Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to move out of grammar area

45 replies

Wonderingwander · 12/05/2026 22:51

We live in catchment for a grammar school but are not far from a non-grammar area with a well regarded state school.

We’ve been advised that DC1 is a good candidate for grammar and DC1 likes the idea of studying and applying (DC1 has no idea what grammar is like - I think they just like the idea of passing exam as confident in their own ability).

I have no idea if grammar would suit DC2 - I have a gut feeling that they might struggle with the exam and even if they didn’t, their character is totally different. But it really is too early to tell.

There isn’t much within walking distance where we currently live and whatever the results, they will need to get a bus to school and if DC outcomes are different, those buses will be in different directions.

if we moved to the non-grammar area we could have a house where DC could walk to school, we’d know they’d go to the same school and be part of a town / more of a community and we could walk into town.

AIBU to think about moving house (nothing is pushing us to move other than secondary school options)?! Especially when some people seem desperate for grammar places. We certainly wouldn’t get any more house for our money.

any experiences of where one sibling has gone to grammar and other hasn’t would also be helpful - as I think this and us being a bit remote (for friendship groups) are my key concerns

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 12/05/2026 22:52

I wouldn’t think that enough of a reason to move, personally. If there are buses, they’ll be fine. Plenty of siblings go to different schools and are happy about it.

BlissfullyBoring · 12/05/2026 23:23

Grammar schools are usually at least 20 points higher in their attainment 8 scores compared to comprehensives. So if DC1 is capable of getting a place at a grammar school and he wants to go, then you really shouldn’t hold him back on the basis your DC2 may or may not get a place.

mnistooaddictive · 12/05/2026 23:33

I have always refused to live in a grammar area. Both DC would have got in but I find the concept abhorrent so move to where both DC can walk to school. Our family life would be so much easier if we were in walking distance of school.

SlumChum · 13/05/2026 07:47

Theres no harm in DC getting buses to school as it really foster a feeling of independence. If you are rural I do understand the worry about friends, but again if there are buses it shouldn't be too much of a problem.
My only concern would be making sure there are no self esteem issues with the DC that doesn't take or pass the exam. It will be important to make sure they both know it's personal choice and doesn't say anything about who they are as people, and make sure you foster and encourage any passions your non grammar DC has.

OneTimeThingToday · 13/05/2026 07:52

How far apart are these areas?
How good are the non grammars in tge grammar area?

RedToothBrush · 13/05/2026 07:54

I know loads of people who have moved from the grammar area to the good comp area. The good comp is all the better for it. Well rounded kids rather than frazzled kids.

TeenToTwenties · 13/05/2026 07:56

Coming from Hants which just has good comps and nothing else, I think moving away from the ridiculous 11+ stress sounds very sensible.

Up and down the country bright kids get good results from good comps, people in grammar areas seem so unnecessarily scared.

(And yes I know not all schools are good, that can apply to grammars too. Plus comps now are different from when 'you' went 30 years ago.)

TeenToTwenties · 13/05/2026 07:58

BlissfullyBoring · 12/05/2026 23:23

Grammar schools are usually at least 20 points higher in their attainment 8 scores compared to comprehensives. So if DC1 is capable of getting a place at a grammar school and he wants to go, then you really shouldn’t hold him back on the basis your DC2 may or may not get a place.

Of course grammar schools will have higher attainment 8, they have selective intake. That doesn't mean that top set comp kids can't do just as well.

Grumpie · 13/05/2026 07:59

One of mine went to grammar school and the second didn’t. We sent the second to private day school.

bigageap · 13/05/2026 08:00

I honestly don’t understand why people consider the 11+ stress.
my child asked to try out for it. Did it passed and is now sitting his GCSE’s.
no stress no drama. No pressure.
surely any pressure people are claiming exists are from the kids own parents!

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 13/05/2026 08:02

BlissfullyBoring · 12/05/2026 23:23

Grammar schools are usually at least 20 points higher in their attainment 8 scores compared to comprehensives. So if DC1 is capable of getting a place at a grammar school and he wants to go, then you really shouldn’t hold him back on the basis your DC2 may or may not get a place.

Of course they are - they cherry pick their pupils.

Surreyblah · 13/05/2026 08:03

Is your current area ‘full’ grammar or ‘super selective’?

If one or both DC didm’t get in, what would the school they’d attend be like?

Is the area you’d be moving to entirely comprehensive? Does the ‘well regarded’ school have good GCSE stats?

Holdonforsummer · 13/05/2026 08:05

I would absolutely move. I feel so strongly that grammar schools are dividing and labelling children way too early and can cause no end of hurt. It also totally skews things as middle class parents rush to tutor 9 year olds (I should know, it’s my sister’s job). We live in a non-grammar area and I am so happy we do. My daughter would never have passed the 11+ and didn’t start to become academic until year 10. Now she is doing her GCSEs, working her socks off and predicted 8s and 9s. It would have been so detrimental to her to be have been labelled at 11. I also think being able to walk to and from school is a real bonus for kids (and parents and the environment). Good luck!

MudandParsnips · 13/05/2026 08:12

Following! My DC1 is in year 2 and gets stressed out by the thought of a spelling test so no idea what the 11 plus will do to her. We had always assumed she would go the grammar route (we did) but I'm also wondering about whether this is the best thing for her now I know her talents and temperament. We're lucky to be in an area with a good alternative school if she doesn't pass, but I worry about the knock to her self-esteem if she doesn't as she's already so sensitive.. also considering moving out of county but DH thinks I'm mad!

Busybeemumm · 13/05/2026 08:28

In secondary most kids travel on their own so it shouldn't be an issue.

My friend has two DDs two years apart. Elder one got into an independent school passing the 11 plus. Younger one didn't pass and didn't get in. They ended up in different schools and worked out ok. My friend says that the one at the local state comp is more confident as the cleverest in her class while the one at the independent has struggled with her mental health.

Mydoglovescheese · 13/05/2026 08:32

I live in an area where there are 4 grammar schools and kids who travel up to 40 miles (yes you read that correctly) each way to attend. I attended one of the grammar schools, but because of the huge catchment had no local friends. When our DC were young we made the decision, because of the grammar system, to move out of the area to a town where there was only one comprehensive school. Our DC attended the school, as did most of the other kids in the town. They were happy at the school, had plenty of local friends and achieved excellent exam results.

RunSlowTalkFast · 13/05/2026 08:40

TeenToTwenties · 13/05/2026 07:58

Of course grammar schools will have higher attainment 8, they have selective intake. That doesn't mean that top set comp kids can't do just as well.

Show quote history

I find the progress 8 scores are also higher at grammars though.

MulberryFresser · 13/05/2026 08:43

I went to a grammar and school makes an effort (still does according to friends with daughters at the school) to place pupils in a form with others who live near them/get the same trains and tubes in. I would check what the grammar does if you are concerned.

BlissfullyBoring · 13/05/2026 09:17

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 13/05/2026 08:02

Of course they are - they cherry pick their pupils.

Show quote history

And if OPs DC can be cherry picked, he should be.

Greenqueen40 · 13/05/2026 10:10

2 of mine go to a super selective grammar. They travel about 30 mins by bus and have friends in the town where their school is and where we live. Neither of them were stressed or pressured into their 11+, it was their choice and they are naturally able so did well. Pretending that the level of education is the same as a comp is just ridiculous, the level of work taught and classroom environment is completely different and anyone claiming it isn't are just kidding themselves.

Credittocress · 13/05/2026 10:15

Most of those people objecting to grammars do so on the basis they are “divisive” because they give already able kids a leg up.

It maybe selfish but I want the absolute best for my child- and if that means they get a leg up where others don’t- so be it.

Im not going to sacrifice my child’s education to make a political point.

RunSlowTalkFast · 13/05/2026 10:58

Credittocress · 13/05/2026 10:15

Most of those people objecting to grammars do so on the basis they are “divisive” because they give already able kids a leg up.

It maybe selfish but I want the absolute best for my child- and if that means they get a leg up where others don’t- so be it.

Im not going to sacrifice my child’s education to make a political point.

Yeah I've seen numerous times on Mumsnet people will say they want their child to go to a comprehensive as it's more diverse and they won't just be with a load of other wealthy middle class kids.

We're white working class. The grammar schools near us have more middle class kids and, just in my DDs form, their are children whose parents are from Nigeria, Greece, Russia, India. So for us it's more diverse than our personal social landscape and I like the that she has more ambitions and cosmopolitan peers.

Purplebunnie · 13/05/2026 11:28

DD1 passed to Grammar school DD2 didn't (failed by 1 mark, I know!!). DD1 caught the bus as it was nearer I dropped DD2 off at school as the secondary school we chose for her was out of county

Where we lived (rural) there was always going to be bus journeys involved

Snorlaxo · 13/05/2026 11:34

I live in a place where the comps are good but some travel over the county border to grammar. The bus to grammar takes about 45 mins and it’s direct from a convenient place for many.

Lots of kids go to a different school as their sibling so that’s fine imo. As long as the one travelling further has an easy enough journey, it’s perfectly normal for kids to travel alone to secondary.

Bushmillsbabe · 13/05/2026 11:59

Credittocress · 13/05/2026 10:15

Most of those people objecting to grammars do so on the basis they are “divisive” because they give already able kids a leg up.

It maybe selfish but I want the absolute best for my child- and if that means they get a leg up where others don’t- so be it.

Im not going to sacrifice my child’s education to make a political point.

I object to them based on the level of stress they put young children through to get into them. When we moved to Bucks we thought they were a positive (DH and i both very academic and high acheiving), but if we had our time again, knowing what I know now, we would have chosen a non grammar area.

DD1 is year 5 and very able, and more than capable of getting in. She has tutoring but we have tried to keep it quite low key 'just give it a go and try your best, and whatever the outcome we are really proud of you'. However, there is pressure coming from how she feels and the discussions within her class, and last weekend she was in tears for around 5 hours relating to the thought and pressure of the 11+, and this has hapenned more than once. We have suggested to her that she leaves it and goes to a comp, but our local one isn't great and lots of horror stories around bullying etc. She is therefore terrified of failing the 11+ and ending up there and I have found her studying at 10 and 11pm, fallen asleep at her desk etc when we had said night night and turned lights out at 8.30.

I also want the best for my child, but not at the expense of her mental health.

Swipe left for the next trending thread