I'm so huge and fat, I'll be dead in five years

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In my early 30s, 5ft4 and last time I got on the scales, I weighed 26 and a half stone. Currently on the antipsychotic Aripiprazole (15mg daily) and Fluoxetine (20mg daily). Before that, I was on Olanzapine and Paroxetine. Before that I was on Sertraline. Before that I was on Mirtazapine. Before that I was on Citalopram. Got a parent who has hypothyroidism. At the beginning of the year, I had blood tests after a stomach bug and got told I am deficient in Vitamin D and B12. I was prescribed some Vitamin D to take twice a week, but I have not been taking it consistently. My face is puffy and I get hairs on my chin and a few on my chest. Periods are irregular and when I do get them, they get quite heavy. I'm tired all the time and the house is a mess, but I just have no energy to do anything. I barely manage to get up for work. Got left pelvic pain and left hip hurts when walking. Ankles seem swollen and feel sore when I lie down in bed at night. Get out of breath going up the stairs and too fat to reach my toenails to cut them. I want to lose weight, but just feel hopeless.

I’m so sorry as a Sertraline taker myself as I’m making myself ill.
keep seeing about the heat whilst on anti depressants but probably not good to abandon what you are doing.

under active thyroid since 10 in a smelly old children’s ward (freedom fields not deriford onlij the 90’)

Mounjaro and it likes is very short term fix for people who feel dreadful for their weight.

This post is the start of your new life! I would focus on firstly having regular therapy if you don't already, this can really help implement a life change. Often (not saying definitely the case with you), but obesity or over-eating is a way of dealing with emotions. So, sometimes, when a big life change happens like no longer using that coping mechanism, all sorts can come up that you didn't know were subconsciously there!

So I think, first, therapy/ counselling (BABCP accredited). Then it's small changes, they add up. I would seek GP advice regarding your medications, the possibility of weight loss aids, PCOS etc. And then managing your existing physical pain with some kind of movement and potentially physio. It might sound overwhelming right now but don't think of it all at once.

The hardest thing is it might be in baby steps, but this time next year there will be some improvements and you just have to keep going.

But, right now, give yourself some grace & kindness. Food may have been your survival and it did the job, you have survived! And now you're recognising that coping mechanism has run itself into more harm than good. It can change if you want it to, which I think you do by posting this.

It’s absolutely crazy that the NHS will offer weightloss surgery to certain patients but not WLI. The whole thing needs looking at and guidelines redrawn immediately.

It does not. I checked. Sorry

Weight loss injections. Without a doubt. They will change your life.

What a lovely supportive thread. Come back OP. You could update this thread and be a source of support for other people in the same position reading. 🌷

Its a disgrace isnt it.

Yes she was, she was eventually offered bariatric surgery. But she was never offered the jabs on prescription. She lost 10stone on the jabs before she had the call to say they could offer her the surgery. No she doesn’t have any co morbidities

@Beekman and that 10stone weight loss has been over 3 years. So that’s how long it took for them to offer any support

I would bestraight on the weight loss injections in your shoes even if I needed a loan to do so

I read your opening post with some concern. It sounds as if you are truly at rock bottom but the thing about being at rock bottom is that you can only go in one direction - upwards. I agree that weight loss injections are a very good idea but I think that a visit to your gp should be your first port of call. Explain your problems exactly as you have explained them here. If you feel it would help, you could take along this thread. It may be that you will have the injections prescribed for you on the NHS. You obviously have at least two comorbidities and could well have more. If you are not prescribed them by your doctor, then l would definitely buy them privately. It sounds as if you would be a good candidate for bariatric surgery, too. Do you have psychological support or counselling? If not, it sounds as if both would help you. In the meantime, there are other ways of feeling a little better. You could treat yourself to a good hairstyle and some clothes that fit you well and suit your shape and colouring. No black tents. Vinted has a good selection of plus size clothing. There are plus size ladies on YouTube who demonstrate how to make the most of yourself. Good luck.

There are solutions just got to find what works for you.

At my heaviest I was about 22stone, also on antidepressants. Struggled doing housework as was so unfit, walking made my back really hurt and I felt absolutely dreadful. I was always low on b12 and vitamin d and felt so lethargic all the time, I then would think sugar would perk me up and so the vicious circle continued.

i did two things, signed up to Munro method, Jason is a fantastic nutritionist and I learnt a lot! I lost a few stone by myself, I was then buying a house solo, needed life insurance and couldn’t get any!! I then went onto mounjaro for about 9-12 months and overall lost 6 stone. I now take a low dose and still work with a nutritionist so when I eventually stop I can keep the weight off.

It’s honestly the best money I’ve ever spent on myself. Yes it’s expensive but the money you save in not buying junk food and takeaway basically pays for it, not to mention the impact on your health. If you find say 5mg works order 10mg ones and micro dose as it drastically reduces the cost! Losing the initial first stone or two makes exercising easier, less back pain etc. the only exercise I’ve really been doing is walking, started small and built it up.

2 years later I’ve left my toxic boyfriend, got two promotions and bought a house on my own. Please please trust me there is always a way, once you find what works well for YOU. You will never regret investing in yourself. The time will pass by anyway so might as well spend it doing something your future self will thank you for.

I am so sorry to hear this
would you ever consider counselling ? Have you had a life crises ? Don’t answer that here if you don’t want to .. sometimes consideration of emotional state because of life’s pressures can cause comfort eating because I do that myself ..
you could be eligible for the jab .. my friend in America has lost loads and she feels the best she’s felt in 10 years …
i can’t guarantee this I’m not a doc of course .. but she has a family of many with obesity … don’t look into the future lovely .. live in the moment and get yourself some professional help where you can … … good luck to you and sending you a hug 🤗( my friend was 300+ 1bs … given her a lot of confidence

My neighbour was referred to the hospital bariatric clinic and they offered her gastric sleeve surgery on the NHS, within two weeks. She was in a similar position to you, and it has changed her life.

Can you go private to see an endocrinologist? I did some years back. Never would have reached the NHS's incredibly high threshold for hypothyroidism otherwise. Life changing. I also have PCOS, which often occurs with hypothyroidism, an endocrinologist could check that too. You'd still need to lose the weight but it becomes more possible I think. Hypothyroidism also causes low mood, although I'd never taken antidepressants I felt a huge shift once on thyroid replacement.

I initially used the Cambridge one to one to lose weight quickly which really worked for me. In hindsight I think because it's keto and that really works with insulin resistance which is part of PCOS. It made me feel so much more energetic and mentally alert too. This was before I got the hypothyroidism diagnosis. After I had the diagnosis I had a baby then baby weight to lose, used it again...in conjunction with mounjaro to get me started and that got it off. Has stayed off since I've sorted my thyroid without too much work. I love to exercise now, exercise resistance is part of hypothyroidism so it was hell back then!

Something being out of whack puts so many other things out. Finding that one thing can put you on the right track. You need to pursue it for yourself, you only have one life. You're already on your way by asking on here. Keep going, you will find the answer. You're in your early 30s, there's so much more to come. Wishing you well, I really hope you find what works for you.

There are long handled toe nails scissors that may help you reach.

A heavy duty walking stick is worth trying to see if it helps your pain when walking. If it doesn't help you'll stop using it because it'll be an annoying thing to have in your hand.

You won't be dead in five years. That's not how our bodies work, regardless of the fatphobic medical profession.

There are alternative vitamin d preparations you can take daily if that's easier to remember than twice weekly. And 'tricks' to remember if you want to stick with the twice weekly stuff - adding it to an existing twice weekly activity (might be bathing) or a phone alarm etc.

Other people are right re PCOS/now being renamed as PMOS being something it's worth looking at. Also worth being tested for thyroid stuff if you haven't been so far. If you have PCOS/PMOS metformin may help reduce your insulin resistance.

There's a reason you've been prescribed an antipsychotic and an antidepressant - are you being cared for by a CMHT? Can you be referred or are you 'simple' enough for the low level NHS Talking Therapies? Do you have difficulties of the sort a therapist might help with? Looking into the voluntary and independent sector for therapy isn't a bad idea if the NHS's offering doesn't work for you.

I come at this from a fat liberation perspective so recognise it's your body and your choice to attempt intentional weight loss if you want (can give better access to health care, can make public spaces easier to navigate around chair widths etc).

Intentional weight loss is unlikely to improve your health and it very often leads to people regaining weight they've lost and possibly more. Yo-yo-ing around weights is really bad for your health.

You may be able to improve your health (if you want - you don't owe anybody health) by increasing exercise / eating differently without focusing on weight changes. You can consider discussing the psychiatric drugs with whoever prescribed them to see if there are others that might work better / ask for a referral to a dietician for help planning meals whilst you continue on these medications.

I think you need to treat the issue that links the self esteem with your other issues
if you felt better about yourself would everything else fall into place- untreated addiction can lead to depression also binge foods set up a compulsion for more and it can be difficult to get off the treadmill
why Don’t you try Over eaters Anonymous
you will find that there are no strangers-only friends who you haven’t already met
you can get off the bus at any stop no need to go to the terminus you can heal your life but you have to reach out for help to the right people !

I had to look it up since I'm not in the US nor the UK so not used to your weight measurements. 26.5 stone is equal to 168.28 kg. Girl, you need some help. And I don't mean more pills but real-life counseling. I think you should be admitted for overall checks and observations. Then after that, when back home under strict supervision and monitoring. Are you living with somebody you can count on?

Well vitamin B12 and D deficiency will make you feel like shit. Getting those levels up will help.

I want to know how you moved from Paroxetine to Fluoxetine because I tried and it was impossible for me. Get to your GP and sort this weight out, then you might not need any SSRI and I will envy you even more! Good luck x

This sounds like PCOS (PMOS), it can sometimes progress to lipodema in some women. Thyroid and mental health can also be a comorbidity.

Get the GP on the case, best wishes 💐

I'm sorry 😞. I was close to being in your position not that long ago. I'm currently 37, I've been on and off anti depressants since I was 12, and take levothyroxine for underactive thyroid. In 2024 sleep apnea symptoms were ruining my life. At my biggest I was 24st 12lbs, and I'm only 5'3", it was a huge strain.

I would get out of breath from tying my hair up, as reaching up and back squashed the fat on my neck. I couldn't get nice shoes to fit, had to buy granny/diabetic ones. Walking was a struggle. I woke up around 10 times a night, as I'd continually stop breathing, so I was exhausted during the day. The brain fog. Reaching for sugary snacks and energy drinks at 3pm just to keep me awake at work. Falling asleep everywhere. In the middle of conversations. So I started to feel isolated. The wait list to see respiratory for a sleep apnea diagnoses was 5 years, and my GP was useless. The breaking point was me ringing my GP, sobbing for help, and his reply being "everyone else on the wait list has the same symptoms as you". No empathy. No offer of mental health support. I knew if I waited the 5 years, I would be dead either from sleep apnea or by my own hand.

So Feb 2025 I started mounjaro. And it has saved my life. I don't care if people think its cheating. I don't care about anyones opinion. Because it was either this or die. I work overtime to afford it. Thankfully I've been able to stay on a low dose, I'm still only using a 7.5mg pen to inject 5 or 6mg at a time. Within a month of starting my sleep apnea was gone. I finally felt rested. I was able to get in more physical activity and cut the junk food. It's helped me overhaul my life. I'm currently 15st 4lbs, with a goal of 12st. I joined a gym, go for 10k step walks. Me!! I don't recognise myself from 15 months ago.

I don't know if you have tried GLP1s before. But definitely discuss with your GP. There is hope out there. I know it's hard when you're in the depth of depression, and hope feels like a distant dream ❤️. Privately it is expensive, but there are ways to help with cost. Shopping around to make use of new customer discounts etc. Do not go via black market!

If you've made it to end of my essay, I hope you find something that works for you. Obesity is an illness, often routed in trauma or mental health. You are not lazy. You are worth fighting for ❤️❤️

do the anti psychotics stop you from feeling full? My sibling had weight gain on olanzapene and tackled it by having one substantial meal a day recognising no amount of food would ever make them feel full. This has really helped.

There was about a couple of years between the Paroxetine and Fluoxetine prescriptions.

I live alone and don't have any friends or family nearby that can help day to day.