Breast feeding and child seeking comfort

[idontmatter123]

I wasn't able to breastfeed and had troubles with bonding after birth.... Issues with my own low mood.

I was wondering if the lack of breastfeeding and co sleeping is why my toddler isn't as cuddly as other children!?

Children are all different and all have different personalities. Breastfeeding and cosleeping is not required. I’m sure you did a wonderful job and your concern now shows deep care and concern for your child.

I hope you feel recovered after what sounds like postnatal depression and can resolve this feeling of guilt you seem to have. Be kind to yourself.

Hi,

It sounds like you had a rough time. Did you have anyone to talk to about it?

Some kids are cuddlier than others, some constantly want to be held and cuddled, for others that’s torture. It’s more about the individual rather than anything else.

I have one super cuddly child, and one who isn’t cuddly at all. Both parented the same way.

I breast fed my 3 youngest until they went to school. Eldest was bottle fed.

its son 3 who's very averse to physical cuddles. The feeding made no difference, theyre just all very different children. Find out what does help you feel close and do that. Ds3 liked sharing books and games when he was small and we go cycling now he's older or talk about amateur photography.

I'm sorry to hear you had a rough time postpartum. 💐

Breastfeeding & co-sleeping don't automatically equate a strong mother-child relationship. Instead of focusing on that, what are you currently doing to enjoy motherhood? Are there any special activities you & your little one like doing together?

Thanks but I didn't have post natal depression

I mean it could be. Could not. Impossible to say.

Almost certainly not, I’d say, based on my experience. I breastfed neither of mine. DS1 refused all the way, despite a lot of midwife intervention! DS2 was trying to feed but after a cs and staff shortage on the postnatal ward I cracked on with what I knew best. So neither got to breastfeed. DS1 was more needy of cuddles than DS2, noticeably so.

Aren't you only on the pn ward for a couple of hours and they don't feed a lot anyway?

My DC are both adults. I was in for 5 days in 2000 after an induction, with mws repeatedly trying to get DS1 to feed! I was in for 48 hours in 2008 after a cs.

@idontmatter123 fair enough, I totally read too much into that and I apologise for making that assumption - it was out of order to do so.

I breastfed and co slept with all three of mine. My eldest is not a cuddler, never was. Fiercely independent. My middle was my cuddly baby, still is as an adult. My third is somewhere between the two. I just think some children naturally are more affectionate. My eldest is lovely, and I know they love me as they do tell me, just hugging isn't something that comes natural to them.

Be kinder to yourself.

Get kicked out next day with a c section now :(

Thanks. He's affectionate to everyone else but me :(

Hi OP, I dont think so! My kids were all breastfed but they have very different personalities (one much more cuddly and affectionate.) I also coslept with my daughter as she refused the cot and she is arguably the least 'cuddly' of my kids. I don't think how much they want to cuddle is reflective of your bond with them- its just personalities! x

How old is he OP? A toddler? This could be a classic case of him rejecting the one he feels safest around. I BF and co-slept with my DS and when he was a toddler he went through a stage of actively rejecting me in favour of his dad. It was a short lived phase and has been very cuddly with me ever since

Both my kids were formula fed and extremely cuddly. We even sleep trained my youngest and didn’t co sleep and she is very affectionate. It’s entirely dependent on the e child, their personality, environment and so many factors.

Mums are typically the safe space for little ones, where they let out the 'bad' behaviours. They're secure enough to reject us at times, and it's part of building a secure attachment to let them do so without reacting.

Instead of focusing on their relationship with others, focus on fostering things that are special to the two of you.

It sounds like you're pretty low about this, do you have anyone to talk too IRL?

No one.

Have two sons. Both breastfed till 2+ years. One is absolutely not cuddly and never was. He might say best want to rest his head on me if he’s sick for 5 minutes. The other one lives for cuddles and would melt into me (and anyone really) if he could. So no I wouldn’t say breastfeeding makes a difference. It’s the child’s character.

You must admit that breastfeeding being mum and child closer. Mine will see me at nursery pick up, shout mum, be happy and then go off playing

One of mine was EBF, one combi (& preferred a bottle). Both do that at nursery pick-up. At drop-off I don't even get a "bye", let alone a hug. I think it's a great sign we've picked the right settings for our little ones personally. ❤️

Could you reach out to your GP for a referral for in person counselling? I went after both of mine to tackle low mood, and it was really refreshing to vent in person. I didn't have too many IRL supports but a professional can still be a member of your village.

I understand feeling wistful for a better baby stage, and that that can manifest in strange ways. I was so low after my firstborn, I felt I was robbed of their newborn stage for different reasons than you. Gently, you seem slightly fixated on your breastfeeding journey, and how that's impacted your current reality. Try enjoy the little one you have at this stage, and think about how you can make the most of motherhood in toddlerhood.

Gently, I don't understand why you are fixated on me having low mood.

I'm just asking a question. Stop diagnosing people.

People are trying to comfort you and be reassuringnecause you seem to be struggling. However when I was breastfeeding and when women here post about struggles with lack of sleep, lack of freedom, being tied to the baby, feeling touched out, everyone tells them to give a bottle, that BF babies are clingy etc and I think there is some truth to that. BF is comfort as well as food. My toddler definitely seeks me out to BF when he's had a bit too much, he's tired, misses me etc. That being said, overall it's more of a personality thing than anything, in my opinion.

I cannot really recognise that. Both my kids when toddlers preferred their father and he’s still their favourite parent compared to me (he’s pretty fantastic with them so I don’t blame them 😅). And both have ignored me on pick up. I see that as having chosen the right setting for them.

I'm not struggling.