WIBU for leaving my drunk partner asleep and returning downstairs?

[SeeFourSwans]

This happened a while ago so not really an AIBU but a WIBU.

I took my partner away for a long weekend for his birthday. Planned, booked, and paid for by me.

I drove us there (4 hours), sussed out the parking situation and booked the restaurants/made evening plans.

From the moment he woke up that day (day before his birthday), he was in a foul mood. Complained about having to pack (had left it last minute), complained about how long the drive was (I was driving), spent AGES complaining about the parking situation (secure underground garage which he deemed wasn't safe enough/cars were parked too close to each other. my car though so why was it his problem?), complained about the AirBnB, complained that the restaurant I had planned for lunch was shut and we had to go elsewhere. You get the idea.

Anyway, we went out that evening for drinks at a live music venue. The band were fantastic and we (I) was having a lot of fun drinking, dancing, chatting to another group of guys and girls. It was a brilliant evening. My DP obviously didn't agree and he got spectacular drunk. He wasn't throwing up or unwell but he was falling about, making an arse of himself and just needed to call it a night.

I took him back to the AirBnB which was actually just upstairs from the live music venue, made sure he was alright and in bed, made sure he had water and his phone if he needed me, then went back downstairs again for a couple of hours (I had just ordered myself another glass of wine before DP started acting silly and the barman said he'd keep it for me coming back).

This was around 8pm so I wasn't ready for bed and didn't want to sit around the flat on my own (and quite frankly I was sick fed up of him by this point), so I don't think I did anything wrong by going back out again.

DP obviously disagreed and I got the silent treatment the rest of the weekend and accusations for months after of "abandoning him" and cheating on him and he told his parents it was his worst birthday ever.

All irrelevant now, really, but WIBU for not standing vigil by his bedside all night?

Of course not.

Was it a one off thing? Or does he have form for this kind of behaviour?

You’re not still with him are you?

He's your ex boyfriend now, yes? Ungrateful twat

He had (because we're no longer together as PPs rightfully surmised) tendencies of spoiling nights out because I was having fun, yes.

Bullet dodged then!

Hopefully he’s your ex now? He’d be my ex if he treated me like that!

Glad you've broken up since. He sounds horrible. Hope you can move on from ruminating on this, not worth your head space.

Don't know about that! I stupidly stuck around for another 3 years!

He's done a massive job on your head here hasn't he! You have broken up - that's good - but you have come here looking for some validation that you aren't the bad person. Trust us you are not. Forget about everything this miserable,ungrateful, broken man ever said to you and enjoy your life without him - doing what you please!

It's completely irrelevant now and if he's told everyone that what you did was wrong there's nothing you can do about it. But ywnbu

I’m glad he’s your ex. What a monumental dick splat.

I don't know why but out of all the dickish things he did to me over the years, the accusations of me being a horrible person for abandoning him that night has never really left me. His parents also agreed with him that I shouldn't have done that.

In fact, for his next birthday, I went all out again and booked a stunning lodge overlooking beautiful countryside with a hot tub, the lot.

Took a day off work especially to drive up there the day before and decorate it with banners and balloons to surprise him.

I told his mum about my plans and she insisted, quite strongly, on accompanying me all the way up there to "help".

I later found out that he had been filling her head for the past year that I was cheating on him, ever since that weekend away, and she felt obliged to come with me to make sure I wasn't lying about where I was going and cheating on her son!

I don’t think after three years that I would care or think about this anymore. It’s a bit worrying that you are.

You should break up with him he sounds like a huge dickhead

Oh you have. Good. Stop thinking about him

They're dickheads too OP

He’s a prick. You’re well shot of him.
Incidentally, my ex treated me like absolute shit on a holiday I took him on and paid for for his birthday. I still occasionally ruminate on it, not because I think I was in the wrong but because I wish I could punch him in his stupid twat face.

No you were absolutely not being unreasonable. Glad you’ve dumped him.

Imagine the other way round. Someone you cared about and who had done lovely things for you was having a fantastic night. You over do it and need your bed. They break off their night, take you upstairs, get you safe and settled. You know they're 2 minutes away, should you need them. What would you want them to do next? Enjoy the rest of their night, or sit in, watching you sleep?
And who would you think had spoiled your night? You or them?
That's your answer.

Better late than never then!

I almost hate myself for asking….what did he do for your birthdays?

I stupidly stuck around for another 3 years!

Well you can't say you didn't give a good try 😂

Why are you questioning this now? He’s an ass. Good riddance.

Please tell me he's now ex DP. He behaved appallingly. Does he do variations of this often? As it sounds abusive.

You have ghat prick over 3 years of your life he didn’t deserve.

Now stop thinking you did something wrong. You sound great and are entitled to enjoy your life.

So go and enjoy it without him - it’s the least you deserve.

and of course YWNBU!