To not want the BBQ my mum has planned for my birthday?

[birthdaywoeisme]

It’s my birthday this weekend, and we usually always mark it as a family with a BBQ. It’s a nice weekend together, as usually the weather is a lot better than it is at the moment.

The weather is set to be awful. Rainy and cold, but she insists someone can BBQ outdoors and bring it inside. To add, my dad has had surgery this week so can’t BBQ, but he will sit nearby being grumpy about what’s going on and trying to get involved. Honestly I think it’ll all end in tears.

So I’ve suggested I pick up a load of nice picky bits (M&S I’m looking at you), and have a nice afternoon at home. She has said that if that’s what I want, she may as well cancel the entire thing and I’m being “ungrateful” by suggesting this. AIBU to suggest this?

Do it at yours and invite people to your house, she can come if she grows up, have the day YOU want.

Has she always done things her way on your birthday?

What happens on her birthday?

their house is the only one really suitable for hosting, we couldn’t all fit in my house!

If you are grown up enough to a) not live with your parents b) afford to buy M and S picky bits you are DEFINITELY grown up enough to arrange and enjoy the birthday you want!

OP, ask your DM what she would prefer. Tell her you don’t want a barbecue because of the weather forecast, but that you’re open to alternative suggestions. See what she says.

She likes to be taken out for a meal

She is being silly. You get to choose what you do.

But oh dear OP, you said ‘picky bits’.

What’s wrong with picky bits? They’re my favourite meal 😂

It’s the phrase OP, not the food itself. I love food like that. But the name shudder 😏

Oh, don't pander to that crap. Just tell her what you plan to do and she's welcome to come or not. Might be worth letting your other guests know what the plan is so she doesn't tell them it's cancelled out of spite.
I'm guessing by 'someone' can bbq outside she wasn't volunteering to do it herself 🙄
Is she always this controlling and manipulative?

It’s your birthday you get to choose how you spend it.

You don't need to host anyone, go out by yourself or with your own family or friends.
As PP pointed out, your mother is manipulating you and calling you names, don't accept her behaviour.

Shes making your birthday all about her. What do you want to do? Choose something that doesn’t involve her house.

Why don’t you suggest being taken out for a meal. It’s good enough for her,

Why don’t you reschedule to next weekend? The weather is meant to be much better.

I voted you are BU purely because you said p bits and that phrase is just so revolting.

You are not being unreasonable.

Let her cancel it and do something yourself. Invite her to come along.

Sounds like SHE fancies a bbq so she’s sulking. Who is the “someone” that will cook the meat in the rain?”

You should insist on your tapas style celebration but please don't invite people for picky bits 🤮🤢.
It makes me think youre serving bogies 🤭

This is what I was going to say!!!
Who is that “someone”?

Sounds like it’s what she wants to eat and trying to engineer a situation where someone has to cook it for her and still somehow be grateful!

Why not say “oh I was thinking that your last birthday was so nice we should do the same and go to x restaurant” (if you want to do that).

Or better still, just say what you actually want as it’s your birthday!

Considering it’s Thursday today, is it possible that’s she’s already bought things for it?

Go out with your immediate family for a pub lunch and don’t invite her. She has no right to dictate what happens! If she offended so be it she’ll get over it eventually.

If you want to do it your way i recommend doing it at your house.

Has she said who will be cooking?

'It was a lovely idea Mum, but to be honest the thought of it with this weather and Dad not being able to help it is just stressing me out. I just want something that will work and everyone can enjoy'

This sounds like a really odd dynamic between you and your mum. Is she quite a controlling, melodramatic person in general? I really can’t imagine my mum ever kicking off and sulking because I didn’t want to have a barbecue in the rain on my birthday! It’s your day, not hers, and what you’ve suggested is much less effort for your parents than a barbecue, so YANBU in the slightest.

Most adults sort their own birthday celebrations and do whatever they like.