes I think you might be. Have you never spent time with someone you didn't know before? or do you only socialise with people you know, and have vetted?

She might be the most wonderful caring, hilarious amazing girl ever.
She might be as dull as a house brick. But I don't think you are entering into the holiday spirit!
Perhaps you could insist you will only go if she doesn't?

emkana · 22/06/2008 20:35

What would you like to happen? for your dh's friend not to come? Or for his girlfriend to stay away?

If he's one of your dh's best friends I think yab a bit u.

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 22/06/2008 20:36

yes

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/06/2008 20:36

as long as I wasn't sharing a bathroom with her, i wouldn't be that bothered.

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 22/06/2008 20:37

we have already had a disaster on this front when we spent a week with a friend of his and his partner and the partner was an absolute nightmare to the point where it drove dh (and I) to distraction.

so i'm being unreasonable

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/06/2008 20:38

eek . yanbu it's your holiday too !!!

emkana · 22/06/2008 20:38

the problem lies a bit in booking this house without making sure the people you really want there can actually make it.

maidamess · 22/06/2008 20:38

Go with an open mind. if she's really that terrible, I'm sure you can find ways to have 'family days out' without them.

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 22/06/2008 20:39

err, yes emkana, but we've been over that about a squillion times already. so in a way this is a re-run of that fight but with a new twist!

OP posts:
LucyJones · 22/06/2008 20:41

I can see where you are coming from
I would suck it up this time (sorry hateful phrase!) but next year learn from it by putting your foot down right from the start about knowing who is going.... and possibly make this the last 'with friends' holiday

francagoestohollywood · 22/06/2008 20:41

I wouldn't be that bothered as well soph. Yes I think it'd be nice to meet her once before you go. Can you ask them to dinner?

emkana · 22/06/2008 20:41

apologies for stating the obvious there

am in arsey mood

Twelvelegs · 22/06/2008 20:41

Do a deal with your dh that you two spend time together and have things planned alone just in case she's a naightmare. If she's great then you can ditch the plans!!

squeaver · 22/06/2008 20:42

Looks like you've had a one bad experience and are assuming this is going to be the same.

I went on holiday with my dh's friends very soon after we started going out and I hadn't met all of them.

Let me tell you, I was as nervous as hell but - because they were all so welcoming and friendly - the holiday was great fun. And of course some of those people are now some of my best friends.

I think you're making too big a deal out of something that's only going to be a problem if you make it one.

Hope you enjoy your holiday.

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 22/06/2008 20:42

no, emkana my err, was one of exasperation with the whole f*cking thing not with you at all.

OP posts:
unknownrebelbang · 22/06/2008 20:46

YANBU.

emkana · 22/06/2008 20:47
Smile
Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 22/06/2008 20:48

i think i probably am unknowrebel...dh agrees with the posters on here that think i'm being uptight and unreasonable to even want to meet her.

i think this is all tangled up with a whole loads of issues around dh's background and mine tbh.

OP posts:
Twelvelegs · 22/06/2008 20:55

Why bother going on holiday with people you don't know? I think of holidays spending time with the family, our family..... dh, Me and our children and it's bliss.

AngelDoll · 22/06/2008 20:59

YANBU. I wouldn't like it either.

Is it possible that your DH has issues over how often you and he see his friends? It looks like a passive-agressive way of making that point. Perhaps he feels you call the shots on your joint social life too often, and has got ribbed about it by his mates? (just guessing here, I have known of something like this myself).

He seems to be falling over himself to please his BF here and is rather blase about your feelings. It is your holiday too!

To make it worse, now he expects you to go and "present" yourself to this GF, which I think subconsciously you are not happy with because she is the new kid on the block, not you, and meeting her on her territory lessens your authority.

Agree that if you can have them round for dinner, that's better than you going there, but TBH if you don't like her at that meeting you'll be dreading the hol even more!!

Rowlers · 22/06/2008 21:05

I think blokes find it easier than women to rub along with people they don't know that well.

AngelDoll · 22/06/2008 21:07

Oh and I reckon you are also right in that you WILL end up being lumped with the other WAGS it just suits your DH to pooh-pooh that notion. He knows the truth. Go on Mr Sophable, as if you and your boy chums won't be guffawing over a pint in the nearest pub 10 miles away whilst Mrs Sophable makes yawnsome small talk with their largely yawnsome partners (ok in small doses but nothing more than that).

*OMG just worked it out: Your DH has organised a LAD'S holiday under the guise of a FAMILY holiday!! Didja really think someone wouldn't spot that, Mr S???

Original poster
Heathcliffscathy · 22/06/2008 21:09

to be fair on dh i don't think he will be in the pub with them and leave me with the wimmin. however, by virtue of our gender I do think that there will be more hanging out with partners for me than for dh. especially as she will know NO ONE other than her boyfriend.

and angel, we've had that row about this too many times to number. he totally denies it.

OP posts:
controlfreakyagain · 22/06/2008 21:13

think you're onto something there ad..... soph?

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