AIBU to want regular gym time while on maternity leave?

[AgileMintShaker]

My husband works shifts that includes evenings nights and weekends, I am on maternity leave with second baby girl who is 11 months old and still breastfeed through the night. She is a difficult needy baby so I am desperate for some alone time when he is home and can watch the baby. I am on a health kick trying to go to the gym 3 times a week. He is saying that I am being unreasonable and not spending time with him/the family that I just ‘can’t wait to get away’ to have one hour at the gym 3 at a push 4 times a week. AIBU to prioritise this for both my mental and physical health? How do I settle this without compromising my important time to myself?

Yanbu for wanting time to exercise and time to yourself but if your dh can’t (won’t?) manage it around his shifts then it’s going to be trickier.

You are home all day - you could use the crèche at a gym, or you could do buggy fit and run with the pram.

Best thing I ever did was introduce a balance bike as soon as Dc was walking.

When your kid is riding a bike age 3 you can start building them up … it takes time but I am proud to say my dc2 age 7 is now doing a 10 to 15mile bike ride every Saturday this summer and the boy is seriously fast! He also likes dragging us around MTB trails in our local forest.

Also do you have a garden? Your dc can play in a playpen while you’re digging or doing lunges or whatever , you won’t get loads done but kids are generally more entertained outside in fresh air I found than stuck indoors.

The problem is as soon as you let your partner start telling you, you can or can’t do something, it’s the start of the end.

If you relent, you’ll feel worse, you’ll feel resentful, you’ll start to want out of the relationship (naturally).

Is it possible he just doesn’t want to be left with the DC? You said they are hard work, probably harder for someone who gets out of the house every day and manages to use the gym at work…

…. stand your ground would be my advice.

It’s a totally normal thing to do. Some gyms have crèches so if he keeps being a nob, maybe find one of those. If not, just say you’re going now and leave. Also recommend a running buggy, I ran with my youngest in a buggy till he was 3.

Absolutely priorities yourself, we got nursery part time during my maternity leave, 3 hours per day because I wanted to go to the gym everyday. If your husband wants you to spend time with him when he's at home instead of looking out for yourself he can pay for childcare so you can go to the gym.

I think it depends how much of your family time it actually eats into. 4 hours (plus travel time) isn’t much in a week but if you only get 10 hours together a week, suddenly it is. I think you need to negotiate a time between you that works well for your family. Of course YANBU to want to have time for yourself.

I get up at 5:30 to do a 30 minute home workout before the kids are up. Can’t afford a gym membership and trying to do it whilst they’re awake is impossible.

YANBU to need the gym time and you absolutely should prioritise this.

Your DH should expect to have at least a few hours a week of solo childcare - it's important for him as a parent to be the only one sometimes, and not always be there just as your supporter. However if he's already doing this for a significant amount of time and is right that you are getting hardly any leisure time together as a family - is there any way you could use a gym that offers childcare perhaps just temporarily until your baby starts nursery? Family time is important too, but if the gym time is the only time that he is doing solo childcare he's being unreasonably whingey.

Sounds good. So this is her lunch break workout.

You should both have equal leisure time. If you want more it’s not unreasonable to get a baby sitter.