Posted about this a while back, and am ashamed to say I haven't resolved anything with DH. DH's dad hits his grandkids (my nieces). Their mum (the grandfather's DIL) didn't like it and told the grandfather so - he gave her the silent treatment for year, she caved, now they are talking again and she is turning a blind eye to the abuse.
That side of the family live in a different country. We are about to go stay in that country for a month. Grandparents wanted to babysit our DC (nearly 1 year old, I can see the start of minitantrums coming already), I said no so we have organised daycare. I work full time, my DH does not. DH and I have had so many arguments - he refuses to tell his DF that we don't want him hitting our DC. DH has never hit our DC, but he seems afraid of his own DF (though would never admit it). Now DH says his parents will collect DC from daycare (usually that's my DH's job while I work).
I don't know what to do. Hate my DH right now. Do I tell the grandfather he can never hit our DC, before allowing him to collect DC from daycare (maybe he wouldn't listen anyway?) Do I switch my work hours to pick up DC from daycare and continue working in the evenings after she's in bed (sounds like a miserable month for me).
AIBU in thinking there isn't even any point in trying to talk to grandfather about it anyway, as it will never be safe to leave DC with him, no matter how the conversation went (remembering what happened with my SIL)? Has anyone had an experience where they managed to "convince" grandparent to not be physically violent? Seems unlikely!