AIBU to refuse contact after he ignored our agreement today?

[Singlefor2025]

My ex assaulted my daughter in November, and recently pled guilty in court to this charge. He now wants contact with her, and after an initial short meeting last week with me present, I agreed he and his mum could take her to the park today for a couple of hours with a set time to return. Whilst out, he messaged me to say they were going to eat somewhere and she'd be back later. I said no, but he did it anyway as "they were already there". She came home 2 hours later than agreed.

He now wants to take her to the beach with a friend tomorrow, and she would like to go. I want to say no, and he didn't stick to the agreement today. Is this the right thing to do?

I wouldn’t let him see her at all if assaulted her and can’t be trusted to stick to the correct timings

I think it's probably quite important that you say no. Social services will want to see that you can protect her from him.

What did the court say punishment wise?

No just no. He’s taking the piss. It sounds like he gets given an inch and takes a mile. Plus may make things difficult for you with social services

He would never see her again if she were mine.

Is this contact court directed?

No. He can take you to court for supervised access.

He is either still a danger, or not. You've decided that he isn't. So don't start playing games at the expense of your DD's emotional wellbeing. How old is your DD and what will you be doing with her, if she doesn't go to the beach? Two days on the run was too much, why did you agree to it?

You’re allowing your dd to have contact with a man who assaulted her?

What does she want?

and apart from that, frankly, No!

Nope. Does your DDs friend's parents know he's got an assault charge hanging over him? No way I'd let my child go with him. Also, if you're in the South it's going to be even hotter tomorrow, the beaches will be packed, and he sounds untrustworthy to keep your DD (and a potential friend) safe.

He assaulted her?
Was she not scared to go with him?

Why on earth are you allowing someone who assaulted your daughter time with him and on his own!

you go to court if you think he deserves to see her(which would but be happening in my watch) and get court ordered agreement at a centre where they are watched

now he just going to say that he may have assaulted her but you support that as you are happy he see her on his own

i I can’t believe you have let him see her

No way, I would stop contact until the court decides otherwise and then push for supervised visit.

he’s abused your trust, he could take her to the beach and stop in a hotel, what if he hurts again, god no no way

When you say assaulted, what do you mean?

Huh, why is he getting contact after assaulting her?!

Yabu, ban all contact and simply never speak to this man again.

She's likely terrorised and fawning as a trauma response.

Did the court allow the violent child abuser to access his victim?

I assumed this was rage bait but given your posting history appears to be genuine... I can't understand any possible reason you'd be seriously asking this question on Mumsnet.

Surely there's a significant amount of context as to why he's seeing her at all, plus the legal scaffolding and social care involvement, which means you shouldn't need/want to canvas opinion on the matter here. Or at least I hope so.

Sorry...
He assulted her and you are allowing contact? Why?

Why on earth have you let him see her?

Edited

What did social worker advise about contact?
If you believe is ok in park then you believe is ok
For other trips.

What the actual fuck…

How old is she
What kind of assault
what was the outcome of the court case

so many questions….. what a mess

Thanks for the replies. He dragged her out of a room and caused her to fall, at which point I called the police. He denied everything, and dragged it to court to change his plea to guilty on the day. He was fined, nothing more.

I have taken advice from my solicitor about contact, and the initial meeting was with me and his mum present. Today his mum was present too, so he wasn't unsupervised. Plus DD wants to see him, albeit slowly.

If she didn't, there would be no way he'd be seeing her. I will again speak with my solicitor tomorrow about the next steps, I was asking here as I feel bad about stopping her doing something she wants to do. Although it is more the beach she wants than him!

You can take her to the beach I assume