AIBU to struggle finding suitable places to take my autistic son?

[dietcokeandcake2026]

I've changed some minor details as this is personal but they don't change the situation.

My 11yr old son is severely autistic and the size of a 18 yr old. I can no longer stop him when he does things that he shouldn't. As he's too strong and doesn't understand verbal language very well.
He at times can be violent but its mainly by accident, so for example he will quite literally walk into people or when he is waving his arms about he might hit someone etc. At times when he is frustrated he can become violent to the point he has made me bleed etc. He is also very loud with his sounds or banging around.

We currently stay in a 2nd floor flat without a shared garden and as you can imagine the neighbour's hate us so I like to take him out as much as possible to try and give them a break.

In the winter thats a lot easier as for example we have a lovely playpark close by with lots of green space and swings and he genuinely looks at peace with himself when there. It's literally dead in the winter but now the weather is becoming nice again. It's no longer suitable as he can't be around kids especially little kids.

I dont know where to go with him.
All the following isn't suitable ( experience)

Zoo
soft play
museum
feeding ducks
trip to any shops
cinema
play parks
Any indoor play centre
deep sea world
tour bus
train ride
beach

The most obvious thing would be to move but we genuinely can't. We are currently in a housing association flat and I can't afford private rent as I can only work term time in a min wage job due to the fact I can't get him in wrap around care. Saying that I have put the flat on a housing swap website as its in a very desirable area with good schools. So hopefully someone might be willing to give up there garden for a better location. As having his own outdoor space would be wonderful for him.

We are in Edinburgh if anyone has any suggestions on outdoor activities or.places to go.

Just want to wish you and ds well, op. Its not easy but I am sure he knows he is loved by you.

I hope you get some respite and support but know this isn't always easy to get.

❤️💐

Are there any charities locally that support people with disabilities like your son?

I don't live anywhere near you but there's one near me that has a centre which has playground equipment and opens only to disabled children & their families. They also organise to visit attractions etc on special sessions not open to wider public.

Yes there is but unfortunately he can't be around any kids due to his violent behaviour. It doesn't happen often but when it does its pretty bad

Could he do something like pitch and putt as he'd only be with you on a hole?

What about services and facilities specifically for children with disabilities and learning difficulties, near me we have an outdoor pursuits centre and a children’s hospice that offer outdoor play sessions and spaces.

Looking at Edinburgh (not an area I’m familiar with) I can find the following:

• https://theyardscotland.org.uk/get-support/our-centres/edinburgh/
• https://www.foundationscotland.org.uk/our-impact/case-studies/providing-safe-space-for-children-and-their-families
• https://www.edinburgh.gov.uk/additional-support-needs/activities-parents-children-can-together
• https://www.barnardos.org.uk/get-support/services/caern-short-breaks-service

That's a good idea or a golfing driving range
Bowling alley? If you get a VIP lane (round here think it's £3 more per player) it's just you two.

could you look into equine therapy?

Walks in thr woods? Nature reserve? Really hard op and sympathies.

This is really hard & I feel for you OP. We also have a son with autism & LD, he's an adult now and in supported living, he really needs 2 to 1 support when out and about. I always tried to avoid busy crowded places but it does limit you considerably. Are there any large parks/woodlands where you could go, maybe earlyish morning or a bit later in the day when everyone's at home having tea? We always used to walk to our local shop, they got to know us and were really supportive, especially during lockdown when mask-wearing and social distancing made taking him anywhere really tricky. I would investigate local groups that provide activities for disabled children and adults - we've done pedal power and trampolining in the past. The staff will work with you to find the best way to support your son in the activities. Social services should be able to signpost you to the right places. I would also look for support groups for carers - you can find out a lot from them and also get some support for yourself.

I do get overnight respite 3 nights a month which I'm incredibly lucky to get. He does have a social worker but due to funding etc there isn't much they can do. I wonder if I could hire a field somewhere? I could bring some outdoor toys and just let him run wild for a few hrs.

What does he like?
What sort of environment is needed to keep him safe?
Does the beach not work because of sensory stuff, or safety or something else?

Since you mention fields, a friend of mine hires a dog field (the sort where people take dogs that are reactive or have no recall).Her son loves to run and has no sense of danger, so it's the only way he can safely be free outside. Farmers fields/pony paddocks were no good as the fences weren't high enough (he climbs really well too).

He likes building things. He needs somewhere where no one will go near him tbh. The beach wasn't ok due to his lack of safety ( he also loves water ) and other people/dogs being close to him.
He actually hit a dog when we went as a dog came next to him.
The owner said that I was lucky she didn't punch me across the facd 😞

I’m sorry op that sounds really tough. If you can afford it could you hire out a local church hall/ community centre room for an hour? Sometimes they have large garden type toys available (connect 4 etc) that you could possible set up.

@dietcokeandcake2026 this sounds really difficult

I think I’d be on the phone to the social worker saying that you NEED some more support as you are at breaking point and be really honest with them about the situation. 3 nights over 30 days isn’t a lot at all in this situation.

Is he in mainstream school? You say he’s 11 so is this last year primary or first year secondary? And if he’s primary, what’s the plan of action for secondary provision?

I know it’s not what everyone chooses to do but would it be worth considering a Monday to Friday boarding specialist provision so he comes home on a weekend to be with you and then this gives you both some respite and he would have trained staff 24/7 to support? If he’s 11 and the size of an adult you need to be thinking long term of a plan of action.

You must be absolutely exhausted and even working part time in school hours you still have to get up every day and deal with this.

Hopefully someone will want to do a housing swop with you as it sounds like a garden would be great for you aswell as your son. Outdoor space is nice to have.

You don’t mention a partner here so are you a single parent too???
If you are then you also need to think of a worst case scenario situation eg - what if you had an accident or became unwell and were unable to care for him? What support have you got in this scenario? If you got admitted to hospital - what would happen.

Round here (I’m in the UK not in Scotland and so I’m guessing it’s maybe slightly different) but in situations like this, they draw up a safety plan and cover things for “in the event of” and maybe it would be good to have something like this in place too?

Can you go to the parks in the evening? It stays light so late now and little kids have often left by 6.

The Yard? Gravity has ASN sessions, I don't know if it's more smaller kids but you could ask. Redhall walled garden?

Do you drive OP? There are lots of lovely walks in Midlothian. One that springs to mind is Flotterstone - sometimes there are dog walkers but it's big enough you could be on your own with your son. You could take a picnic or grab something from the cafe for after? There's a nice quiet spot by the river for paddling and throwing stones.

Would Jupiter Artland or the Botanic Gardens be any good? Just thinking lots of space for him to run around.

You sound like a great mum, and the dog owner you mentioned is a dick.

Where I am (sorry, miles from you) the trampoline park has sen adult only sessions. Could you ask if they'd consider something similar?
The local 'play' farm has adult only sessions, too.
I know it's not easy x

Very early or very late for the kids play parks.

as you are in a city it’ll be hard to find spaces without people.

do you have a car? I’m presuming he finds public transport difficult,

the ideal would be somewhere out in the countryside where no people.

play park early morning is something I already do especially in the summer hoildays with him. He wakes up at 4am anyway so gets a couple of hrs at the park. He is in a special school.
He has a mobility car so I drive that but saying that he is actually ok on the a bus which is strange actually. I try not to think of his future as it scares me to death. I can only cope with trying to get though the summer atm.

Following. I’m in a similar position, my son is 9 and the size of a 13 year old and he’s getting bigger! I’m a single parent too so I’m aware that it might get to the stage where I’d struggle to take him to places alone. Things he enjoys (he’s non verbal, profoundly autistic)

Going for walks in the woods
Going to the park
looking at rivers
Walking to the shop for ice cream 🍦
Riding on the bus
Walking on the beach
farms etc

My son also likes going for ice cream. Has it ever been mentioned to you to put your son in a wheelchair by ot? This has been suggested to me recently due to safety etc It would make going outside easier and safer but also kinda feels wrong as he can walk fine.

He Doesn’t see OT and we are not quite at that stage yet but I am concerned about how I’ll manage him in a few years, he’s a big lad and will probably end up at least 6 foot! I say you could try a wheelchair and see how you both get on? He was in a disability buggy up until a few years ago and it’s a relief not to have to push him around plus he would run off and I would be stuck having to leave the buggy behind!

Are you a single parent or do you have a partner? Can his Dad help out or siblings? Mine also has 2 nights a fortnight respite and goes out with his PA twice a week which he enjoys.