To ask how you felt getting told off/shouted at as a child

[blubberball]

I know that no one likes getting told off, but how did you feel as a child? I would see others laugh it off/shrug it off and then just go about their day. I felt intense fear and shame. I felt physically sick and pain in my chest. I felt my heart racing, and I would cry uncontrollably. I'd want to run and hide. I was terrified of getting in trouble or breaking the rules. I still hate confrontations now, and have engaged in people pleasing behaviours my whole life. I'm starting to learn about inattentive ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and I wonder if these feelings are all tied in. Did other people have these extremely upsetting reactions to being told off?

Don't remember tbh

I’m sure I felt upset and ashamed especially if I’d deliberately done something wrong but it depends on the seriousness of it.

If I'd done something "serious" then I'd feel embarrassed and sometimes ashamed. But what used to upset me more was my mum's silent treatment. Then I would experience similar emotions to you the ones you describe OP. I wanted her to love me and be proud of me and she was frequently neither. Being shouted at (although not exactly great) at least validated my existence.

Yes I did. I started school a very sociable child who would talk to anyone. I hated being told off so much in primary school that I developed a fear of talking incase I said the wrong thing or spoke when I wasn’t supposed to. I now have pretty bad social anxiety and struggle to talk to people I don’t know well. I also suspect that I may have inattentive ADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria, though I have not tried to get a diagnosis.

Frozen, terrified and desperately, desperately unhappy.

An incident that sticks out in my mind was being around aged 3 or 4, and at a neighbour's house. There was me, my older brother and the young boy who lived there, who was also about 3. We wanted to put on a video, which was allowed in my house, so I just switched on the TV and started putting in the Thomas the tank video cassette or whatever. The mum appeared in the room and shouted Get away from there! Or something. Perfectly justified. Kids messing with the expensive TV and video. We ran out of the room. I just remember the boys carrying on with the day as if nothing had happened, and I was crying and couldn't get over it. I was startled by her shouting, as well as the fear and shame. I was overwhelmed and shaking.

I was terrified of all adults, and tbh, people in authority still terrify me

I can remember getting told off a lot as a teenager for the usual stuff, misbehaving at school, skiving school, being cheeky, not doing homework, being home late, got taken home by the police a few times, underage drinking. And all I can remember is thinking I wish my mother would just shut up, she’s shouting at me and quite frankly I couldn’t give a shit. And I still kind of have that mentality towards authority today 😬

I hated it. I used to lie in bed at night and pray “please don’t let me get into trouble for anything tomorrow”. My school and parents were very strict.

It’s the reason I now try to do parenting with clear boundaries and consequences but minimal shouting (am not always successful!). Being shouted at in front of people makes me feel absolutely terrified and I don’t want my kids to feel like that.

Me? Usually righteous indignation for a few minutes and then I quickly forgot about it. I haven't changed.

Intense fear and shame. I hadn’t considered the connection to rsd, but it’s interesting to consider whether there was a propensity to that in childhood, or whether certain childhood experiences created a propensity for rsd in adulthood, eg when giving out was accompanied by physical punishment

I didn’t give a shit.

Even when small, I would get shouted at and I didn’t care at all. I was “naughty” with intention, so I didn’t give a shit if I was told off for it, I wanted to do the things I’d done.

One of my children was the same (he’s an adult now). You could tell him off and he didn’t care at all.

We were always getting smacked, not only me and my siblings but all my friends too. It was just par for the course.

I am also ND (which I didn’t discover until my children were diagnosed by the NHS) and also have memories of being absolutely terrified and distressed by shouting/angry adults, but in my case I think it’s partly because adults at home genuinely weren’t safe and their anger was actually dangerous. My mother and stepfather both had serious rage issues. So I’m not sure whether my stomach turning to water, nausea, shaking etc when people lose their tempers around me is RSD or trauma or both.

I hated getting told off, I was nausiatingly well behaved as a child and didn't get told off very often. My sister on the other hand had far more spunk than I'll ever have, but used to smile when she got into trouble which wasn't appreciated! My mum was very strict but even she eventually realised she couldn't help her response.

I was ashamed and cried. I’m quite rule bound. But I do have a backbone and can be assertive if I’m right. It’s if I’ve made a mistake or am wrong that I crumble.

When my mum told me off i would feel imense fear as she would hit me as well. I would also get the silent treatment until i apologised. This made me feel humiliated as my mum never bothered to explain why i had done something wrong. Therefore i would apologise without understanding why i was apologising. I think that i apologised due to fear and i just wanted to be spoke to again.

Oh yes, we were smacked as kids as well. It felt extremely normal at the time. I'm sure that I was more afraid of the shouting than I was of the smacking.

I now feel deep guilt and shame for the times that I lost my shit and shouted at my own dc. These days, I have learned to stay calm, but sometimes I still lose my shit. When we talk about it after, I always say I'm sorry, I was wrong to shout at you

I felt very much like you OP. An intense feeling of hurt and shame that was almost a physical pain. I would feel a huge sense of panic, blood rushing in my ears etc. It was worst of all when I had been shouted at or told off for something I hadn't done because I wasnt allowed to defend myself/explain - that was "answering back" which was also something to be in trouble for. I can still remember the absolute white hot burning sense of injustice.

Interestingly (because I hadn't connected it to my childhood terror of being told off) I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s after one of my children was and the consultant recommended I look into it. I certainly have RSD tendencies even now though the physical terror feeling is fairly rare. If my husband snaps at me (doesn't happen often) I need a bit of time to collect my feelings and recover. I will try and act normally but I can't just snap out of it. I feel like a dog that has been kicked and needs to go off and hide for a while. H has accused me of "sulking" and trying to carry on an argument but nothing is further from the truth. I wish so much I was different. I'm actually a lot better than I was.

A few years ago we were at a National Trust place and our youngest was being naughty on the house tour, running ahead etc even though I was doing my best to keep her under control. One of the volunteers told us to leave and showed us out of a side entrance unceremoniously. I felt the awful burning shame and (it's ridiculous I know) I couldn't forget about it for days, it went round and round in my mind. Even now thinking about it my face is burning!

Thinking back I now realise that I would get overly worked up. I would cry so much Id get a tuck in my heart. I remember a teacher giving out to me because I was distracted by my necklace. I was upset for days. I am probably still easily upset now. I would love to be more resilient like my sister. She couldn't care less about being shouted at and would retaliate.

Im sure I did. I was em extremely sensitive child. Parents were lacking with emotional intelligence for the most part - I was forced to 'join in', totally overwhelmed in many circumstances, mortified at having to do anything on a stage (even collecting gifts from Santa at Xmas); my parents were/are total rule abiders and conformists. It has shaped the person I am today and I am far more aware of my own DC's feelings and have nurtured them accordingly - I feel I have a much closer relationship with them as adults than my parents did with me. I perform 'daughter duties' for my DM out of simply that; duty. Ddad was great fun in the main and I realise since I lost him recently, that he was the buffer that kept me in touch with DM. Can barely stand being around her these days. Sad, but we can't choose our families.

I felt similar to you. Equally, if my brother got told off and there was anger in the house, I would feel the same. I was told off ONCE in the whole time I was at school. I was 6 years old and I leaned against the bookcase and it banged against the wall. It made me feel so bad that I never did anything bad again. Perhaps that's where the fear stemmed from, actually, as I remember is being an incredibly out of control and over the top reaction, considering a very small (and incredibly well behaved) child had accidentally made something make a noise.

I have absolutely no idea where it came from. My parents were never violent towards us, nor unfairly angry. But I have always been really upset by conflict - I absolutely still am!

Horrible, I remember feeling so upset, distraught, lonely, ashamed, anxious, like I was never good enough.

I would feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, I could pretty much hear it. Clam up and then feel a lump in my throat but was desperate not to cry so suppressed it. Replayed it for days on a loop, just couldn’t help it. It became a coping strategy for whenever an adult raised their voice. My sibling would cry but I would do anything to suppress my emotions. Diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and likely to be autistic.