To find it rude that DP picks up his phone at every notification when we’re mid conversation

[dinnerdateeee]

DP has an Apple watch and phone and has always done these even in our early dating days. We can be mid conversation and a notification will come on his phone or his watch and he’ll focus entirely on that and start reading it.

we were having a bit of a make or break conversation at dinner the other night and while I was talking he just picked up his phone and started reading a message.

I paused and waited for him to finish and he had a go at me as he can ‘concentrate on more than one thing at the same time’

I just find it so bad mannered but AIBU?

these are not urgent notifications by the way just like group chat nonsense or whatever

YANBU. It's totally disrespectful and rude if he does it a lot and then gives you pushback for not being OK with it. My exH was similarly really disrespectful and he turned out to tick 70-80 percent of the covert narc checklist. He'd start reading something on his phone while we were out, and just ignoring me while I sat there, he'd be an hour late and not mention it, and later, when married, he'd just walk out of the room while I was speaking.

I think what you describe is a bad sign. I could never make mine show respect, and it only got worse and worse and worse over the years, to the extent that his irritation at my mere presence got so bad, I really think he'd have ended up hitting me if we hadn't split.

Bear in mind that your DP did it WHILE YOU WERE HAVING A MAKE OR BREAK CONVO.

IME you can't change these men. Don't waste your time trying to make them respect you as a human being. They won't. It's a character deficiency in them which cannot be fixed. Let go and find someone who you don't have to strong-arm into respecting you.

Never were truer words said.

My mother in law is like this ! She makes a big show and dance of keeping her phone i her bag but when it goes off she leaps up to read it.

Always an excuse of it could be something important. Usually its pics of the cats. If its really importabt people will ring if they dont get through.

Every convo is interupted multiple times with her. If she notices my phone vibrate and she is near it she jumps up to hand it to me. And cannot understand why i dont check it

I’m sorry but this man has no respect for you. I am not sure he even likes you.

Are you happy?

He is addicted to his phone and consequently is rude to people. You highlighted this by stopping talking, that’s why he had a go at you

During a make or break conversation he made it very clear he's not interested in the make part of it.

No, that's incredibly rude. If I am with my partner, I don't look at or respond to messages/calls, indeed I don't use my phone unless it's in relation to something we are talking about/planning. Occasionally I might be expecting an important message and I explain when I/he arrives that I might have to pick up a message and explain why in advance so it's not rude.

The only exception is when we are on holiday together as then we are together 24/7 for an extended period of time, so we can't be expected to not touch our phone for 2 weeks!

I just think it's respectful to not use phones when in company.

Incredibly rude. Is he 12? As soon as it happened I'd be off and doing something else and refuse to engage again. Who does that? Is he desperate for attention generally with fomo?

Dump him as he is saying he won’t change.

its a displacement
why are you enabling his ignorant behaviour by waiting for him to come back to the conversation/s he soesn

It is exceptionally rude. If I’m talking to people I never pull my phone out at all, ditto if I’m socialising generally unless it’s relevant to show them something, get maps up etc.

He is the same if it rings which I get to a certain extent. But often it’s his mother and he’ll just have arrived at my house and will answer it immediately and then have a 30 minute conversation with her while I sit there on my own.

I did suggest once that maybe he tell her he’s busy with company and he’d call her another time and he looked at me like I have two heads as if he wouldn’t answer his mother when she calls.

its always general chit chat, nothing important so he’ll be at my house chatting away to her in my garden while I sit there on my own like a lemon.

what happened to my post?

should read - he doesn’t want to be having anyway?

Pp said that men should add to our lives, not vex us- great post- but is there a default for us where we feel we just have to put up with this vexatious behaviour? I say we as in women, I (like to think I) have moved on from it but it’s a familiar sensation.

You are at the bottom of his priorities.

If you don’t dump him (I think you should) then stand up for yourself by leaving the room when he checks messages and when he comes to your home and takes a chit chat call, open the front door and tell him to leave.

its always general chit chat, nothing important so he’ll be at my house chatting away to her in my garden while I sit there on my own like a lemon @dinnerdateeee

When he does this, don't sit and wait for him. Start getting busy with something else which then keeps you occupied for a while after he has finished the call.

Don't wait for him. Let him wait for you if he is rude with long phone calls.

Also, tell him to switch off the phone during meals. He is not a doctor on call!

If his mum calls when you are there, can't it be a joint call? My partner's parents video call when I am there, but it's very much a planned regular thing, where they call at the same time and both of them talk to both of us for a catch up. It's rude and weird to exclude you if you are his partner

Start getting your book out and see how he likes it. It’s so rude!

I’ve never met his Mum she lives miles away!

I'd bet he would feel similarly put out if you were to start checking texts etc while he was giving all his best moves in bed.

Checking texts during a conversation with someone is no different from interrupting- rude and signifies that they consider what you're saying as unimportant.

Of course he's rude but this has become a way of life for far too many people. They're basically addicted to their phones. Maybe it gives them a sense of importance, maybe they're afraid of missing out. Who knows. But either way, their brains have become hard wired to react. And it's only going to get worse with future generations who have been weaned on electronic devices.

this happened to me, with a newish man, in bed early evening, his landline phone rang next to the bed which was offputting enough, but he answered it! well into a conversation about work, I guess he thought I had climbed off to use the bathroom, until he heard the front door click
he phoned repeatedly but I was having none of it

Of my DH had been anything like this we wouldn't be happily married...More to life than being glued to a phone

Never met his mum as well? And he’s a partner not a boyfriend? You’re a placeholder.