AIBU for struggling with my mum's dressings and the smell?

[BandageChangeRuvulsion]

Can anyone help?

My mum has lymphoma and her legs are extremely swollen and leaking lymph fluid. I care for her and have been changing her dressings/bandages for the last couple of months but I'm not sure I can keep doing it because the smell and feeling of the soaked pads is starting to genuinely revolt me. She has cellulitis ATM too so it smells really bad. The pads are literally soaked in the fluid when we change them.

Honestly without trying to sound awful the smell and feeling of it even in gloves makes me want to heave. I love my mum and know if she knew that she'd be really upset but I'm literally dreading changing her bandages in the morning.

I've tried Vicks and chewing strong gum but it doesn't help. It's like my brain knows the smell is still there. I feel like it lingers on me too and I'm paranoid that other people can smell it.

Any ideas what else I can try please? Thank you

I'm so sorry, a CBT type hypnotherapist privately would be the quickest option. You'd prob just need 2-3 sessions.

I'm sorry but I don't understand how that would help?

Could you put something like vick menthol round your nose and a healthy care type mask?
I couldn't do what you I gag and retch at slightest thing.
Poor you,poor mum.

Is your mum not under GP surgery nursing care? I’m a nurse in a GP surgery and we do the dressings for this even if it’s daily for a certain period of time. If not healing properly, we refer them on to the specialist (podiatry, leg ulcer clinic, lymphoma clinic etc). If they are are housebound then the district nurses will come to them. Or have you been asked to change them at home? Sending you love for looking after your mum x

Are you qualified to be able to do this? No offense meant. I was just thinking back to my Nan and she had a nurse visit every day.
Cellulitis is quite serious, and surely a smell indicates further infection.

When was the last time your Mum was assessed professionally?

We live very rurally so have been asked to manage them at home. ☹️

As above, the district nurses will redress your mum’s legs, are they involved at all?

Friday by her GP and she's on antibiotics for the cellulitis.

I know how to clean and bandage her legs properly but I'm very much not a medical professional by any means!

No. GP has said we just need to manage them at home. I suspect it's because we live on a farm a good distance away from the town.

Bless your dear heart!! Don't feel bad, anyone would find that smell repulsive no matter who they were looking after!! I hope it gets better soon xxxx

There's not many relatives could do that! I'm sure if you couldn't the district nurses would have to even if you live rurally, what about someone who didn't have any relatives🤷‍♂️
You have my utmost empathy, I'm an HCP worked in a hospital for over 20 years, pretty good with blood and gore but that turns my stomach totally when patients have it (i dont show it obviously). You really feel like you can't get rid of the smell up your nose. Many years ago tea tree oil was recommended which does mask the smell a bit as very strong clean smell. You could try that and wear a disposable mask like worn in hospitals with a few drops on it (white lie to your mum saying its been recommended so you don't infect it with anything else if you think it would upset her to know you can't stomach it)💐

Oh bless you. It shouldn't matter where you are.
Would you be prepared to tell them that it is so bad that you cannot cope with it?
It's convenient for them to have you doing it daily, but it sounds like there should be more assessment and involvement on their part.

I'd absolutely make a fuss in this instance. You are doing brilliantly, going above and beyond but you don't have medical training.
That's not meant as a criticism at all.

Oh please call them in the morning.

Good luck xxx

I’m so sad to hear this! I had a feeling this might be the reason you were dressing your Mums legs (I’m in London). There is not enough done for the rural folk in this country. Nobody will ever realise the smell of leaky legs and the heavy weight of the pads until they have to do it themselves. I remember training and it was overwhelming. I’m nose blind now and nothing makes me gag but I’m trained and paid to do it. You are not - you are amazing for helping your mum. I only wish I could help you! Make sure you speak to your GP surgery and tell them what you have told us. I’m hoping there is other help available to you!

My heart goes out to you - I remember a very close female relative who was in very bad straits and it was horrendous. I hid the reaction but my God it was repulsive, in the true meaning of the word.

I assume you wear gloves?

I mean this very gently, but could it be that some of your reaction could be because there can be deep physical instinctual revulsion from the overtly physically severely ill? No matter how deeply the love for one's mother runs, and no one doubts you love her very deeply, but I think there can be a survival-instinct revulsion from certain sort of end-stage illnesses, especially ones involving smell/sound. There's no shame in it, it just has to be quietly acknowledged inside and then put aside and the necessary help given.

I think a mask with some tea tree oil or Vicks under your nose is the best option in this awful situation. Say it’s to reduce the risk of infection (be vague) so your Mum isn’t upset.

Poor you and your poor Mum. 💐

remember the covid masks those blue ones, i use 2 together and that helps with some smells

We live rurally and the district nurses used to come and do my dad's. Please ask at the surgery as you don't want to ruin the relationship you have with your mum.

If you weren’t there to do the bandages, the nurse would visit. You might have to tell them you can no longer do them and they need to take over. (I’m a district nurse).

the worst smell ever is infected legs. Tell the GP you cannot manage anymore, what if you were not available?

for Odour, charcoal impregnated dressings can be used to help with the smell.. ask your GP about that..

I'm surprised, us farmer types usually have iron clad stomachs!

To your actual point though, when my mother was bed bound at home she had nurses coming out to her daily. My parents don't just live rurally, they live in the arse end of nowhere (you wouldn't know it existed if you didn't have a map to prove it!) so provision can clearly be made if required.
I would be contacting the GP and explaining that just because you don't live on an estate five minutes away from the practice doesn't mean they can palm you off to manage things at home. If they are prepared to come out to Sheila at No 50 Cookie Cutter Close then they can do the same for your mother!

Can you wear a face mask? Might help. Does sound incredibly difficult

This

And definitely try a mask

Being a carer is hard, hard work but if you weren’t there, the district nurses would have to do it. For the sake of your relationship with your mum, it might be time to stop this part of the caring. Tell the GP you simply can’t do it any more and they really will have to help. Yes, the NHS is under pressure but again, if you weren’t providing this service, the system would have to step in.

I oversee the care for my dad and there’s some things I just can’t do. There’s no guilt either in setting boundaries over what you can reasonably manage. This sounds like you’ve hit a limit and need some outside help.

Just refuse.
Ex district nurse.