Has anyone successfully kept a FWB situation *strictly* as that?

[worldshottestmom]

I’m over 1 year on from an abusive relationship and definitely do NOT want another proper relationship anytime soon. I'm in a good place and have been focusing on growth, I'm in therapy, I’m enjoying having my own space, doing what I want, and not having to factor someone else into every decision and just focusing on my kids.

That being said… I’m a very sexual person and am looking for a someone to have a casual sex-only relationship with. I have met a guy who I like, and I'm quite certain he likes me too. We get on really well, there’s chemistry, it’s easy and fun, and on paper it feels like the ideal FWB setup. My only reservation about him is that he's rather shy and let's me make all the moves. I much prefer a man who is forward and makes it known that he wants me. Bonus points if you can tell me if shy guys can be dark horses, because if not, I'll keep searching.

My main question is: how do you actually keep it at FWB? I feel like it’s very easy for these things to drift into relationship territory, I.e texting all day, spending time together, doing datey things, gradually building emotional expectations without ever having The Conversation.

I’m very clear with myself that I don’t want that, but I also know feelings/attachment can creep in when there’s regular intimacy and familiarity. So for those who’ve done this successfully:

• Did you have explicit rules/boundaries from the start?
• Did you avoid certain things (sleepovers, regular texting, meeting friends etc)
• Is it realistic to think two adults can keep it casual for any meaningful length of time? Or does one person almost always end up wanting more?

I have NEVER done this before, so would genuinely love to hear real-life experiences, whether it worked brilliantly or crashed and burned. And yes, before anyone says it, I know the obvious answer is “if you have to give it this much head space, don’t do it” — but I’m curious whether anyone has actually managed the mythical healthy, drama-free FWB arrangement. Also before anyone says it, no, I'm never going to introduce him to my kids and it's not going to hinder my ability as a mother. Yes, I'm ready for this, and have spent much time working on myself (and still am).

YABU - FWB never works and someone always develops feelings

YANBU - FWB can work without becoming a formal relationship

Love this, thank you! Exactly what im hoping for tbh. I dont want it to end badly as hes so lovely. So glad it worked out for you ❤️

Ooooh, interesting! The first guy sounds like something out of a spicy novel, I love it. Please, God, let it happen to me.

The second one is why I'm so apprehensive about all of this! I don't want anyone to get hurt and still feel like it's just pure chance as to whether it ends as a car crash or ends amicably 😮‍💨

I find this kinda beautiful tbh. May I ask, why did you not just pursue a relationship together? It sounds sounds as though you are both well suited. I so hope this works out the same way, I dream of feeling that way about someone tbh. Not romantically involved anymore, but close enough to keep as a solid, life-long friend.

Not sure if this was directed at my post but basically at the time we were FWB we both had a huge amount of difficult things happening in our lives- caring responsibilities, bereavements , etc and absolutely were not in the right head space for a relationship. I think in different circumstances we would have worked out well. We do sometimes talk about what if?
Before anyone asks we aren’t having an emotional affair! Any time we see each other our partners are fully aware, When I was unwell and had to be brought to hospital my DP rang him in the middle of the night from resus “ he has a right to know” . There aren’t secrets from our partners. Its worked out well for us

@runningonberocca sorry yes, it was! MN kept glitching for me last night removing quotes etc, my apologies.

This is all so interesting to me tbh, it sounds like such a mature, amicable and beautiful situation honestly. I think it would be normal to wonder what if in such a scenario, I definitely would be. Perhaps your paths may align one day in the future, who knows! Though I'm sure you're both very happily married, but this honestly sounds like something out of a romance novel and I can't help but feel like im rooting for you both to be together in the end hahaha. I hope I find someone like this 😮‍💨🤞 and kudos to your husband for being so mature and sensitive, what a stand up guy.

I’m not sure if he would want more, he’s been single a long time as have I so we both like our own company. I have a disabled daughter who is always my priority (she’s 20 and still at home). I don’t think I would want a relationship with him, he can bring my mood down if I spend too much time with him. Seeing him once a month means we have lots to talk about, it’s not always about the sex but it’s probably what keep me going back 🤣. My own mental health is always better when I am not in a relationship so I would happily stay single forever.

Ahhh okay in that context it makes sense. You honestly sound so similar to me in the sense that my MH is better by a tenfold when not in a relationship. I so hope I'm able to get the kind of set up you have going on, you've hit the jackpot! I kinda thought I would be judged for not just longing for a husband and living a traditional life, and I'm sure some would judge. But now you've expressed your own situation, it just sounds so appealing to me and who I am as a person now. If it works for you and other people then why not me! Thanks for this ☺️

I tried this and went for a younger partner because I thought he would inevitably loose interest in an older women soon enough. The issue is that for a lot of people keeping your distance emotionally can trigger them into wanting you a lot more. So just beware of that.

I had what would be termed a f*ck buddy rather than FWB as we weren’t really friends! We did occasionally veer into the casual relationship territory: I remember a meal out, and watching a film on the couch type thing. But it was never going to work long term and neither of us caught feelings. He was separated and not looking to remarry, and I was ultimately looking for something long term. We were also very different, outlook wise. But the physical attraction/chemistry was strong.

Is he a friend you spend time with? Do you socialise already?

I've had a few FWB.

The true friend was one I went out with once a week, wed discuss who were were dating, who we'd hooked up with and were basically like besties that then said ''shall we get the sex out the way to continue as friends". Sex wasn't great but functional (if that' makes sense) when we weren't seeing anyone else.

Other FWB were more like regular one night stands, repeated if we were in the same place at the same time and not going with anyone else.

The sex with those FWB was fantastic but we knew that was all it was..we didn't datem didn't arrange to meet. Just kind of happened.

I think unless you are friends already you risk it sounding like you are arranging a date rather than a shag.