AIBU to refuse contact after he ignored our agreement today?

[Singlefor2025]

My ex assaulted my daughter in November, and recently pled guilty in court to this charge. He now wants contact with her, and after an initial short meeting last week with me present, I agreed he and his mum could take her to the park today for a couple of hours with a set time to return. Whilst out, he messaged me to say they were going to eat somewhere and she'd be back later. I said no, but he did it anyway as "they were already there". She came home 2 hours later than agreed.

He now wants to take her to the beach with a friend tomorrow, and she would like to go. I want to say no, and he didn't stick to the agreement today. Is this the right thing to do?

I could, but she particularly wants to go with her friend and I can't tomorrow.

No way, your daughter does not go anywhere with her abusive father unless he is supervised and even then on a strict timetable with you knowing exactly where she is at all times. One slip up and he will have to go to court to see her again.

Not only did he assault your DD he stood in court and admitted it, for which he was found guilty and given, IMO, a paltry fine.
You're now letting this very same man spend time with her without being there?

Is there a valid reason why you're letting the very person that assaulted your DD spend time with her without you being there?

Yes, your DD's father should have stuck to the agreement but felt so cock sure of himself he over ruled you, any chance that's because he sees someone that would allow him to take the very child he assaulted out for the day as being weak.

He now wants to take her to the beach with a friend tomorrow, and she would like to go. I want to say no, and he didn't stick to the agreement today. Is this the right thing to do?

You're not wrong to stop him seeing her, but it should be because he's abused her and not because he broke the agreement.

I could, but she particularly wants to go with her friend and I can't tomorrow.

I'm assuming there wasn't any restrictions on him seeing his DD given while in court.

Are you the resident parent? If so you need to start being the resident parent where her and her father arranging outings are concerned, you either stop him taking her out, anywhere, or you don't, you can't stop him inorder to punish him as that will punish your DD too.

In this case maybe a court order for acsess would be better, then if he breaks it its not you he's going against.

Your DD will have to wait for another day to see her friend.

He'd never see her again if she was my DD.

Is the friend a friend of your daughter's? If yes, and I was the friend's parent and I discovered (later) that she'd been out with someone with a history of abuse and you hadn't alerted me to this, then I would raise hell upon you for knowingly letting my child be placed in such a bad situation.

That wont stop abuse of her.
Unless superbised by third party
Not his family

Quite.

Definitely no for the beach with her friend. If I were the friend's parent I would be furious I hadn't been informed.
For the future he needs supervised contact at a contact centre to see how he is with her. At a push maybe with his mother if you trust her to have her grandchild's best interests at heart and you have a good relationship with her. You need to trust she will watch all interactions, never leave them alone and intervene if necessary. That's a big ask. Discuss the future and get advice from your solicitor to keep her safe

so he said
'hey DD guess what, wouldn't you like me to take you and your friend to the beach tomorrow? oh, I suppose I'd better ask mummy eh?'

'oh no, DD horrible mummy says you can't go to the beach after all. we will have to tell your friend she can't go either. what a shame. Horrible mummy'

he was very lucky you let him have contact ONCE. Then he proved he wasn't to be trusted. Don't trust him again, he's proved he doesn't deserve it. If your DD is disappointed, plan a different treat for her and the friend.