AIBU to feel upset about this.

[maria2bela1]

Long story short last year I posted about how I was upset that husband didn’t plan anything or get me anything for my birthday, I don’t want much, but even getting the kids to make me a card would have been nice. People said when he asks I shouldn’t brush it off and say I don’t want anything etc. so I told him how I felt and he said next birthday will be special, anyway we’re now 2 days before and he asks me ‘do you want a cake?’ And where should we go to eat. Basically this means he hasn’t done any planning. It’s not the birthday itself that gets to me, it’s more that when it’s his birthday or kids or my immediate family, I plan the cake, food and get together on that persons behalf. Just feels shit that none of them have planned anything for me and he’s asking me 2 days before. I suppose I wanted to know if I’m being unreasonable here..

It sounds like he is planning your birthday. Give it chance. You should try and appreciate effort he makes in his own way rather than want a carbon copy of what you do for his birthday. A lot of people hate surprises and would like to have a say in what cake they have and where they eat.

Nice, really helpful response to the OP. Bet you feel really good about yourself for being so supportive. I’d love to be your friend, you sound fabulous.

No, apparently last time he did nothing at all. This time he’s asking about a cake and dinner. The OP is cross he hasn’t started planning earlier.

He's not a mind reader, if he's never planned a birthday for op before how would he know?

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable here. It's just that birthdays matter a lot to op and not at all to her husband. People who don't care about birthdays (I know, because I'm one of them) aren't attuned to the expectations of people who do, so it's fair enough to ask.

So you say yes to a cake and tell him type resturant you would like and what present line you would like.
Hopefully he will be more on the ball next yr

Yep. Use your words! He's not going to plan things as you'd like, so when he asks you what you want, tell him!

Just say 'I would love a cake, you can buy one from Tesco' , ''Please book a table at Wetherspoons ', 'I would love a book token'. Insert your own preferences, I am very low maintenance!

As @maria2bela1 hasnt been back to update on her husband failing to deliver… looks like he did good in the end.

Depends what he is like overall.
supportive, loving, present dad, rock in a crisis etc etc I’d be supremely unbothered )that’s basically my OH- brilliant bloke overall but shit at birthdays or surprises)

if it’s an indication of a wider CBA attitude, then yes, I’d find it an issue