I just pushed Dd and feel horrendous

[Cantsleepinthisheat]

Dd is 7 and wouldn’t go to bed, kept coming downstairs, annoying the dog, running around, getting things out when i’d said to go back to bed numerous times. She went to go to get something else and I grabbed her hand, bringing her to the stairs and she started pushing me away, I ended up pushing her away to go up the stairs

I feel horrendous, long, difficult day and so tired

Forgive yourself! You've not hurt her, she's being naughty and you've guided her to where she needs to go. Honestly, boundaries are needed even when they feel difficult to put in place.

You sound like a good mum, you've done absolutely nothing wrong. If she's in bed now try to relax with a cuppa.

Tomorrow is another day.

Have you done anything like that before? Just feel I should have kept my calm and dealt with it differently

It’s not right to say you’ve done nothing wrong and your gut is telling you that. Apologise to her tomorrow and make a conscious decision never to parent like that again. You clearly feel bad and uneasy about it.

I think most people have done something they're not proud of even if the won't admit it . She was being a little horror and it's been a long hot day.

Your AIBU is ambiguous, by the way.

Are you being unreasonable to gently guide your daughter physically to the stairs? No.

Are you being unreasonable to stress about it? Yes.

NONE of us are the parent we want to be 100% of the time. It’s been a long day, everyone is too hot and too tired.

Chalk it up and move on! It’s not how you want to parent but falling into a guilt spiral won’t make you a better parent.

Yes, I've lost my temper and shouted, I've moved my kids to where I wanted them, I've given punishments occasionally which may have been too harsh... and guess what?
My kids are adults now (well, one is not quite there!) They are at uni/college and are thriving. Our relationship is amazing (with all 3 of them) and they are very happy, confident, optimistic human beings. They've always had love and they've always had boundaries.

The fact that you gave your child a boundary shows you're a good mum. The fact that you're worried about whether it was the right thing shows you're a caring mum. The fact that you were a little harsher than you intended to be shows you're human! And kids need to see that too, it will help them develop empathy.

Tomorrow talk to your daughter about why she must go to bed and stay there... sleep is vital for her mental and physical health. You're being a good parent by enforcing this! Do you have a paddling pool? Or a local lido? Water always exhausted mine and made sleep easier!

Don’t worry at all. If she behaved, she wouldn’t have got this treatment. Maybe she’ll do as she’s told next time.

She was being really naughty and you were losing patience 🤷‍♀️

It’s normal and I’ve definitely done similiar.

You need to read the post. She admitted to shoving her child. If you'd read that, you would not say she sounds like a good mum.

No, she didn’t say that.

I think two things can be true at once.

I think she was wrong and ought to apologise, and I think she’s human. Not mutually exclusive. Fine to take a harder line, but don’t overinterpret the OP’s post. She didn’t say she shoved her at all

I read it perfectly thanks, she pushed her towards the stairs, where the child needed to be. Shove is the word you have decided to use.

She's definitely a good mum. You, on the other hand, are kicking a person while they're down. Who is the better person here I wonder?

I would have smartly marched mine up the stairs, carrying them if necessary. No negotiating involved.

A seven year old should not be getting out of bed and messing about. Time for a firm talking to tomorrow.

Tomorrow is another day for you both to say sorry, she was being naughty and you lost your cool a bit. It happens. Dont beat yourself up.

A push or a shove of a 7 year old is the same thing. It's abuse, and I believe in calling it out when I see it, not encouraging it by telling an upset mother how great she is for pushing a child. I'm sorry that you don't agree that physical assault of a child isn't okay.

The OP knows she's wrong, she hasn't come here to brag about what she's done, but to confess her transgression. We don't need to pile on her for it, but equally we don't need people like you pretending it's fine and encouraging and legitimising abuse. This is the very worst of Mumsnet.

My DD isn't that age yet so just going off what I've read, but apparently the "repair" is really important. Ie tomorrow consider bringing it up to DD, explain that you lost your temper and you were overwhelmed and you shouldn't have pushed her and that you are really sorry. Remind her that that we should never push people when we are upset and that mummy made a mistake. Then ask how she's feeling and if she's ok?

I don't think it's something you should beat yourself up about, these things happen, but do think it's something that you should bring up to her and apologise about, so she knows you think it was wrong too and won't be doing it again

Remember that your DD will also internalise your own "self talk" herself. Ie if, when you apologise, you talk about yourself in a really unkind way "I'm so awful, I was so so mean", she might also internalise that self-blaming way of thinking as her own way of talking to herself when she makes a mistake too. So maybe work on forgiving yourself this evening before talking with her tomorrow about it?

What were you supposed to do? Negotiate with her?

Her behaviour was shocking and I am amazed you didn’t snap earlier.
I bet she wouldn’t try on that level of defiance with her teachers.

We have all done similar things, at the end of the day we are learning as we go.
It doesn't help that it's hot which causes children to act up as they don't know how to deal with it and adults to have shorter fuses.
How about you both sit down in the morning and discuss how you could both handle it better.
Years ago when someone asked my son how old I was he said 7, as I have only been a mum since I gave birth.
So really we grow with our children. Don't worry too much. Try to keep cool and start a fresh tomorrow. X

You need to look up what abuse is before you start throwing the word around. Why are you being so horrible?

She pushed you and you pushed her back which is a very instinctual reaction to being pushed! I've done the same and then apologised but we are people not robots. It doesn't hurt for children to know their parents also have emotions and get hot and tired as well. You can explain this to her tomorrow but I wouldn't make a huge thing of it.

And I’d expect her(child) to apologise as well!
it definitely needs to be a 2 way process!

Apologise to a kid who was being naughty? 🤯

Dds the one who should apologise! No wonder there’s so many kids who just do whatever they want to.