Contraception long term relationship

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A contraception one for those in your mid40s. Before having kids, I used to take care of contraception- hormonal but had to stop as have very high blood pressure and a coil but that made me anemic. After we had kids, I asked Dh if he could have the snip as we were done and I didn't want to have to be the only one managing contraception. Dh refused and floated idea of just using condoms. In practice, he never thinks of it and we did have an accidentally pregnancy that I miscarried. Since then we essentially don't have sex. This has obviously created resentment, especially from his side. I have tried to discuss it with him that it's not just a me issue but he thinks am just being difficult. I guess from my side, I resent that he didn't have the snip nor does he seem to think it's really his problem.

If he wants to have sex he can wear condoms or have the snip. Simples.

I was told I'd never get pregnant again after infertility and several miscarriages, we decided together that DH would have the snip and hormonal contraception makes me suicidal. The very small chance of becoming pregnant really had an impact when it came to sex.

I fell pregnant the week he was going to make the appointment, we've decided that once baby is here he'll get it done.

When it comes to the snip, his body his choice, but he doesn’t get to choose not to have it and still have sex with you.

Contraceptive implant?

This seems like a him problem.

Says in the OP that she can’t use hormonal contraception because she has very high blood pressure.

Implants are hormonal contraception - given OP has said had issues with hormonal contraception before I assume won’t be suitable. Aside from that, he is just as responsible for preventing pregnancy.
OP - either no sex or he gets the snip. Simple. I could not be with someone that didn’t view it equally as their responsibility.

Definitely a him problem and shows you exactly how selfish he is.

Do not risk another pregnancy with him.

Why should op have to take responsibility? She’s already said she has had issues

i really don’t get why me think it’s a women’s responsibility

Op he has a choice

snip, ok his body his choice
condoms
abstention

i would explain again the impact on your body including pregnancy and miscarriage and it’s his turn to take responsibility now which option does he want

Guess am pissed off because I essentially took care of contraception for ten years despite it having detrimental effects on me. He didn't care that I was anemic, nor that am on blood pressure meds now. He just doesn't think of it. But I don't want another miscarriage, am mid40s so definitely don't want more kids. He thinks am just being annoying.

I had my tubes tied and it was the most liberating thing I've done. Literally half an hour under GA and two weeks off work to recover(physical job) Best thing I've ever done for myself.

You’ve not really made it clear why you don’t just use condoms? If he doesn’t want the snip then that’s up to him but what exactly is the problem with condoms?

Contraception is recommended up to age 50 to 55 mimimum to avoid pregnancy

Suggest speak to him again about options

He bought some condoms years ago. Not sure whether I feel secure only using condoms. We used them when we first got together but that was over twenty years ago. I also don't think he quite realizes that this is what it means. He never suggests contraception on the few occasions we have sex. Guess I also don't feel supported when I miscarried. It wasn't planned but it not like he remembers it really or thinks we should use something so we don't go through that again. He seems to have blanked over that.

Do you not suggest using the condoms? You make it sound like he doesn’t suggest them so you just have unprotected sex.

We don't currently have any condoms. Whenever we have sex which isn't often, we don't use any contraception.

Pill then the snip after we were done with babies

What do others use as their main form of contraception once done with having babies and how did you negotiate it?

Buy some condoms? Then use them even if you don’t have sex often. It’s pointless resenting each other for lack of sex life when you don’t even have condoms. Sounds like there are far bigger issues in this relationship though. Guessing things aren’t good day to day?

I used the pill until we had DS , DH offered to have the snip, I wasn't 100% about not having another and he was happy either way so we waited a bit, I then had a false positive test at the hospital when I was there for something else (I have hormone issues so they did say it might not be accurate) I then had to test over the next few weeks, I wasn't pregnant and my feelings at that time told me I definitely didn't want another, so DH had a vasectomy. It's a day procedure and he recovered in a few days. It's a lot less intrusive than birthing a child. He either needs to have one or use condoms religiously. I don't think I could be with a man so selfish to be honest.

Condoms and non penetrative sex for us before and after children. Hormonal contraceptives didn’t work for me. DH intended to get the snip but had to delay due to another health issue then it never felt worth it given our ages.

Having to negotiate contraception doesn't sound like a relationship I would want to be in

Totally this - repeat over and over

Condoms. I also have a Mirena coil but we use condoms too mainly because I don't like the cleanup 😂 I also cannot take the pill and wouldn't have an implant or injection.

My husband knows it's non-negotiable and if he wants sex then that's how it is.

If you don't want to/can't have certain types of contraception in your body that's completely fine just as he is entitled to refuse a vasectomy. But if he wants sex, and if you do too of course, then condoms have to be purchased and used every time.

Things aren't great day to day but from Dh's side that's probably his biggest resentment. The other is that he snores really badly, partly due to sleeping pills and partly due to biology. We didn't used to share a room, he moved back into main bedroom but I can't sleep. Again, he seems to think it's a me problem.