AIBU to struggle finding suitable places to take my autistic son?

[dietcokeandcake2026]

I've changed some minor details as this is personal but they don't change the situation.

My 11yr old son is severely autistic and the size of a 18 yr old. I can no longer stop him when he does things that he shouldn't. As he's too strong and doesn't understand verbal language very well.
He at times can be violent but its mainly by accident, so for example he will quite literally walk into people or when he is waving his arms about he might hit someone etc. At times when he is frustrated he can become violent to the point he has made me bleed etc. He is also very loud with his sounds or banging around.

We currently stay in a 2nd floor flat without a shared garden and as you can imagine the neighbour's hate us so I like to take him out as much as possible to try and give them a break.

In the winter thats a lot easier as for example we have a lovely playpark close by with lots of green space and swings and he genuinely looks at peace with himself when there. It's literally dead in the winter but now the weather is becoming nice again. It's no longer suitable as he can't be around kids especially little kids.

I dont know where to go with him.
All the following isn't suitable ( experience)

Zoo
soft play
museum
feeding ducks
trip to any shops
cinema
play parks
Any indoor play centre
deep sea world
tour bus
train ride
beach

The most obvious thing would be to move but we genuinely can't. We are currently in a housing association flat and I can't afford private rent as I can only work term time in a min wage job due to the fact I can't get him in wrap around care. Saying that I have put the flat on a housing swap website as its in a very desirable area with good schools. So hopefully someone might be willing to give up there garden for a better location. As having his own outdoor space would be wonderful for him.

We are in Edinburgh if anyone has any suggestions on outdoor activities or.places to go.

Hi my son is 13 and also has severe autism and LD, he walks fine but I use a wheelchair for him due to his lack of danger awareness, it’s so much easier.

That's totally understandable but the sooner you think about the longer term the better. You aren't immortal and you don't have unlimited reserves of energy. A boarding special school would actually make a huge difference as you would then have abou 16 nights of respite a month rather than 3, and it will help him to be in a suitable environment with enough staff around. Obviously you love him without limits but that doesn't mean you can do everything he practically needs without limits, and I'm not sure it's going to be safe for you to be in sole charge of him for much longer if things are already getting difficult when he's 11 you will both be in serious danger by the time he is 15. Getting used to a residential care setting gradually now will be much less traumatic than having to do it suddenly once there is an irrecoverable crisis.

A trampoline session marketed at adults?

Sounds a little bonkers but a graveyard? Usually quiet (won’t make any jokes!) and big open spaces. I’m no expert on Edinburgh (one of my favourite uk cities tho!) but I’m sure there’s a couple of Victorian graveyards/sections so you don’t need to worry about bumping into grieving relatives.

Actually on a similar wave length our local church is open during the day. Always empty. I know the vicar would be 100% accepting for you to use it as space for your son to run around in. During heatwaves they’ve advertised it as a space to work from home in as it’s generally quite cool.

Is there any businesses/shops near you that have gone bump? I rollerblade to clear my head. On a Sunday afternoon I’ve used car parks to supermarkets. Holidays I’ve used the carpark to a local school. Could you contact say your local rugby/football club as during the week the training pitches may be free?

You know what, ask on your local Facebook page if somebody would mind your son using the playset/you erecting a swing in their garden. I find humanity is greater than we give them credit for. To somebody with a big garden they never use it’s probably no skin off their nose.