The secret to a good marriage is never having shared a bathroom

[WryJadeWren]

Half joking, half serious…

Everyone I know in a long, happy marriage seems to swear that having separate bathrooms is a game-changer - less friction, more privacy, fewer arguments about mess and timing.

Obviously plenty of couples share and survive just fine but I’m starting to wonder whether separate bathrooms are an underrated relationship saver.

AIBU?

DS and I moved to be closer to his school and DH joins us Friday to Monday. It has improved our relationship in some ways.

My exH wasn't quite that bad, but he did always leave his shavings in the sink and the occasional strong smell of semen when he'd clearly jerked off in the shower. Men do these things and then they wonder why their wives don't want sex with them.

I'll always advocate for separate bedrooms but a shared bathroom has never been a problem for us - literally never crossed my mind that it might be?! We both leave it in a hygienic state but I thought most adults did that.

The bathroom isn't an issue, but I do appreciate seperate beds/ bedrooms. Good sleep does a happy couple make.

It's just nice not having duvet wars (distribution/ too hot or cold), bumping limbs or being disturbed by different bedtime/ morning routines.

For those that have separate bathrooms . Who cleans your partner's ?
I know that it would be my job and I would resent having to do it as I'm sure he'd let it get quite grim .

There's always one.

Why on earth would it be your job?!

What a weird generalisation. I've lived with many men and none of them did that. If they did I certainly wouldn't have married them.

YABU. The secret to a happy marriage is watching tv in different sitting rooms. The bathroom has never been an issue.

whattttttttttttttttttt?????? no!😩

If I don't do housework then it doesn't get done . In this house we have her job / his job .

What's amazing is that seemingly he was either unaware or didn't care - and with guests in the house too!! 😱

I would be utterly mortified about this, but some people just aren't bothered. Yuk! How do you find someone attractive after that? I really think that to preserve attraction in a long relationship you need to have some privacy in order to take care of normal, but really quite gross, bodily functions.

Hasn't given me any of problems other than timing if we both needed the shower at the same time. We managed to get through it

36 years happily married, always shared a bathroom.

He used to clip his toenails on the sofa while watching TV too....and then actually gave me pushback on the suggestion that he might want to do that in the bathroom.

I honestly don't know how some people expect their partner to keep fancying them.

Oh God - there was the time we were in a small hotel room in New York. We walked in after being out for dinner. I went to brush my teeth and he goes "Just a sec!" in this really jaunty tone, and goes into the tiny bathroom, does a massive smell, and then comes out and says the bathroom is free now. 🤢

He turned out to be a covert narc, so I do wonder if some of this was done on purpose.

Yes, well, I didn't live with him before I married him. Clearly an error.

So literally nobody from a normal working class household ever then?

It has never crossed my mind to want a separate bathroom. Seems quite fancy to me that I have one to share with DH and the kids have one to share with each other.

This. My husband keeps the bathroom and separate loo just as clean as I do, and we've never had an issue with sharing (as well as with our two children). I have to admit, if the loo was in the bathroom it'd be a bit annoying, but otherwise what's the problem?

This is about respect, not bathroom habits. If your DH is leaving bodily fluids or mess around then he’s basically saying ‘fuck you’. Especially if he expects you to clean them up. A seperate bathroom isn’t going to fix the fundamental disrespect at the heart of your relationship.

49 years married till OH died - sharing a bathroom (and bedroom, and our lives) never caused a problem .

It’s a luxury most cannot afford so you must only know privileged people with excellent bladders to get to another room. We actually do have a family bathroom upstairs (kids left home) but we both use the en suite, why get two dirty plus it’s closer for nighttime

This feels like one of those mumsnet things: I've never lived in a house with more than one bathroom, so it cracks me up when you see people insisting a house simply MUST have more than one or you'll be hurtling for divorce immediately. I've never even lived in a house with a second toilet, you'll all be horrified to hear. The only people I know with a second toilet live in new builds, but other than that all the normal 3-bed semis near me that I/my friends live in have one bathroom and that's your lot. Everyone seems to get on alright!

I share a bathroom with my husband. Luckily he is not a Man Child so always leaves it clean. He also, of course, does his fair share of the cleaning.
I would expect no less and it's never been an issue.
He could use the family bathroom but we don't see the need.

Lucky enough to have an en suite which I use and family bathroom where the boys and DH go. It’s fab. My bathroom is lovely, smells nice and always clean and tidy as I clean up behind me. Theirs-less so. Hate sharing a bathroom now when we have to do so-and yes, I understand my privilege!