AIBU to worry about leaving my breastfed toddler overnight?

[SillyPiccalilli]

A friend's wedding is fast approaching - the venue is a few hours drive away, and the ceremony is early, meaning we will need to stay overnight the night before and the night of the wedding, so two nights total.

I've been excited about it up until now. Suddenly the thought of leaving my baby (14m) with grandparents for two nights is worrying me. She has a great relationship with them, and spends a full day each with with them while I'm at work, but I've never been away from her overnight so I'm not sure how well she'll cope.

Although she's obviously been eating solids for a long time now, we're still breastfeeding a few times a day and overnight. She will not take a bottle or milk from a cup, so I'm worried she won't settle without the breast if she wakes in the night, and me and her dad aren't there to comfort her.

What age did you first leave your little one overnight (especially if breastfed)? Was everything OK? Please tell me I'm being unreasonable to worry, and all will be fine 😅

Is she used to being left with them all day> Why not have a trail overnight sometime this week and see how it goes? She'll probably surprise you! Most little ones are very accepting of other people/places having different approaches.

I was thinking of asking them to do bedtime one night this week, and maybe watch her while my husband and I go out for dinner or something one evening next week, to build up to an overnight.

They'll be staying at our house, so it'll be familiar surroundings for her - but I'm not sure if that will help or hinder!

15 months, breastfed baby, was the first time I left. I went for a 5 night hen do abroad. However, I had night weaned him and he was with someone who did bedtime often enough (his dad).

I'd be more worried about your parents than your toddler. If he is used to a boob in the night, he will scream his head off for an hour when grandma goes in at 3am.

You need to night wean. If you don't, you are basically leaving your parents to do it which won't be fun for anyone

What is the worst that can happen?
She takes a while to settle?
She will sleep eventually!
If you trust the caregivers then dont worry
She is over one year old

I think it's a bit soon to night wean, but I would try again with a few different bottles! Mine were all breastfed, coslept with me, and all were older when I first left them BUT someone (dad or gran) had done bedtime before with a bottle of cows milk.
I feel like being in your own house might make it worse but maybe not - and I will say, even if they do scream, everyone will get through it. I hated the thought of my little ones being devastated at me not being there in the night when I always had been but realistically, it's not going to cause lasting trauma.

I do think two nights isn't ideal for first go though so would definitely do a trial run if your parents are willing.

Also wanted to add that his dad and the nanny had started doing bedtime here and there from 9 months if I had an event or had to work late. He actually woke MORE often on those nights, presumably because he missed me...it's why I actually had very rare nights out until I night weaned as it wasn't worth the lack of sleep afterwards.

I don't think 14 months is too early to night wean. Guidance says 12 months is ok for breastfed babies.

Just do this, i probably would offer a drink during the day and say no to boob or maybe let her see you express if you can. But she needs to be more alone with her grandparents for you to be comfortable leaving her, do the grandparents have a plan if she doesn't settle.

My mum wants to stay here as my dad will be working early in the mornings, so presumably doesn't want to be woken up by the little one crying.

As far as I can tell, her plan is just to go in and rock/pat her back to sleep if she cries. This does work for us often, but occasionally when she really wants milk she will squirm a bit and scream until I give in. My mum is still young (early 60s) and retired, so she has said if she doesn't get much sleep that's OK with her, as she has nowhere she needs to be.

I'm not sure I'm 100% comfortable night weaning as others have suggested, so I don't think I'll be doing that. I don't see how upsetting her for two weeks before we go will help anyone. I know I'll just feel worse.

Can you do a practice locally and see how she gets on? And then if needs be you could get a hotel room for grandparents and they come too?

Take a breast pump with you

She won’t squirm and scream with your Mum because she won’t smell any milk

Agree trial is a good idea but it should be fine

I I breast fed both until over 2 and worked away for a few days quite often; just carried on when I got back

My breastfed babes stayed overnight with GPs from 6 weeks old and were both fine with bottles of ebm.

why don’t you try one night soon and get you both used to it as a practice run

A friend of mine recently left a similarly aged breastfed toddler for a couple of nights. Normally he will not settle at all without her breastfeeding, but he was totally fine. He was with her husband, so a bit different to grandparents maybe, but still, he settled fine without milk.
She had hoped it might break the cycle a bit, but as soon as she was back it was straight back to normal.

A 14 month old won't take a bottle now if she hasn't before....and it's against guidelines anyway, we're supposed to ditch all bottles at 12 months as it's bad for teeth, so not a habit you would want to start now anyway

You need to get this sorted before the wedding, when is it? Let her stay at your dms a night a week so she's used to a different routine.

Don't introduce a bottle now, but keep trying with various cups or straw bottle.
You don't need to night wean beforehand, toddlers are very adaptable and with no BF available, they will settle in another way. I would do some practice runs with them doing bedtime and an overnight, for both toddler and GP benefit, but also so you can be reassured. I am still BF at bedtime (19 month) but she settles fine with my husband if I'm away. Haven't done an overnight with GP yet but planning to soon, more as mine has only just slept through so didn't want to subject GP to multiple night wakes!

Where did I suggest a 14m old should take a bottle?

Can you introduce a bottle at nighttime as an alternative to breast as you’ll probably be doing it way less soon anyway? Just try and introduce it from now on, if she doesn’t take it just put it down and no big deal. However at least it won’t be the first time she is seeing it is granny offers her a bottle?

I wouldn’t bother doing a trial run. Will just confuse her.

It will honestly be fine. You’ll be way more anxious than your little one.

If they are prepared to comfort her in the night all will be fine. She's already used to getting comfort from them in the day. She doesn't need to breastfeed with them they'll find their own way. Wish I'd had your set up. Have an amazing time (breastfed two toddlers here)

I left my breastfed son overnight for a first time at a similar age, he also wouldn't take a cup/bottle, although it was only one night. He was okay and actually slept through for the first time. I think he made the connection that i wasn't there so there would be no milk even if he cried at grandparents.

All I would say is be prepared for when you return as he was a velcro toddler for a day or two after and decided he wanted to make up for all the missed feeds 😅 (he was always a bit of a velcro baby/toddler though!) You don't mention but in case your worrying (as I was) it doesn't have to mean the end of breastfeeding either if you don't want it to be, me and DS picked up same of before.

Defo better if they are staying at your house, my mum had to bring my daughter home once when she tried to sleep over at theirs, but was fine the couple of times they stayed at ours. Would defo do a trial run beforehand, even if it’s just them doing bedtime etc whilst your out of the house to see how it goes

I couldn’t have done this. TBH, I’m likely not going to be able to go on a trip away when little one is 23 months, because night weaning seems impossible.

Ignore any suggestion regarding bottles. Over 1s shouldn’t have them and they’re ruinous for teeth if given overnight in a way breastfeeding just isn’t. Your best bet is to do a dry run this week- get Grandma to do an overnight or if that’s not feasible do bedtime whilst you go out for dinner and then once you’re back DH does any night wakes (so no boob). And then based on that make an assessment of how feasible 2 nights away for the wedding is.

I looked after my friend's toddler for a weekend recently. Still BF at night.

He woke up once, on the first night - patted him a bit and he went back to sleep. Clearly I didn't smell milky enough!

At 23 months, night weaning is absolutely possible! Vast majority of toddlers are not getting a boob or a bottle overnight at age 2!