And just like that... MAFS is over

[mumofoneAloneandwell]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp8pz1k4r2lo

It was coming. You dont get good reality TV without people suffering.

This news however is awful. Bloody awful.

I wonder whether that was Lara Eyre? She was matched with the musician who lived with his mum. She does a MAFS podcast now - Lara on Eyre.

Agree with this as someone who watched MAFS and also has a Masters in a science subject. A sweeping generalisation. The threads on MAFS on Mumsnet were interesting and recognised the issues raised re: controlling behaviour and forced ‘intimacy’. Several people complained to the production company if I remember rightly about one series.

What a disgusting, vile thing to say.

Agreeing to go on a reality TV show or share a bed with someone is not consent to sex.

What did they expect? is victim blaming, whether intentional or not.

People are allowed to make imperfect or risky choices without forfeiting their right to bodily autonomy and consent.

And asking what were these women thinking, shifts responsibility away from the alleged perpetrator and onto the women involved, which is exactly why so many victims struggle to come forward.

You can criticise the show and its safeguarding without implying that the women are to blame for what happened to them.

Check your internalised misogyny and educate yourself before posting disgusting comments.

With this - I honestly dont think it's just the women who are at risk TBH.

The last series of MAFS i watched was a few years ago - there was a couple where the women was talking about sex even before she even met the groom - it was a topic of conversation while they had their "wedding" breakfast! Few episodes in - the man was being pressured on the couch sessions to be more intimate with his "wife" he clearly didn't want to.

I've never watched Virgin Island or the Sex experiment show - but I've seen clips on Gogglebox and the behaviour of the so called experts on those two shows is horrific - active coercion being shown for the sake of light entertainment.

Unfortunately these kind of shows I guess are bound to attract more vulnerable people so it shouldn't be surprizing that none of the "contestants" spoke out at the time. The producers and channel Four I'm sure will come out and defend themselves and site so say protections they had in place - but honestly everyone involved in these shows have an element of responsibility.

I've never seen the programme but it has always sounded horrendous to me. Obviously it devalues the institution of marriage, which is sad in itself. But more importantly it quite clearly creates a risk for women because in any situation where a woman marries a stranger, whether that is in a culture that allows forced marriage, or a situation such as this, it is absolutely inevitable that some of those men will be rapists. Some are probably also domestic abusers. Of course you have two parties involved in these marriages, but one is vastly more vulnerable than the other.

• No Blindfold: Unlike many modern personifications of justice, the Lady Justice statue at the Old Bailey is not blindfolded. The courthouse tradition explains she originally had no blindfold because it represents that justice is transparent and unclouded, and her innate ability to see the truth is her primary strength.

Googled!

I think the "therapists" also have a role to play here. Some of the men were clearly very aggressive, some were outwardly abusive, yet the therapists would often side with them or try and explain it off as the woman's fault. Then they'd explain how they could pander to the guy further! It became infuriating to watch.

The women were very vulnerable on there actually as they risked being shown up on national TV. They would have put a lot on the line to go on the show, it could (and usually did) become very embarrassing. Along with the social pressure of the group - the show is basically a popularity show within that small group! I can absolutely see how this has happened.

I think it’d probably be good if reality tv died a death. It’s not for me, generally it makes for uncomfortable viewing as people are always being manipulated / exploited to make cheap tv. It’s equivalent to Jerry springer / Kyle type stuff. I do make an exception for four in a bed ( hypocritical I know) but I’d be willing to give that up if necessary.

I've never watched the programme either, but based on what I understand on the format, it seems like men might be more likely to become abusive if they're on screen, on show, everyone might judge their masculinity if their 'wife' isn't attracted to them etc. So they're under pressure to prove their masculinity, the women are under pressure to be sexy and go along with it, the whole thing sounds extremely toxic and damaging. I'm not saying that I feel sorry for the perpetrators of sexual violence, I'm saying that the risk of toxicity and violence seems like it would be amplified by the show. I am saying this without ever having watched it though.

I only watched one series of MAFS but I can't say I'm surprised at this. I think it's possible that a number of contestants - men as well as women - ended up having sex that they didn't really want because they felt coerced by the show into going along with a narrative that had been chosen for them. Rape is rape but I think it could be argued - and probably will - that this show blurred the lines of consent. I always thought it was exploitative.

Are you for real!

No means NO! regardless if they share a bed or not, regardless of what their relationship status is!

so by your reckoning, women should be expected to be raped because they share a bed with their other half 🤬

The first few seasons were entertaining for shock value. This like all shows is what it is. Garbage and will target anyone either vulnerable or foolish to go on it. The contestents were never gonna be winners in life. Only the production company. And the fact that C4 are defending rapists…. Uegh

And Polly and Adam where he was constantly pushed to have sex with her. Ros and Arthur on the series before that where she was constantly pushed. Both sexes have been coerced on this show by being in such a bubble with so called experts joining in the coercion!

I watched this series and he was a real creep and controlling etc. However, I feel this has made her look really stupid.
The pull out method is ridiculous. What about pre cum and STI’s? It’s not guaranteed she wouldn’t get pregnant. He shouldn’t have finished inside her but they’re both to blame. Going on TV and coming out with this IMO is embarrassing. Also, she can say no to sex altogether…. She isn’t saying he forced her into it.

Also younger less educated people seeing this will think the pull out method is a good idea…

Worked for me for 40 years. But then I wasn't married to a rapist. Victim blaming is never a good look.

If it kills reality television that would be no bad thing.

I really feel for the women involved. I wouldn't be surprised if there were more victims tbh. Time will tell.

What happened to the women is awful but I do hope it's the death knell for these crappy reality shows and some decent programming may happen.

What about one of the women last series who kept throwing hissy fits because her husband didn't want to sleep with her

I really like it when people exploit the horror of rape to increase the blame they place on women for it. It's so clever, the way they try to twist it so that they can't be accused of minimising rape as a crime, but they can then use that heightened horror to villainise women and victims even more for it.

Ha, I lied.I loathe it and it's not clever at all, but it's still fucking disgusting.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Whataboutism rears its head.

As it invariably does when the issue concerns violence against women.

Okay, but what is your opinion on what I have said rather than your opinion on the way I've said it?

Did she rape him?

What? She didn't attack your tone, she attacked your whataboutery and deflection to something totally irrelevant.

This was exactly my first thought when I read that. Did she then go on to FORCE him?

People are allowed to WANT sex @TidyRaven, But that’s not issue here. I honestly can’t believe anyone would compare these two situations.