not to want to go on holiday with someone i've never met.

[Heathcliffscathy]

dh has booked a big house for a weeks holiday. originally when we discussed it we talked about how great it would be to get several other families with children along. the house is in a very remote part of the british isles, although we are paying for it it is difficult to get to. due to these and other timing factors only one family with a child are coming for half the week. the rest of the guests are dh's friends and their partners. one of his best friends has had a girlfriend for over a year but we have never met her. i object to her coming as we just don't know her, dh says it isn't a problem.

i say that it will be me that ends up hanging out with her and the other partners more than dh and he disputes this saying everyone is going to do their own thing.

we are going in less than a month's time.

next weekend we are away , dh wants us to travel to said friends house, doesn't know if girlfriend is there or not, but ostensibly to meet her. I don't really want to and consider the fact that we are going out of our way to arrange a meeting crap when in fact the onus should be on the friend to make sure we get to know his partner before she comes on holiday with us.

ive jsut had a row with him about the whole thing

AIBU

No, I still think you're not BU, sophable.

Obviously don't know the dynamics, but for me a holiday is about spending precious time together as a family. Having someone there who I don't know would change the whole holiday for me.

I do realise she may turn out to be lovely.

No need to be fair on your DH this side of the holiday!

It's not whether the GF turns out to be nice or not (she probably will be very nice), it's the fait accompli element, the taking of control without asking.

S is a passenger in her own holiday plane and DH is the self-appointed pilot!

Well, the decision is made now, so you're gonna have to get on with it. I don't think YBU though.

Think happy thoughts and you never know, it might be the begining of a lovely friendship.

I went on holiday with someone I didn't know in 1986. She was a friend of the friend we went with. Neither of us were happy about it and 22 years later, me & her (Kbear!) are best of friends!

now, whether the truth is that or not, AD you have it spot on, part of the problem I have in not feeling i have any control. which makes me feel vulnerable i think. which in turn makes me quite attacking.

there is a background thing too going on....it's all very posh this whole taking big houses etc. i know that i married it. but doesn't mean i feel comfortable in that world in the slightest bit.

YABU I think. I've been on holiday before I married with mates who brought other mates along; I've been on holiday with dh and mates who've brought other mates along. Not a problem unless you make it so.

i hear you maureen, i hear you.

I'm not at all posh, and I'm not even terribly sociable or socially confident, but I really like the idea of sharing a holiday with other people, even people I don't really know. It makes it more interesting and spontaneous, I think.
I am not as keen on 'my precious family time', as I get enough of that at home
Once a great friend of dh's dropped in on us in France with a male friend as they were biking through France. They just phoned, arrived 30minutes later, we lit a barbecue, drank wine and played card games. He wasn't ever going to be my bosom buddy (actually we haven't seen him since) but it was a really memorable bit of the holiday.
She's only one person, she's probably not got 666 tattooed on her scalp, and maybe for the sake of your relationship it might help you to be determined to keep an open mind, look forward to the novelty etc. And in my experience, single women who want to impress their boyfriends as to their marriageable qualities, often show a staggering amount of interest in and patience for small children, allowing their mummies to sit about drinking wine and making rude jokes.

now that sounds fabulous msdemeanor. you're right.

you're also made me feel ashamed and churlish. i'm the first person to accuse dh of lacking spontaneity and being unsociable!

I can totally see where you are coming from Sophable, as my DH would act similarly given half a chance.

You mentioned some background issues. Do your DH's friends also come across as posh as it were?
How well do you know the others who are going on the holiday, and do you like them?

the posh thing is all my problem/issue. you'll have to trust me on that. they are lovely people. and there are people coming that definitely do not fall into the gross class generalisation.

my stuff. need to work on it.

If you are having a 'family reunion' type holiday, it is inevitable that girlfriends (or boyfriends) show up from time to time.

When I first visited DH's family, his grandmother died, and I was immediately launched into a whole family thing. Fortunately, I was accepted and 23 years later, they still accept me. One of my SILs also met the family for the first time at a funeral, and we all love her.

Sure you aren't at all churlish, just a bit freaked out and anxious. It doesn't sound worth falling out with a nice man about though! And I bet it will be a gorgeous holiday.