AIBU to say clear the building materials or I leave?

[BetteDavisChin]

When we got together, my H and I bought a doer upper house. Took us two years. When it was almost done we moved in. Our large garden had piles of left-over materials strewn all over - piles of bricks, concrete, stacks of roof tiles, bags of sand, lengths of pipes, you get the idea.
It was left like this for 2-3 years. I did as much as I could myself to tidy up as he wouldn't help.
Long story short, we moved house and I stupidly agreed to buy another doer upper, stipulating that he had to get rid of any surplus.
The work was finished around 3-4 months ago. Guess what? It has happened again- surplus building materials all over the garden and no sign of it being moved😡
We are 12 years older than the last time and I do a bit of tidying away every day, but I'm worn out and sick to death of living like this.
I want to give him a choice - get it sorted or I am leaving.

AIBU?

Will you follow through and leave? If not then what's the point?

Pay someone to come clear it

Only if you mean it. And if you do, I’d imagine there are other issues with the marriage.

There’s a long way between ‘tidy it up’ and ‘bye’.

If I was that pissed off (and I would be!) I would organise a waste disposal firm to come collect it all and take it away. Then I could enjoy my garden for the summer.

Just go outside. Take a bunch of pictures and stick it on Facebook marketplace as free.

It will be cleared in no time!

Paying someone to clear it is the obvious answer. Presumably in order to sell your previous house the surplus stuff must have been cleared away at some point?

Why have you decided it’s primarily his responsibility and you doing it is the second resort? Have you offered to do it together?

Devil's advocate - are there reasons why it physically has to be him rather than you that clears it up? (I know it currently is you, but I think you're tidying it up rather than getting rid).
Best answer - pay someone or list it free for anyone who wants it.

Can you pay someone to do it?

TBH, I probably wouldn't follow through.
I have taken pics and put on fb marketplace but no takers, unless we deliver.
I am just so frustrated that he promised and has gone back on it.
I've told him this morning that I'm getting a skip on Monday. He said "I don't know what you're going to put in it?"
I said it would be his dead body if he didn't pull his finger out and help me.

Order a clearance company and a skip and pay from the joint account/credit card.

Never make threats and not follow through with whoever it is on the receiving end. Just makes you look a complete mug / doormat if you back down.
Get a skip and get it cleared, if Knob helps you that's an added bonus, if he doesn't I'd be looking at this marriage over all because there is more going on than surplus building materials.
If he really loved you he would help clear it and feel good that it's made you happy, then you can both enjoy your summer without looking at a builders yard.

I think it’s time to pay for a waste removal company to take it away - or at least get a skip and put it in that

I'm really not seeing the problem here surely you just organise a skip?

Well just order the skip, then once it’s there hopefully Hel help. Stupid threatening to leave when you aren’t going to do it.

Why wouldn’t you follow through? I don’t understand?

Because she doesn’t actually want to leave her husband and her home!

give him a deadline and then get him to pay for it be removed.

Dear husband, can we agree a date that this will be dealt with? And can we agree that if you haven’t got rid of it by then that x will happen?

Realistically speaking, how much stuff is there? If doable by a man and van then get it organised, loads of companies out there that will clear gardens for a decent price. Just make sure they have a licence to take to the tip.

Seriously, its worth it for your mental health and to get your garden back.

Then please never agree to move to another doer upper!!

Why not just pay for it to get removed instead of spending months stressing?

lol! I thought OP meant she wouldn’t follow through on hiring a skip and paying someone to get rid of the crap 🤣

I can see why this would cause huge annoyance but it is a very solvable issue (unlike most of the ones that folks come here with complaining about their partners) - just pay to have it cleared!

Use his bank card to book men with ven. Sorry that's a peep Show joke..😂

And or a skip. You can't force him to physically do it but he can't stop you getting someone in to do it.

Idle threats are a mug's game. People usually see right through them and they dilute your argument.

Say something you will actually do! For example -
"I'm spending what would have been your birthday and Christmas present budget on hiring two people to clear the site next week. If you don't want that, you've got this weekend to clear it yourself."

Order the skip and arrange for a couple of guys to fill it.
Whether you leave or not depends on everything else in your marriage.