To tell friend about stag do grossness

[Politicszz]

I have a bit of a dilemma…one of my best friends is getting married. I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 9 months and he has met the wider group a few times. He isn’t really a drinker. He is going to the wedding, and was added to the group chat for the stag do (weekend away in UK, somewhere renowned for drinking) to see if he wanted to go.

He sent a polite message to decline and explained he’s not a big drinker so best he gives it a miss.

The best man who is organising it is the long term partner of another of my friends. My boyfriend has shown me his reply which was to say ‘No issue if you don’t drink, you can still enjoy a few strippers and a brass’. He again made his excuses and left the group.

He thinks this was said jokingly. But I’ve heard enough stories about these trips to know what can go on.

I don’t know whether to mention to my friend or to keep out of it.

YABU - don’t say anything, mind your own business

YANBU - you should relay what was said to your friend

Your boyfriend is an absolute diamond! I would never be with a man who went on a laddy stag do, they are easy to avoid. It’s gross what goes on.

It’s so refreshing to hear your BF decline these offers - on the grounds of not drinking or the other offer. He doesn’t sound holier than thou just really mature. I’m sure the minute the bride hears about where they’re going for the stag, it will be pretty obvious what they’re going for. You & your partner are best off out of it.

Some of you ladies are very naive if you dont think this kind of thing absolutely does go on at stag do's!!!!

Or Rishi Ramdani from Industry. He used to talk about Brasses and Brassing

@Shinyandnew1 @TappingTed BrassRubber = Scrubber :(

Oh god stay out of it. If he's a pig that's their business...she'll know him better than you.

I thought it was Brass door = whore so I googled and apparently there are a few contenders!

Brass Nail: Rhymes with "tail,"
Brass Flute: Rhymes with "prostitute".
Brass Rubber: Rhymes with "scrubber,"
Brass Door: Rhymes with "whore"

A member of the oldest profession.

So ‘tail’ is a name for a prostitute? Never heard that before!

Still women excusing men for abusing women.

I despair - for the women.

I'd mention it to her. Your friend can then decide if she thinks it's a joke or something else.

Loads of men use prostitutes
Loads of men on stag do use prostitutes particularly when they're in a group and particularly particularly they're drinking

I think all the 'it must have been a joke' replies are very naive. The best man didn't even know the boyfriend well

I don't think I'd say anything though as he will just pass it off as bamter

I wouldn't "tell your friend" in a reporting way. I would relay it in an eye roll/lol way though so she can save face and it doesn't come across like stirring.

"Yeah, dave isn't going, he isn't a big drinker. Although he was tempted by the strippers and brass option - I had to Google that!"

Or women perhaps understanding that it was almost certainly a joke and not actually an indication that anyone is going to sleep with a sex worker.

Yes. I think hiring strippers and sex workers is inexcusable, but the context for this remark suggests it’s almost certainly a joke.

Id casually mention it in passing and hope my friend would want more details.

I’d personally want to know BEFORE I wasted my time marrying someone who
was happy to have a prostitute and a stripper at his stag do! Give the poor bride the full information on who’s she’s actually marrying! Then if she has any sense she will cancel it!

Oh well that’s alright then, having sex with another woman is just standard stag do stuff so no worries!!!!

I used to work in hospitality abroad in quite a few locations popular with stag dos and I found that proper southerners/londeners used to use the word brass more than up north. They talked about it like it was quite common.

He wasn’t joking, but he’ll say he was. Stay out of it.

Strippers and prostitutes are standard stag behaviour? Maybe in the 70s, but nowadays?

But how do you know? The context was a response to an invitee the organiser and others barely know, declining the stag invitation on the grounds of not drinking, on a group WhatsApp with all the people going.

Contextually, it’s far more likely to be a bit of macho jokey banter at the expense of the OP’s ‘clean-living’ boyfriend (‘I will now shock Perfect Peter by saying that him not drinking doesn’t debar him from two other stereotypical bad stag activities, and it will be funny if he comes back and says he still doesn’t want to come’), than an expression of intent to use sex workers to a virtual stranger who has a close connection to the bride via the OP and who is likely to disapprove.

The OP’s boyfriend also thinks it was a joke.

@IgnoreIt Fair. I should have said “I don’t think he was joking”.

Who on earth says a brass these days? Its a 1960s term.

If you know for sure it is happening I’d be tendered to say something. If you think there’s a good chance it’s a joke I’d say nothing.