AIBU to not visit my mum in rehab for alcohol addiction?

[pontipinemum]

My mum went into rehab for alcohol abuse last week. She was in rehab at the start of the year but never did any of the work she needed to do once she came out.

I have told her this time I am not going to visit her in the rehab. And that I am not going to participate in the family counselling days. I found it really difficult the last time. This one want me to go every week for a full day!

You go in, they pull up the huge whammy of trauma from childhood (that I had largely dealt with). Mum sort of denied/ minimised/ said it wasn't her fault. Then you get sent home with your big bag of fresh, raw emotions. I have linked the previous post I did, there was a lot of trauma - abandonment, neglect, abuse.

I really struggled for weeks after. I had just finished breastfeeding my 2nd DS and had monthly cycles returning. I have since discovered I have PMDD and it slams me, but hopefully my new pills will help.

I live approx 2.5hrs from her. I had invited her to stay with me for a night once she was feeling up to it. She is constantly saying she loves DSs and that she misses them. She did not visit, she could have drove herself for the night or her sister offered to drive her up for the day. But I got lots of messages along the lines of 'I hope I am allowed to see the DC soon'

Before she went in I text her this - I had tried to phone but she was ''too tired''

I really hope everything goes well for you tomorrow and over the next few weeks.

You need to dig deep into yourself. It won't be easy but it is the only way to start healing. You need to be truthful to yourself. Lies and minimising things are what addiction breeds on.

You deserve a sober life. A happy life and a healthy life. But only you can do the work and it takes work.

For my own health I am not in a place to visit you in rehab. I am not the right person to help you in your recovery.

That doesn't mean I don't love you. I want with all my heart for you to find the recovery you deserve. Love Ponti

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5504286-aibu-to-step-back-from-my-mum-after-rehab-relapse

YABU - Go do the family days at her rehab

YANBU - Stick to stepping back

You sound like a lovely and caring daughter and mother. I do not think you’re unreasonable to not participate in those family days / sessions.

Your right to psychological integrity is absolute and you really shouldn’t feel guilty for refusing to suffer for your mother‘s sake. (Edit: easier said than done, I know…)

Dear Ponti, I haven’t read your other thread but my advice to you is - do whatever you have to do, to protect your peace.

Of course yanbu OP. Your mother is being extremely self pitying because she's an addict. It is one of the hallmarks of addiction.

Frankly I'm more than a bit horrified that the rehab place does these family "therapy" days at all!! That's another huge ask of family members who are probably right at the end of their tether.

I pressed the wrong option on the poll - you are NOT being unreasonable, this is down to her.

Frankly I'm more than a bit horrified that the rehab place does these family "therapy" days at all!! That's another huge ask of family members who are probably right at the end of their tether

This, I have no clue about rehab but this sounds a terrible burden on families/children of addicts. The op and adults in her situation have been through enough, It must take amazing bravery to say no I am not doing it.