AIBU to preorder GTA VI for DS (17) when the trailer has left me with concerns?

[ThisRubyEagle]

Hello, first time posting so sorry if this is in the wrong place. I’m a mum of two (DS17 and DD13) and I’d describe myself as a moderate feminist - I believe strongly in raising my son to respect women, call out sexism when he sees it, and understand consent. I’m not the sort who wants to ban everything, but I do have my concerns about some media.
Yesterday DS was really excited and asked me to watch the new GTA VI trailer with him. I sat through the whole thing. It’s actually better than I expected in some ways - I liked that there’s a female character who seems central and quite tough. But overall it left me feeling uneasy. The whole tone is very hyper, violent and chaotic, with what looks like endless crime, guns, and this “Florida” satire that seems to mock everyone and everything. I know the GTA series has a long history of really problematic attitudes towards women (strip clubs, prostitutes, the way female characters have been treated in past games) and even if the trailer doesn’t shove it in your face, I can’t help worrying this one will be the same underneath.
He’s now asking if I’ll preorder it for him as all his friends are getting it on release and he’ll be 18 not long after. Part of me thinks I should just do it - he’s a good lad really, does well at sixth form, and I don’t want to be the overprotective mum who makes him miss out. But the other part is wondering if I’d be letting myself down as someone with feminist principles. OH says I’m overthinking it and “it’s only a bloody game.”
AIBU to be this conflicted about preordering? Or should I put my foot down on principle? TIA

I'm on the fence about the impact. We know that misogynistic attitudes and the mansophere is popular amongst some young boys so whilst there will be well adjusted boys out there that can play and it won't impact on them; there will be boys out there were that isn't the case.

Ultimately I just find it incredibly infuriating that game play like this even exists. Why do we need games with sexual violence and prostitution. Why do we need a game with virtual strip clubs for topless virtual lap dances? When we talk about the continual objectification of women; the way women are depicted in media and the messages it sends. It's just so disappointing.

I was pretty lax on video games but drew the line at GTA, even as adults, if they live in my house, they are not to play it here but then I didn't have sons who think gangsta life, drugs, prostitution, mafia etc is something to be admired.

They tend to play other games with their mates so Counter Strike, Rocket League, League of Legends, Skyrim, Terraria and a million others that are not GTA.

I personally feel GTA is abhorrent. And I used to play games too.

I wish it would've.

Taking the gratuitous sexual elements out of RDR2 made it a much better, more mature, heartfelt story with depth - but then at its heart, RDR is a Western with sweeping themes of revenge and betrayal, while GTA is a crime game that revels in violence. If you're looking for something more thoughtful for teens, Ghost of Tsushima and Ghost of Yotei are much more 'highbrow' AAA games, as is Baldur's Gate 3 (while still having mature content).

Frankly, I am pleased that my son (also 17) isn't particularly interested in playing it, but if he did, I'm quite certain it's not going to turn him from a respectful, conscientious young man who is fully aware of the patriarchal society we live in and the privilege he has, into a woman-hating incel.

You know its only months away from a big game release when the urban myths about the series come out 🙄

Op hes 17. Nearly 18 when it comes out. (Well tbf he will likely be 18 as the bastards will probably delay it again 😩) He'll be able to buy a card to add money to his gaming account to buy it online anyway so any stand you want to take will be futile.

Hasnt he got his own bank account yet?

I do agree - if it was up to me, I'd get rid of all that content as well. It's entirely unnecessary, and as you say - while it's not going to affect many boys, it will influence some.

But my advice on this thread is around whether or not this game is appropriate for a well-adjusted 17-year-old (it's fine), not about whether or not games should have misogynistic content (they shouldn't).

BIL bought an older version of this game for DS a few years ago as he thought I was a control freak of a woman not allowing the game in the house (not seeing the irony of his misogynistic attitude and the reason why I didn’t want the misogynistic game in the house). DS to his credit never played it here, in fact still think it is unopened. Fully expecting the twat to buy DS this new version.

Both RDR games were masterpieces but the second will always be my favourite game.

One thing I liked about both games is the ‘honour’ system, where you could play with either high honour (rescuing NPCs for example, not stealing stuff etc) or low honour (killing NPCs etc) and that would have a material impact on your gaming experience. IIRC, in the first it would impact how much things cost you, you’d get discounts in the game if you had high honour and in the second, it changed the ending of the story and the ending of the main story in RDR2 is heartbreaking and beautifully done so not something you’d want to miss out on. I wonder if they plan on introducing a similar feature in GTAVI? I highly doubt it but it’s possible.

It's the only game my sensible 16 year old isn't allowed to play. He asked, so we downloaded it for me to try first and I pressed a button while walking down the street and absolutely twatted a female character in the face. I play games, I'm not a prude, but I don't like GTA at all.

Assuming it was GTA5 I feel a bit gutted for your lad watching you play the epic first mission it throws you in to for you to just go "nope" once you can finally free roam 🤣😩

As a 15-year-old, I remember doing a complete round of San Andreas's map on a tricycle. Why? I don't know. Was it awesome? Yes. Or just zooming around the desert on a motorcycle, listening to Radio X. No prostitutes involved.

I do think it's a bit silly to think that GTA is an enormous, influencing evil, in a world where children are playing Roblox with paedophiles without their parents having any idea, and 14-year-olds who are more likely to play Fortnite than GTA, are using AI to create porn of their female classmates.

By the age of 14, the average child will have been exposed to far more damaging, sexually violent content (from peers at school, or online) than what's available in GTA. So I'd say at 16+, if you've otherwise raised your child sensibly and well, then playing GTA isn't going to make him (or her) into a monster. It's no more misogynistic than How I Met Your Mother (awful show).

He’s 17! Wow. Get him the game and I have played every one of the those games and as usual Mumsnet goes over the top about it.

@OtterlyAstounding I once went around the entire coast of San Andreas on a jet ski. Like you, I don’t know why I did it and like you I found it awesome.

ETA - you are unreasonable for not listening to Blue Ark though 😂

This game is going to be absolutely MASSIVE when it comes out. I know I’m gonna lose DP to it a little bit, but we’ve been playing GTA games since we were kids. They’re not even that bad and I’ve never been offended by “misogynistic violence”. It’s just violence, the sex of the computer generated non playable character doesn’t matter. I think people need to lighten up it’s just a game. And a hugely popular one at that.

I have to say, a jet ski is much cooler than a tricycle 😂

Come on. He is almost 18 and unless you have kept him completely sheltered from all media he knows about crime. Nearly every video game will involve some sort of "crime" whether it's shooting aliens with your laser blaster or pickpocketing as a victorian thief.

Unless your son has a real issue separating fantasy and reality, he'll be fine.

(Also agree that Red Dead Redemption is far better)

Not being offended by misogynistic violence isn’t something I would be proud of

Ahh San Andreas was brill, I spent a good few hours just biking around too listening to the tunes. That final mission tho....brutal...I dont think many things have given me the same sense of achievement 😂😂

It can be a bit grim in parts but any game can (THAT betrayal cut scene in MW2 and the death in RDR2, wounded me for days, I found those psychologically more disturbing than anything in GTA)

I love watching Friends still. Its on a lot as background noise. My older teen DS watches it a bit with me and he gets really shocked by a lot of scenes and jokes in that and will lecture me on how Ross was a total arse and Joey a misogynist so tbf that tells hes (mostly) got a sensible head on him and sees GTA for what it is.

You're right it definitely does come down to knowing how your own kid will, or wont, absorb it IMO.

prostitution-aside (and i realise that's a very big aside), i'm not sure there is any specifically misogynistic violence?

there's just violence.

there's nothing in the story of the game that requires or encourages violence against women because they are women?

can you kill women to steal money? yes. can you kill men for the same reason? yes. neither is rewarded or encouraged more than the other in game.

clips you've seen/heard of speak much more about the people playing the game in that way than the game itself.

I think a lot of people will be losing their partners for a bit when it finally comes out. Ive already told DP and DC that ill be booking a few days off and wont be making any plans for a few weekends 😂

I played it a lot more than GTA5, and during my teen years too, so it's burnt into my memory, haha.

Oh, my son was so devastated by the betrayal scene in MW2 when he played the original game a couple of years ago. And god yes, RDR2 cut deep - my DH played ahead of me so I knew what was coming when Arthur shook down Thomas Downes, and tried to put that mission off for so long. And several of the deaths were genuinely moving. I thought that Expedition 33 is another recent game that was incredibly beautiful as a story (and great gameplay).

My teenagers are shocked by a lot of Friends too (and honestly, so am I sometimes. It's strange how it seemed perfectly normal at the time, and now some aspects do seem jarring). But yes - it really does depend on your individual child, and if they're sensible, they're not going to be negatively influenced.

I guess with the new game coming out this board is going to be saturated with the question "should I allow my kid to play this".

As an avid games player myself, here is what I think is the definitive answer.

The games industry recognises that not all parents have the time and the will to investigate every single game, to every single outcome to establish whether it is suitable for their children.

As a consequence each game is rated by a panel of experts, who are experts in the psychology of children/young adults and the effect the games may have on them. At the end of this process they make a recommendation as to the age restriction of the game, which is helpfully printed on the front of the game and the back cover, along with some idea of things that the game may contain, like violence, sex, bad language etc. So you as a parent do not have to play for hours to discover them.

As a parent you can do one of two things :

a) Follow the advice that the expert gives you.

b) Ignore the advice the expert gives you, and request that some random, unqualified experts give you advice on an internet forum, often on the basis that they "played the last game for weeks when they were 5 and it never did them any harm".

No doubt some people will say that refusing their kids permission to play the game will cause them a lot of hassle. Well that's parenting. No one said it would be easy, and if you actually want to parent your kids sometimes that involves taking some difficult and unpopular decisions.

GTA is a game made by adults, for adults. It is not for children.

@OtterlyAstounding I found out the ending of RD2 by accident when I was watching a YouTube walk through (I know I know, but how else am I supposed to find all the gold bars? 😂)
I genuinely cried at Arthur’s fate and on my second play through, avoided the Thomas Downes mission and anything including Micah for as long as I could.
To be fair I mostly just hung around in chapter three. Happy times.

OP, if you are not comfortable with your son playing the game, do not buy it for him. He is still a child living in your house, the game is not advised for under 18s, and your job is to parent him in the way that you think is right.

Yes, he might buy it for himself when he is 18. Even then, you are entitled to tell him you don't want it in your home because of the content. If you have done your parenting job well, he will understand and respect your wishes.

I played it for maybe five minutes and was very much "nope". He knew immediately as I smacked a woman in the side of the head that it was over. Nah. He can wait until he's 18 and living somewhere else.

Less than 5 mins to finish that first mission it immediately starts on to get to the stage where you could twat a NPC is really impressive tbf!!