To think “you do you” can come across as passive aggressive?

[TheOpenGreenBird]

Whenever someone says “you do you”, it often feels a bit passive aggressive to me, like they don’t really agree but don’t want to say it outright. I know it can also be meant genuinely but I’m not always convinced.

AIBU?

It’s never anything BUT passive agressive in my experience!!

I thought that it was supposed do?

I've always assumed it was MEANT to be passive-aggressive!

As has already been said by @DdraigGoch, it's a rewording of "on your head be it".

It’s very seldom used in a genuine, non passive aggressive way. Same with HTH.

I still have this lipstick:-

https://www.womanandhome.com/beauty/beauty-news/primark-you-do-you-babe-lipstick-mac-315322/

Exactly!

its always meant rudely

I use 'both you do' you and 'each to their own' and mean it. I don't see it as PA. Maybe it's because I usually say what I mean and not playing word games though. Phrases to avoid then based on this chat then 🙄

For me it's just another way to say let's agree to disagree. I don't find it passive aggressive, it's just a way to recognize you're at an impasse and there's really nothing more to say.

Nope

To some people other people existing is passive aggressive i dont get bothered by it

Maybe it depends on where you live or something? My friends and I don’t use it in a pass gag way. It’s more like cheerleading - eg when someone says they’ve had a run in with another person at work and they say how they will deal with it and they ask for my advice/support it’s “you do you and let them stew”.

It’s a MN cliche like ‘ give your head a wobble ‘ etc, have never read it anywhere else or heard it being spoken in reality

It’s incredibly pass agg

I use it but only genuinely so cringing now 😩 How many people must have thought I was making a subtle dig?!

Anything can be passive agressive depending on the context and tone

It’s a fucking irritating line - I’ve had people say that to me with the ‘hun’ at the end in a work setting about following SOP. It’s not a ‘you do you hun ‘ when it’s protocol you fucking moron.

"I think you are an complete and utter blithering idiot to do <whatever> but if you really are absolutely adamant in refusing to listen to any of my sage common-sense advice and are determined to press on with your mind-bogglingly absurd and foolhardy course of action - on your own stupid head be it. Now go away, you insufferable tit."

Or, if you really can't be bothered to say all that:

"You do you."

Well yes, it is, but they're just admitting you have the right to do what you want, but they don't have to agree with your view.
Or some people say it to suggest they're really keen on everyone marching to the beat of their own drum, and I LOVE THAT FOR YOU, always, in capitals.

Ive never heard this.. It sounds like one of those modern expressions used by people with a poor vocabulary. Similar to:

Suck it up
Gives me the ick
Minging
and so on.

Interesting, because I've never seen it as anything other than a statement of indifference. If I said 'you do you', it's really just saying, 'you do it your way, I"ll do it mine, all good'. Definitely not passive aggressive. Just that I have no investment and don't care that we do things differently.

When I first started on MN (nc a lot) I asked what it meant and I thought that's nice.
I know better now 6yrs in.

YANBU yes it’s passive aggressive
YABU that’s the intention

Passive aggressive is a really irritating 'modern' phrase.

I think it's frequently meant passive aggressively, but it's also frequently genuine. Like all language, meaning is conveyed through non verbal cues.