To ask for stupid reasons you've been told off at work?

[chailatte123]

I once asked a member of the Senior Team if she had dyed her hair.
Apparently this was very rude.

In my first job in Clarks (aged 16), I was told off for wearing 'mens shoes'.

To be fair, they were.

Getting pregnant.

"I'm so disappointed in you", like I was her teenage daughter and not an adult woman she just happened to Line Manage.

Me and 2 other TAs were told we would be put in the “internal alternative provision” in school. This was 20+ years ago so it was framed as a nurture room. I was outraged as I was on minimum wage but was expected to run the room. I told said teacher that I wasn’t happy and I would speak to HT. next minute me and the 2 other TAs were hauled in front of HT and 3 senior leaders and teacher telling me I upset the teacher and as a TA who did I think I was! I interrupted the HT rant by looking at the teacher and apologising. I told teacher I wasn’t upset with her and that I was sorry that I’d upset her. The HT bollocked me for apologising. I was reminded I was on a yearly contract. After the meeting the teacher apologised to me and said she wasn’t upset with me and she had told HT that I wanted to speak to her about me being moved. I told the teacher to go back to HT and tell her that I hadn’t upset her. She refused. I told her I would not accept her apology and I’d be careful about what I said to her in the future since I could be sure how she would represent me to others. She went back to HT to complain I’d had another go at her! HT hauled me back in and would not hear that the teacher came to apologise to me and that I’d not accepted it. HT basically said I’m on a spoken warning! Batshit.

A Dr I worked with said he couldn't come to the Christmas do because he was teaching the Christian Alpha course the next day so I said 'well i'm sure Jesus would appreciate that more than you going to a party to celebrate his birthday' and got told off for being disrespectful of Christianity. I didn't think I was.

Also got told off for finding out conclusively that a member of staff was stealing from patients and told the member of staff was just a confused old lady and I shouldn't be sneaking around checking up on her.

Taking notes in a meeting
Asking questions in “CPD” (apparently I wasn’t meant to actually understand it)
Not ticking the box to say I’d ticked the other boxes (literal boxes to tick)
They didn’t like my shoes
They didn’t like the shoes & coat I’d walked in wearing that I changed before I started work
I looked at someone while I was talking
Someone else (that I had no responsibility for) hadn’t done their part of a job

And though you say ‘told off’ this turned into sustained bullying and harassment. You’d think it must be my fault. I did. Until they did it to every other staff member of a certain level of experience. (No prizes for guessing the profession)

This wasn’t even the half of it

Not driving 2 and a half hours to the office when I wasn’t sure what effect mixing antihistamines with my other meds would have and was worried I’d fall asleep at the wheel.

I also got in trouble for telling my colleagues this.

Seek advice

Please don't put words in my mouth. I have not said one word about anything ridiculous like trying to get someone fired, because believe it or not, I'm quite normal too.

It's one thing if you add a compliment, but in OP's example they didn't appear to have done so, just said 'Have you dyed your hair?' Personally I can see how, without a compliment attached, this could have landed as quite rude.

I haven't put words in your mouth, I was referring to the initial example where the colleague obviously got pissed off at a normal passing comment and decided to report it to her seniors so OP would be reprimanded.

On coming into the office from outside on a very hot sunny day, I lifted my sunglasses onto my head so that I could see my way to my desk and got pulled up by a supervisor for ‘looking unprofessional’ 😧

Thanks for clarifying the word, I'd genuinely never heard that before. But I don't think a person is necessarily 'pappy' or odd if they're not a fan of certain types of personal comment being made at work. It's hugely context-dependent and person-dependent, and people are allowed their preferences. For example, I think commenting on weight loss is dicey unless you know for a fact that someone has been dieting - the weight loss could be unintentional e.g. due to illness or other personal difficulties.

FWIW I'm fine with compliments at work myself (although I have to give them to myself if I want them now I'm self-employed 😄), I wasn't particularly talking about me, and my earlier comment about it being 'rude' possibly sounded a bit inflexible. But I do stand by my opinion that work is a place where in general you really need to 'read' your workplace/colleagues and gauge whether personal comments are a good idea or not. It sounds like it's fine where you and some of the other pps work, but different workplaces have different norms.

I got told off loads at my work. Got told off for laughing as we did not come to work to enjoy ourselves, then someone told me off because my resting face was too serious and I should smile more.
Got told off for wearing trousers. Got told off because my clothes were too bright, so ended up just wearing black. I could go on. Think it was because I was the union rep and they did not like that. Everything was ok until we were privatised.

I think we must have a same colleague!

My colleague had made a presentation for PhD students and used an image of the Titanic sinking to suggest that there was no need to feel like they were drowning. Colleague afterwards told her that she was being extremely insensitive to those who lost their lives in ship sinkings and we weren’t being very inclusive. I can confidently say there were no Titanic survivors at my workplace. Colleague was forced to apologise next time she saw this group. Not many of them spoke good enough English to understand the sinking ship analogy so were very confused.

The next gem from this woman was when I was at a health and safety meeting I suggested that the smokers moved away from the entrance to the building because I’d heard complaints from people about it. She went mad telling me that I needed to consider the “human rights” of the smokers and I needed to understand their addiction meant they couldn’t possibly delay access to their fags by moving. I asked her if she smoked and her answer was no, but she felt we should be more inclusive toward them.

Then she told off a senior manager for not arranging training to deal with glass paperweights and negating fire risks. A couple of people laughed thinking it was a funny joke but she was deadly serious.

Violet if you’re here, I’m not entirely sure that we were the mad ones…

No - it was rude.

Thanks to everyone who has replied and written stories. I’m clearly not alone.
In terms of the hair comment as I’ve already mentioned it was not intended to be rude at all.
It was clearly unwise but not malicious and I have already been chastised.
In another life I’ll meet some of you by the water cooler to discuss inappropriate trousers and expensive suits.

I was told off once for wearing a very smart and definitely very decent cowl neck top. Older female boss, possibly jealous?

Well I do all the time actually. Although to be fair I work with normal down to earth people who don't take offence at the slightest thing.

I started a new job and announced that I would be getting married a few weeks later. My line manager told me that if he knew I might be getting married, he would not have appointed me. The implication, I think, being that I might have children and need maternity leave etc.

I started a new job and announced that I would be getting married a few weeks later. My line manager told me that if he knew I might be getting married, he would not have appointed me. The implication, I think, being that I might have children and need maternity leave etc.

I was told that the pinstripe on my suit was too loud 😂 Dress code was "sombre" - the suit was black with blue pinstripes 🤨🤨🙄

Not going to lunch with my colleagues to celebrate my cunt of a boss getting promoted. Got an actual written warning through the post for that.

I can see why some of these are problematic though. I would not expect a colleague (with whom I didn’t have a close personal relationship) to make ANY personal comment on clothes, hair, weight etc, even if it’s a compliment.

Why is it always jealousy? Could it just be she didn’t feel it was suitable?

I thought it looked very smart and office appropriate. I thought it was a ridiculous comment. I also thought that I had much better and more office appropriate dress sense that my boss, though of course I didn’t say that.

But that doesn’t make it jealousy!

It is just perpetuating the myth that the only reason a woman dislikes another woman is jealousy