Aibu to be thinking about kids 5 months in?

[rachel55488]

I’ve been with my boyfriend 5 months but for some reason I’m really frustrated on the fact that I don’t know what’s going to happen with my future. I feel rushed on the kids thing only because of his age. He’s 42.. and I’m 31. There ls not a lot of time left for him. I have a 6 year old and his kids are 14 and 21🤣 I always swore I’d never have another one as I have adhd and my mental health isn’t that great at the minute but I’m so scared if this time in ten years I regret not having another one! Aibu cause it’s so early on? I literally know I never want to be without this man already

Of course YABU! Why does he even want another kid when his are grown up? Your mental health isn’t great and you’ve lived no life with this guy, having another kid would be irresponsible and probably ruin the relationship. Enjoy getting to know him, and eventually introducing him to your child and seeing how they get on, then maybe try living together one day. So many essential steps to follow before considering kids with this guy

Kindly girl, yabvu x

Im sorry, but from what you (briefly) describe, I dont think you should be rushing into having a baby with a man you've been with for 5 months. Put your 6 yo first and reevaluate in a few years, if your mental health is better. You have tonnes of time and so does he, men have children much later!

From another ADHD’er…….don’t do it. You would be crazy too. I totally get why you want too but it would be a crazy idea.

I’m unclear on who wants another kids and who wants the decision now? Does he want you to promise to have one?

I know! I find it hard even with my 6 year old. Just can’t imagine not goin through pregnancy and me and my ex broke up when my daughter was 6 months and it was covid times and it just wasn’t a good experience. I would love to experience it with someone I actually love /:

It’s me that just feels a bit rushed because of his age

This feels like it has disaster written all over it. Blending a family, age gap pressure and neurodiversity (is your ADHD medicated and managed?). Five months is way too ludicrously short to either know you want to be with him forever.

This!

Has he said he wants a child with you?

Nobody should be rushing anyone. Although it’s not actually clear to me that he wants another.

Presumably your 6yo barely knows him, if she’s even met him yet. So thinking about adding another to the mix is madness. Just enjoy it for what it is for now.

I don’t think he’s too old wait a couple of years and see how you feel then and watch him closely to see how helpful he is and how well he looks after you and cares about your rest

Yeah I Probly do just need to enjoy it don’t even know why I’m thinkin about it tbh!

He said he would if we lived together but literally like next year he means

The child you already have should be your priority here OP.

Not the new bloke and not whether you'll want more kids in the future.

But your actual child.

She is and always will be my priority

So why are you thinking about having kids with a guy you've barely been with for 5 minutes?

If his age is a problem for you, you need to hook up with someone younger.

I don’t know why the ‘kids thing’ is even crossing your mind. You’ve got a six year old, that’s a very young child who has already had some disruption. Just enjoy her and enjoy your new relationship. Have fun rather than worry about babies and making your situation more difficult.

Don’t do it now, you’ve only been together 5 months, that’s nothing. Think about your 6 year old, don’t rush anything, even moving in let alone a baby. What would happen if you’re not compatible long term and you’re left a single mum with a 6 year old and a baby, could you cope with that?

Christ, he shouldn’t of really met your kid yet let alone thinking of having a baby with him! Give your head a wobble

I personally think it’s because I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life

That doesn’t mean the same for him. Unfortunately 5 months isn’t enough time to really know someone.

He’s only met her a couple times. But yeah shouldn’t even be thinkin about it

My brother became a first time dad at 51 and loves it! My ex was 48 when our son was born. (We split for other reasons).

I literally know I never want to be without this man already

This sounds incredibly intense if you’ve only been together 5 months.

You’re in the honeymoon period. You’re still getting to know each other.

The relationship will be completely different in a year to 2 years time.

You also don’t truly know someone unless you’ve lived with them.

If the relationship progresses and in a couple of times you live together, are comfortable and get along with each others children. If your children all get along then great- maybe that’s when you could start to think about a child together. If you’re both 100% on board.