I just pushed Dd and feel horrendous

[Cantsleepinthisheat]

Dd is 7 and wouldn’t go to bed, kept coming downstairs, annoying the dog, running around, getting things out when i’d said to go back to bed numerous times. She went to go to get something else and I grabbed her hand, bringing her to the stairs and she started pushing me away, I ended up pushing her away to go up the stairs

I feel horrendous, long, difficult day and so tired

This

Yep this.

Agree

No of course you shouldn't push a 7 year old.

It's hot and half-term, and life isn't easy fro many at the moment.

But you do not push a small child ever.

I tell them off and even shout at them if things escalate but of course you must't be physical. If she pushes you have to come down hard on her. Say in your most menacing way we do not ever pus in the family, ever, straight to be I am very angry with you. And make sure you have a chat and calm her and yourself down before she actually goes to sleep. You are her mum and at 7 her whole world.

You messed up don't let it happen again.

Are you alone without support? Address your situation if you are struggling because what you did is a slippery slope.

Today you speak to he and say we must not push and make a plan together how bed time will be better today. DOn't expect a very early bed time it is hot.

This was a non event op.

@Cantsleepinthisheat its super warm and she was being a pain in the bum.

What are the consequences for her poor behaviour at bed time?

Just feel I should have kept my calm and dealt with it differently

Yes, of course you should have. But it’s too late now. You need to apologise to her (she needs to do the same) and not do it again. We all make mistakes.

Aw OP it's one of those days, a one off doesn't make you a terrible person! Bedtimes can be fraught especially when they are behaving badly.

I personally wouldn't apologise or mention it to her again. Just give her a big cuddle this morning and get on with having a good day together.

When my two were really small, I snapped and shouted really loudly in their faces once. I was at the end of my tether with the teething. They are both in their twenties now, have no recollection of the one occasion of my screaming at them, but it still haunts me. I never smacked them, or physically disciplined them in any way, but I will always regret it.

It depends what the op mean by push. Holding their shoulders, turningbthem round and smoothly and gently redirecting them to the stairs is totally fine. But i think your wordy post implies you lost your temper and retaliated to your kid's shove. That is violence op, and not at all good. It's done now, so all you can do is reflect and tbink how you can avoid rthis happening again.

It was hot and she was probably struggling to settle to sleep. You were hot and tired. Neither of you were at your best, and we are all human.

Don't give yourself a hard time. Reflect on it tomorrow with her 'mummy was wrong to push you yesterday and I'm sorry. However when I ask you to do something you need to listen. If there is a reason you cannot do what I am asking you to do, you need to calmly tell me'. It's important to feedback to children when they have done wrong but also to recognise

It wasn't abuse as one poster suggested, you were guiding her in the direction she needed to go, but maybe just a little nore forcefully than intended

I would apologise for pushing her. It's never appropriate to push someone, and the difference in strength between an adult and a child is obviously significant. It's completely human and understandable to lose your temper sometimes, but unlike some PPs I don't think that justifying your actions by saying that she was behaving badly would be the right thing to do. Yes, she was naughty. No, that doesn't mean it's O.K. to push her. How can you possibly tell her not to push you if your reaction is to do the same thing?

Guilt can be an unproductive emotion, but it can also be helpful to us. Feeling guilty when you've done something wrong is a good thing. So I'd apologise to your child, a genuine apology, not the "I'm sorry but" variety. Not a long drawn out mea culpa, just a simple explanation that you did something you shouldn't have and you're sorry about it. Then hopefully she will also say sorry. And move on.

You know you shouldn’t have done it and she is absolutely fine. Stop stressing yourself.

You also need to ask yourself how did it escalate to her pushing you? Unless SEN dc normally are not physical with the parents. It sounds to me like you had no control from the beginning and it led to you arguing with her, a 7 year old.

A parent arguing with a child that age is obviously not a parent with authority.
You never argue with a young child as what is there to argue, you're not siblings? You are in charge not the little on, so you must be very firm but also understand that a young child may need help to settle on the hottest day of the year.

Is it possible she was bored all day yesterday as stuck at home in the heat? Does she meet with friends during half-term?

For tonight, come up together with a lovely and fun heat wave bed time routine. She can rinse her hands, face and wrist with ice cold water, or have a small bowl with ice cubes she can dip her hands in before going to sleep, have a lovely book to ready together, make ice lollies or iced lemonade during the day have a splash pool in the garden / balcony / communal garden if this is possible, little thing where she feels part of something.

No judgement from me OP.
The fact you are so upset says everything about what a good mum you are.
You are human, you snapped. Its not the end of the world.

Agreed. These things happen when everything feels too much and usually only ever remembered by the guilt-ridden mother who takes the burden to her grave.

We want to be kind to our children, but we also need them to understand we are also only human and make mistakes. They learn just as do we. Life just isn’t perfect unfortunately and we’ve all not behaved always as we wished we had - other than that other poster of course, who casts judgement from afar under the mistaken belief they’re a decent human being.

Agree.

I think a shove in the right direction is pretty harmless to be honest, I don't see what all the fuss is about.